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Today I found out that my cousin is probably going to be moving in and it has made me very anxious and upset. Why? My cousin has a lot of behavioral issues (I think she has antisocial personality disorder) and is abusive towards her parents. She refuses to go to school or therapy. Her parents don't know how to enforce boundaries with her and it has created a lot of tension in their home. I live at home with my Mom and the two of us are very happy living together. But, for some reason my Mom thinks it would be a good idea for my cousin to move in with us. I don't want my cousin to live in the one place I feel safe! Why should I have to suffer because her parents refuse parent her? My Mom is making me feel guilty because she says I don't care about my cousin or my family which is not true. Their family didn't do anything for me when I was severely depressed so why should I go out of my way to do something for them? My Mom is hardly ever home so wouldn't have to deal with my cousin, but I would. My biggest fear is having to accomodate her so she doesn't flip out. I am not comfortable with her using my car and wouldn't be surprised if she asked to use my debit card or tried to steal my keys. I can not move out for at least another 2 years until I am finished with my program. I am not ok with this and need advice! |
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I would recommend having a family meeting and laying down some solid boundaries and rules before she moves in. |
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I second this
Stormsong Manor said:
I would recommend having a family meeting and laying down some solid boundaries and rules before she moves in.
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Lay down rules and boundries as Stormsong said. If she doesn't like them then she can find another relative to move in with. And maybe moving in with you and your mother may give your cousin the stability she needs in her life since it sounds like she doesn't have any. |
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Unfortunately, she doesn't follow any boundaries or rules at her own home so why whould she follow them here?
Stormsong Manor said:
I would recommend having a family meeting and laying down some solid boundaries and rules before she moves in.
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That's what you have to work out. "If you don't comply with this/overstep these boundaries/ break this rule then this will happen." if she acts like a child, then treat her like one. Rules and boundaries are key, but there also need to be consequences for when/if these rules are broken. Not only to teach her that she can't do as she pleases, but also to protect you and your mom from anything she tries to do to defy you. |
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This is so true. Probably the best thing to do^^ Another thing I would do is this: Come up with a list of everything that concerns you, and add all of your reasons. I would sit my mother down and as her to listen and now talk until I am finished talking. This way, she is forced to listen to everything you have to say and think about it without interrupting you or butting in. Come up with your own list of boundaries(what would make you fee unsafe, and for each neg. write down a "solution" for it). Then, work with your mother, talk everything through, and come up with a solution that takes both of your POVs into account. Thorough communication is the only way you can come to a reasonable agreement that takes care of both you and your mother. So whatever you decide to do, just make sure you are talking about it together.
The Mystic One said:
That's what you have to work out. "If you don't comply with this/overstep these boundaries/ break this rule then this will happen." if she acts like a child, then treat her like one. Rules and boundaries are key, but there also need to be consequences for when/if these rules are broken. Not only to teach her that she can't do as she pleases, but also to protect you and your mom from anything she tries to do to defy you.
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