I would just like to point out before I start this,I have NOT been diagnosed with anxiety,however the way in which I act (even my family and close friend pick up on my nervousness and negitivity)I have some pointers towards the fact the I do have anxiety
Just as a whole I've been feeling feely shitty recently.not 10 minutes before writing this I broke down in tears for God knows what reason. I get so anxious around people and I hate it.when I come back home I'll go to my bedroom,get changed next ,then sit on my bed and over think every single thing I I could have done for someone to think badly if me,sometimes I just curl up in a ball and over think my self and push myself down until I cty, and then I kick myself for over thinking and crying about it,and the I cry about that. Don't get me wrong ,I AM NOT a sensitive person(unless you involve animals) someone could tell me the most heartwarming tale and with a straight face I can genuinely turn around and say I don't give a shit. But sometimes... Ughhh and I swear people make fun of me because I get my words trapped in my throught, and I know what to say but I physically struggle to say it.we now look I'm over thinking how I've written this and if people think I'm a loser,I'm not linking any of these things together... Oh well.If I go to a shop with no self service ,I have to plan how I talk to the cashier/till person half an hour before I go or I'll just freak out when I have to talk to them. I get so anxious at times and I really hate it!I have being in crowds or talking to people I've never meet before, or just talking to people I do know. I'm almost always in a bad mood and I put a downer on everyone and I feel like no one wants me there and...I just don't know what do.
There are other things in the past,that are against the rules to mention on HEE,so I won't say... But let's just say I wasn't ever in the best mental state.... And my parents didn't believe me so that was fun,not long ago I had a massive argument with some friends and they basically just told me
No one likes you,you're toxic
You don't understand emotions
every one hates you
That kinda shit,and it really hit me,luckily I have my girlfriend to support me,who I love so much,about our to me rubeh!<3 and a few other friends.dear Lord in sorry this is a long rant,I don't know how I expected anyone to help,I just needed to get the out there, she is you have a chat with me and I seem a bit arsey or I don't answer you,I'm sorry, I'm being crying in my bed for absolutely no reason other than I had to speak to someone
Thanks for listening ~Raven
Oh Raven <3
I can relate on an extremely high level,I used to cry myself to sleep - Or just until the tears would stop enough for me to clean myself up so no one noticed - at a daily amount,And that's healthy for no one.Im extremely anxious around people i dont know,And can hardly seem to get words out at all in some cases.And if I do,Theyre no louder than a mouse so I get flustered in repeating myself.
I hate crowds,Socialising in general..It sucked to feel like the one to always ruin everything from being anti-social as he'll.I couldn't enjoy any activity really,Restraining from doing alot of things I loved to do because I was fearful of talking.
Let alone the times I've just sat and beat myself up over thinking everything I say and misreading every situation.
But hun I swear it brightens up!I finished school a few months ago for good,And I'm finally starting something i love to do surrounded by a team I've known for a good few years.Ive managed to finally settle into a homely situation,And I've noticed a change in myself.I think most importantly ive started to respect who i am,And accepting that people will love me or hate me - Its just life!Admittedly I'm still quiet and shy,But I'm hardly as scared to speak any more,I converse so much easier and My mind doesn't freeze when I'm talking to people about things I love.Well unless I have to talk about me..I dont like being in the attention either,Never have and I doubt I ever will.
So stick with those kick-ass people who support you,And things will turn up.Plus my Mail is always open ;P Edited at August 18, 2019 09:18 AM by Flipperruby30
Thanks flipper :) that helped a lot