*Rising Stars TBs*
09:32:24 Star / Sarah
Serenity, me!
Dandelion Farms
09:32:08 Sky/Dandy
Thunda
Wow! So now you are just kinda living off of the amount you had before hand?
Sea storm Equines
09:31:34 Stormie
i think so Sam
Valley Sports
09:30:38 Sam
-HEE Click-
Would this guy work for a nice color prospect
White_thundacat
09:29:03 #OneHappyMomma
Back in the day, I did thousands of broods and you also got EBS for all horses over 2 that were sent to the FR, rather than the initial 100.

I've let my stable run amuck and I'm trying to clean them out, which is a much bigger task that I anticipated lol
Serenity Stables
09:28:44 
Who wants to joust 👀
Dandelion Farms
09:27:22 Sky/Dandy
Thunda
How do you make enough ebs to buy all of those barns lol
White_thundacat
09:23:36 #OneHappyMomma
I will, thanks!

I finally cleared out all the 19 year olds. Working on 18 now!
Valley Sports
09:22:08 Sam
thunda thank you. And back at you
White_thundacat
09:21:10 #OneHappyMomma
I hope everyone has a good morning/afternoon/evening ❤️
Valley Sports
09:09:50 Sam
Ouch Celeste
Valley Sports
09:09:38 Sam
-HEE Click-
Color prospect?
Wraithcry Farm
09:08:22 Celeste 🌕
-Click-
Sorry forgot link
Wraithcry Farm
09:08:10 Celeste 🌕
Clean tank. But he showed me his displeasure of being removed from his enclosure so it could be cleaned 😅
White_thundacat
09:07:32 #OneHappyMomma
Some of these ads at the bottom of the page are... interesting.
Valley Sports
09:00:14 Sam
Yay!! I got the foal
Wraithcry Farm
08:54:44 Celeste 🌕
The actual tanks clean did not take long but the hide and water bowl might 🤪
Valley Sports
08:51:35 Sam
Oh chat is dead
Valley Sports
08:46:28 Sam
Hi Holly!!
Hot 2 Trot
08:44:21 Holly
Sam! <3
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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
  1

Araylah: Mortal Grey | A Tale of Two Boys | Medieval Setting November 25, 2018 09:00 AM

Freiheit Farms
 
Posts: 2018
#266001
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The night was dark and moonless. Not a single bird rustled the leafless trees, nor did any prowling animal stir the sparse undergrowth of the woodland forest in its deep winter spell. Clouds gathered in the sky with flashes of lightning flickering in the distance but too far away to hear the rumbling thunder. The promise of rain was clear.

The lingering silence was broken by the gasping and sputtering breaths of a young boy as he ran through the dark night. He drank in the cold air as he ran ever harder with his frosty breath visible against the raven black forest. The boy finally stopped and plopped himself on the ground in a small wheezing heap. He was small for his age and as thin as willow branch but still quite strong for his size. The boyÂ’s thoughts were running. Running faster than his legs were just a moment ago. Wondering if his mother had made it out alive. There were so many of them! It was a wonder in itself how he even managed to escape undetected how noisy he was. He ran and hid underneath a leafless shrub and laid there, waiting, with wide eyes. After a while he finally had given way to the temptation of sleep and dozed off quietly as the silent night dragged on.

The young boy woke up with a scream as a crack of thunder pierced the air above him. He was soaked to the bone. The storm had definitely caught up now. He shivered againstthe cold like an abandoned pup left out in the snow. The storm brought large droplets of rain that stung like small pebbles. There was nothing he could do. No leaves in the trees to buffer the rain or no underbrush to crouch under. He would just have to wait out the storm. If he didnÂ’t freeze to death first.

»»-------------¤-------------««

“Leave him.” A woman said stopping the soldiers in pursuit. “He is of no use to us”

“But milady, I thought you said no witnesses?” A shy soldier asked.

“What did I say.”

The soldier was silent. He stared at the ground hoping to conceal the fear in his eyes.

"What did I say!” Her aqua green eyes shone with fury.

“You said to leave him milady.” He said with his head low.

“Then leave. Him. Be.” She said menacingly. The woman’s long, white hair seemed to glow in the ebony surroundings.

“Yes Lady Enchanted.” The soldier said and ran off. She looked after the soldier in disdain. I’m surprised he even asked such an absurd question. She thought.

“Do you think you were a little hard on him?” A new voice asked.

“No.” Enchanted said,” The soldiers will not respect me if they do not fear me. So, naturally, I make them fear me.”

“Do they fear me?” He said with a wide toothy grin that was literally ear to ear.

“Yes Windbane. It is not hard for them to fear you with that mouth of yours, but I do not fear you. I do not fear anyone.” She said. “How’s our project coming along?”

“He is coming along well, milady.”

Enchanted smiled. She loved it when everything goes to plan. “Good.”

»»-------------¤-------------««

“Your mother isn’t here to save you now.” A burly man said threateningly. Silver had to stifle a scream as the willow switch slapped against his bare back. He didn’t understand. What did he do to deserve this? First his mother dies in front of him and now his own father is beating him? Shouldn’t my own father be grieving too? Silver thought as the switch kept coming. “Now get to your room.” Silver did what was asked so he didn’t get pounded with that stupid switch again. Silver stayed in there until dinner when his father asked him to come out to eat.

“I’m not hungry.” Silver said even though that was a lie. He just didn’t want to be around his father at all right now.

“Suit yourself.” He said. His father’s name sure matched his personality. Rocky. He surely had a extremely rough manner about him.

The next morning Rocky came in his room with a scowl. “Get out.”

“What?” Silver asked in confusion. “Why?”

“I’m not you father, your mother was a Luas, now get out.”

Silver was confused. What was he talking about? “What’s a Luas?”

“A magic-using creature.”

“Mother didn’t look like a creature to me.”

“No you fool! They still look like us Araylans but use magic to enhance themselves, and if your mother is a Luas and I am not your father, what does that make you?”

“A Luas?”

“That’s right my boy, and what have I always said about magic?”

“That its not allowed in this house?” Silver said questioningly. Then he gasped. His father just made an excuse to get rid of him. “You’re kicking me out?”

“Get. Out.” Rocky growled in a relentless tone.

Silver couldn’t handle it. On other occasions he would have left without complaining but he was just stunned that he would do such a terrible thing. Silver fought back tears, the anger boiling within him. “I HATE YOU!!” He yowled and ran out. He heard Rocky shout back but he didn’t care. He just wanted to get away from him. Silver had never felt so furious in his life. He stopped running to catch his breath and looked back. The small town of Crag was nowhere in sight. I’ve ran that far? Silver thought. He didn’t even notice how long he had been running. He wasn’t even thirsty. Well, it wouldn’t have mattered anyways since there was no water until he got to Calpora and that was miles away.

»»-------------¤-------------««<br style="font-family: -webkit-standard; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">
“Good job son!” Jay said as he heard Hero shoot the target. “You’re doing great.”

“Still don’t understand how you know I’m hitting the center.” Hero said.

“I’ve had a lot of practice in my hearing.” The blind warrior said suddenly bitterly, his pale blues eyes glistening. “Now do it again.”

Hero hated it when he changed tones. "And I’m not your son.” He retorted.

“You don’t think I know that? I had two daughters for Lillies’ sake!”

“Who’s Lillie?” Hero asked innocently, and Jay gave out a sigh.

“She was my wife.” He mumbled. “She died long ago.”

“Oh,” Hero apologized. “I didn’t know.”

“Aye, it’s fine your only ten years old.” Jay chuckled.

“How old are you?”

“Forty-three.” Jay said. Silence followed after that. After shooting the target a few more times Jay dismissed Hero. The blonde wasn’t the same boy Jay found shivering in the forest being pelted by rain. He was a year older, for starters, and he was taller and stronger than when he was running blindly from his mother’s fate. Hero was still small but since Jay found him he has been putting on weight that is mostly muscle. Shooting a bow everyday surely helps.Hero was definitely good archery for how young was. Jay said that he had natural talent for it. Hero was busy gathering up his dinner, which consisted of a slice of bread, an apple, and a hunk of cheese, when he heard a strange noise. He turned around to see someone trying to run away with needed supplies. Like lightning, Hero dashed up, grabbed his bow, strung it back with an arrow and shot the thief in the leg, immobilizing him. The thief screamed in pain just as Jay was coming back from scouting the area. “Did you do this?” Jay asked astonished.

“Y.. yeah..” Hero stammered.

“Good job son.” He said and tended to the thief. Hero watched as Jay proceeded to take the thief’s weapons and the supplies he stole. Then he yanked the arrow out of his leg, eradicating more screams of pain from the thief’s lungs, and used a cloth to bandage it up, cleaning the wound with cool water first of course. Jay explained that no person should go around with an infected wound whether they are a thief or not. After he tended to the thief’s wound, he then spoke quietly to him. Hero couldn’t make out what Jay said but he saw the fear in the thief’s eyes and knew at once that it was a threat. Jay hauled the thief up on his feet when he was finished and sent him on his way.

A few days after that ordeal with the thief, a patrol of Calporan soldiers swarmed into Jay and HeroÂ’s camp. Hero in his tent so the soldiers didnÂ’t see him. JayÂ’s face told him, instinctively, that he should probably get all of his gear ready to leave for he had seen that face before. He started silently gathering up his gear and when he was ready, he sat crouched and ready to run. Then the soldiers advanced on Jay and he shouted for Hero to run. Since the soldiers didnÂ’t know he was there, they didnÂ’t even see him leave. Jay had always warned and prepared Hero for the day when soldiers would find them since they were camped here illegally. Jay told Hero to make his way to Crag when this happened. He kept running but
Araylah: Mortal Grey | A Tale of Two Boys | Medieval Setting November 27, 2018 04:11 PM

Alvarron
 
Posts: 314
#267266
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You have a good grasp on your writing, and there is clearly a great idea brewing here. I think the biggest problem I'm seeing is how you are building up the world. Since you fragment the stories between characters there isn't enough for the reader to "see" the world. You also throw in characters to build the magic system and explain the culture, but again it is way too fast. I would slow down and focus/expand on each section of this.
It is a fantastic start. If you need any help feel free to message me. I love world-building and would happily chat/help you expand and show your world.
Araylah: Mortal Grey | A Tale of Two Boys | Medieval Setting November 28, 2018 10:11 AM

Freiheit Farms
 
Posts: 2018
#267652
Give Award
Thank you for your feedback! Now that you say that, yes it is way too fast. I just never noticed it until now. Thank you :)
Araylah: Mortal Grey | A Tale of Two Boys | Medieval Setting November 28, 2018 10:23 AM

Alvarron
 
Posts: 314
#267656
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No problem. I'm a tutor at my local college and finishing up my masters, so I think I have a leg up here. Haha.
Araylah: Mortal Grey | A Tale of Two Boys | Medieval Setting November 28, 2018 11:05 PM

Freiheit Farms
 
Posts: 2018
#268119
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Oh wow! That's awesome! :D
Araylah: Mortal Grey | A Tale of Two Boys | Medieval Setting December 21, 2018 11:58 PM

Freiheit Farms
 
Posts: 2018
#283870
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Ok, so I made some major decisions for this story...

1. I'm going to put a hold on writing this. I have been working on creating this story for years now and I want to get better at writing before I write this. I don't feel like I am using it's full potential by writing it when I still have developing to do in just my writing style. I'm going to keep writing but only on smaller stories instead.

2. Hero is no longer a character in this story. He will still be a beloved character of mine but he just wasn't clicking in the book. To be honest, Silver is my favorite of the two and I was making him more of the main character when Hero was supposed to be the main protagonist. It threw off my entire story line but I'll get that figured out as time goes on.

3. I am going to leave the characters childhoods behind. Meaning, I'm going to start the book off when Silver and Freya arrive at the camp. I feel like I was cramming too much into one part of the story so this was my solution to that. But don't get me wrong, I will leak SIlver's backstory when I'm writing about when he's older. That's really what you should do yes? Reading is about getting to know a character slowly not just BAM!! I know them like they were a best friend!!
Araylah: Mortal Grey | A Tale of Two Boys | Medieval Setting January 21, 2019 03:30 PM
Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#301458
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I think it'll be neat whenever it is done.

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
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