I have suffered from IBS, nausea, and severe stomach pain for the past 10 years, but in the last month my symptoms have gotten really bad. I went to a new gastroenterologist today and we decided it would be a good idea to rerun all the tests that have been done on me to get a new starting point.

Although I agree with the physicians logic, I am so tired of being poked and having procedures done. I get a blood test done at least once a month to run tests and I've reached the point where I am starting to have panic attacks about it.

I am going in for a colonoscopy and endoscopy on Monday and I am terrified. This will be my 3rd scope done in the last 10 years and the idea of anesthesia always bothers me. I hate the idea of laying there helpless while people do whatever they want to me. This probably stems from some previous trauma I experienced in a hospital. I also hate IVs because they are incredibly painful for me.

Finally, my Mom is not validating my feelings and instead has been callous about how I feel. According to her it's just an IV, it's just a blood test, it's just a scope. She asked me to explain why I feel the way I do and I did to which she responded, "I don't understand. It doesn't make sense." Just because she doesn't share the same feelings about the procedure she is incapable of being sympathetic.

I am just feeling really anxious and lonely. My life revolves around my doctors appointments. I just want to be a normal 21 year old.