Lieutenant Calvert

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"Uh, pretty much, I guess. He's... whaddaya call it.. a useful idiot," Norrie said. "Not so much that he lacks one, it's just busy what with BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT, BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT."

"Well in that case, maybe you can help me on my epic quest to eradicate pedophiles, child traffickers," She offered only half jokingly. That wasn't the epic quest, but it was a side quest. Ten points for every one killed. Fifteen if it's a slow death. "That wasn't exactly the question, though. Not something you have done necessarily, something you could do," She said. "Me? Oh, probably a gunslinger badass sort who died doing something good. Like Joan of Arc, know of her?" Norrie answered. Joan was the top dog of badass women in history, and there was no arguing with Norrie on that. "Sure, but since when were you kind?" She snorted, taking note of the fact he hadn't said he WOULD kill her. That was a good thing. "Oh yeah. There's also a cousin version, the Yo Mama Joke. Like, yo mama so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house," She said with a snort. That one was a classing. Any jokes involving someone's mother were good, and why not? Can't make jokes about their dads since they still haven't brought home the milk. "I'm sure you would," She agreed. Hell, Axl was good at insulting ANYONE. He could probably lower a TREE'S self esteem. "You also never DISagreed to it!" Norrie called back, laughing like a maniac. That was, until he scaled a nearby tree, and all laughter died in her throat. And then somehow he was ABOVE her, and Norrie had enough time to wonder HOW the ACTUAL FUCK did he DO that? before she got snow down the back of her shirt. "Oh you BASTARD!" She barked, shaking herself like a dog in an effort to be free of this horrible thing. As quickly as she could without slipping and, y'know, DYING, Norrie descended about halfway down the tree, going around it at the same time so the trunk was - for now - between her and Axl.

Axl barked a rough laugh at her words. "Makes sense." he agreed. Honestly, that was probably the kindest thing they could've said about them. Weird, wasn't it? Then again, he was TERRIBLE at compliments. Great at insulting, but if you wanted some nice words out of him, you mineswell just go shove a stick up yo ass and look elsewhere. "Ah yes, I would be glad to help you on that quest. I will be of great help. Do I get to torture them first? And what means of killing is okay? I prefer crushing skull to snapping neck, but I can be okay with only snapping the neck." He mused, ears twitching. He would be GLAD to rip the throats out of those monsters. They were the REAL monsters. The weird childish phrase 'it's what's on the inside that counts' was actually rather true. Appearances didn't matter much. He was pretty evil on the inside, but that was beside the point. Those shitweasels were worse. "Hmm. Well... I guess I'd want to be remembered as the guy that killed all of the pedophiles in the world." He snorted. "As someone who took out the worst people. Someone who didn't want to be put in the history books because it's what they did that mattered, not that people knew about it. Someone who had integrity... doing the right thing even when nobody is watching." He shrugged. "But the main point of that is... I don't want to be remembered for whatever I do, good or bad. I don't need people to read books about me and think how great or horrible I was. The only person's opinion that matters is mine, and as long as I'm happy with what I did, that's the only thing that matters." He smiled crookedly. "I guess the sentimental shitty human part of my mind took over." Terrifying. Maybe he should get a lobotomy. Actually, a lot of people would probably like that if he didn't die. "Uh, you're practically that already." He snorted. "I'm SURE someone will remember you a lot like that." He chuckled quietly. A more amused chuckle. "Yeah, I've read about her." He nodded slightly. They were similar in some ways. At her words, he shook his head with slight amusement. What amazing things people put their mind to. Yo mama jokes. "Well SURE I never disagreed to it because I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HALF MONKEY." He coughed out with a slight eyeroll, a grin forming on his lips as she stopped laughing and looked absolutely shocked. "You practically did the same thing!" He replied cheerily, easily letting himself drop a few branches before catching himself again, swinging around, and doing the same thing again- landing on top of the branch right above her head and sending snow cascading down on her. "You're weeeeeeelcooooome!" Axl somehow grinned wider, looking evil.

Lieutenant Calvert

ᓚᘏᗢ

"Torture is encouraged, actually, and if they can't keep it to their own age, you can't be expected to limit your punishment methods," Norrie said, "so be creative." Burn them, de-bone them, bleed them out, drown them, strangle them, crush them, pulverize their limbs one at a time, pour acid down their throats, impale them, drop them from very high, run them over with a bigrig, ship them internationally in a small box, throw them into a jet engine, lots of ways. "That's... oddly noble," She said, smiling a little. "Like Hitler; he lived a villain, died a villain, and yet there are still people that think he was a good guy. People's opinions will always be ill-informed, no matter what." Better to just be forgotten and allowed to ACTUALLY rest in peace than have people argue over your deeds years later. "Well thanks," She said, "but that's the problem, not everyone will. I've pissed off a good few people, and they're gonna tell their kids and grandkids about how I was actually awful, and they'll start spreading that shit while conveniently leaving out the fact the one who STARTED it was an asshole." That'd spread like wildfire and then who was once a hero would then become a horrible person, probably even twisted to seem like a terrorist. "You haven't learned anything! You SHOULD'VE said that my mother was a monkey!" She huffed. He'd learn the art of the Yo Mama Joke though, Norrie'd see to it. "Did not!" She argued. Her little bit of distance didn't last long, and she was snowy again in an instant. It settled in her hair and got stuck in her lashes and would definitely make her clothes wet, and again she shook herself off. Since down wasn't an option, Norrie instead option to go up and around as quickly as possible, and she didn't stop until she was balanced precariously on a branch high enough that she could feel the tree sway in the slight breeze, one arm hooked around the trunk. The only branches above her weren't strong enough to hold her, let alone Axl, so now she could only go back down. The only REAL problem with this spot was that the tree's white-frosted needles hid Axl from her sight. She wasn't sure if he was directly below her or coming up from behind.

"Creative. I'm looking forward to it already." Axl's dark eyes lit up like the night sky with a burning meteor flying through it. He could only IMAGINE the possibilities. The pressure points. The bones he could PULVERIZE. The screams and SMELL of terror. God how he LOVED the smell of terror. So potent and powerful and fuckin' intoxicating. He could break their toes one by one. Pull off their fingernails and pull out their teeth. Cut off their tongue so he could only hear the screams, not the begging for mercy. Skin them alive. Gouge out their eyeballs with their own fingers that he violently ripped off. The possibilities were ENDLESS.

What was running through his mind did NOT match up with her next words- he was currently thinking about how was the most efficient way to break their vertebrae but starting from the bottom and only after he did everything else so it paralyzed them from the legs up when she said what he said was oddly noble. It took him a second for his brain to connect what he had said with what she said, cause what he was THINKING did not feel oddly noble, it felt like it may be airing on the side of cannibalism. "It's just the truth, noble or not." He snorted. He could PRETEND to be an arrogant asshole that thought he looked like a Greek God, but honestly, he didn't want to be noticed. He just wanted to do what needed to be done. "Yeah. I don't want people to read about me and only see the opinion of the author. If what they read isn't true, which most things won't be, I'd rather it not be there at all." He shrugged. Simple as that. HOWEVER, from what HE read and knew of Hitler, the guy was a fucking PSYCHCOPATH.

"Yes, but why the fuck does everyone else's opinion matter? If you think you're like Joan of the Arc, it should be good enough for you." He pointed out. "As long as you're pleased with what you did, to hell with what all the other dipshits think." Honestly, if he paid more attention to other peoples opinions than he did right now, he'd literally have killed himself as soon as he could. It was hard to ignore some things, and honestly, the big bad Axl was insecure deep down inside somewhere, but he didn't let most things get to him.

"Well SO-RRY I was BUSY trying to wrap my head around how insulting somebody's mother is FUNNY." He rolled his eyes. "Here: Your mama's so ugly she makes blind kids cry. Good enough? How about... your mama's so fat when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Atlantic Ocean." He scoffed. If she wanted insults, he could give INSULTS. Just call them fucking insults, though.

He pricked his ears slightly and stayed where he was as she moved... mineswell give her a slight headstart. When he stopped hearing scuffling, he sniffed the air. She was about 13 feet above him, a little to the left from what he could tell. He peered upward but couldn't see anything, so he silently crept around the branches, in a spiral motion around the trunk, heading upwards. When the scent grew stronger he slowed his pace more, lips twisted into a smirk as he moved up just behind and below her, then scooped snow off of a needly branch and lobbed it at her neck. "Gotcha." He chirped sweetly, a wicked smile on his face as he prepared to move himself back behind the trunk.

Lieutenant Calvert

ᓚᘏᗢ

"Good. I bet the pedos won't be," Norrie said with a small snicker. Who cares if they aren't looking forward to justice, they don't get a say.

"Mhm," Was all she said. "Yeah, and there's gotta be sides to everything, so two hunnerd years from now, some idiot's gonna be shoutin about how you were awesome, and the other will call you every slur under the sun." Why did everything need a side? There's USUALLY ONE truth, so THAT should be the ONLY side. Stop spouting nonsense just to stir up drama, yeesh.

"Should be," She sighed, "but my name's gonna be recorded and shit, and what I've done. Not a whole lot I can do about it what with everything being digital, so I'd better make sure what's recorded is undoubtably GOOD shit, y'know? If I can't erase my public image, then it'd better at least be a positive one." It wasn't like she could just go burn archives n shit and literally erase herself from the history books. "While I do agree with that to some extent, I come back to Hitler- he thought he was a good guy," She said. Sooo, it wasn't so much that what other people thought mattered so long as one had good morals. Which Norrie kind of didn't. Sure, there was usually a right and a wrong, but it's sometimes hard to tell which is which or the wrong choice seems so wonderful. Like brake-checking the idiot that honked earlier.

"Be very sorry, it's all on the internet AND it's hilarious!" Norrie said. She snickered at his utterly perfect yo mama jokes. "THERE ya go!" She called approvingly. He WAS learning. And quicker than the kindergarteners she'd taught to swear, and that was saying something since kids were like parrots.

Norrie tried her hardest to find Axl below her, but the tree that was her new perch was also like a deer blind, except SHE was the deer. The harsh shadows cast by the last of the sun's rays certainly didn't help. She squealed involuntarily when she got hit with more snow, RIGHT down the fuckin shirt again. She couldn't really do anything about it, so instead settled for a few swears and the expression of someone in great discomfort. Norrie was definitely not dressed for the impromptu snowball fight, and with the lack of sunlight was getting colder by the minute. Even though she could see the cloud of her own breath in front of her now, she wasn't about to give up. Axl was close enough that if she jumped and landed perfectly like a cat she could get down on the same branch, but was definitely not confident enough in her parkour skills to try it. Unfortunately he was also blocking her only escape - downward - since she'd just get covered in snow, and snow turned into wet. Wet was bad. Especially wet and cold. "Asshole, didn't you ever learn that's no way to trat a lady?" She huffed.

"They don't get a say." Axl snorted. If you were that vile, you shouldn't get a say in anything. You've used up all your bad decisions. No more.

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"Ha. Yeah, some idiot." He scoffed. Obviously they would be the ones that didn't read whatever stupid ass book was written. He kinda sided on the one that called him every slur under the sun. He was a literal killing machine, what good was there to come of that?

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"Well, then at least some people will believe the truth. And you'll be too dead to be irritated with the other ones." He stated with a snort. That was his logic... didn't matter what you wanted, cause if ya were talking about books, you're gonna be dead before anything happens. THAT'S why as long as you thought you did good, that's all that mattered. "Yeah. And if it's positive, you'll likely appreciate the things you did." He shrugged. At her next words, he chuckled quietly, shaking his head. "Well good for him. At least he thought he did the right thing, even if he REALLY didn't and totally messed up many whole countries and killed millions of Jews. He's a LITTLE bit different case than us though, don't ya think? I'm pretty sure, like 92 percent certain, that we won't take charge of a country and use it to murder millions of people." He pointed out with a sarcastic tone to his voice. Maybe 91 percent sure. It could happen. As long as you weren't murdering innocent people- or torturing innocent people- then you were doin' pretty good, in his opinion. Then again, when had his opinion ever mattered? It's not like he knew much about real life and how the fuck to live it. He likely never would.

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"Okay okay- I agree. They can be funny." Axl rolled his eyes, looking sliiiightly amused. All you had to do was tell him to insult someone's mother, and he could do it. Simple as that. Actually, after he did do those first two, he mentally looked up more, and it had him having to stop because DAYUM they were good. He would have to steal some inspiration.

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Axl couldn't help but grin, with the same fangy wicked intent, as she let out a squeal, brushing some snow Offa his bare shoulder. Yeah, he wasn't really dressed for a snowball fight either. He didn't even have a shirt for the snow to go down, so there. Then again, he could substant lower temperatures than humans.... but then then again, he was starting to feel the chill creeping into his bones like poison slowly icing his veins over. His eyebrows lifted as she spoke, a slight smirk flitting onto his lips. "Number one... you're half MONKEY I didn't REALIZE the other half was lady. For two, I also didn't think ladies turned people into Swiss cheese." He pointed out with a lopsided grin. "But now that I know.... nothings gonna change." He finished with a teasing lilt to his tone, batting some snow offa branch he was on towards her, just lightly spraying her. "If you try just a little harder, I think you can get close to hitting me." Axl taunted sweetly, moving sideways slightly so he had a fresh expanse of snow on a branch to take from if she tried to come down. To him, it looked like she was treed, but she could still do shit. His cyborg hand still gripped a branch and he was using the other for throwing ... he was left hand dominant, and he had lost his right arm, so it worked out.

Lieutenant Calvert

ᓚᘏᗢ

"Ha no. Irritated in life, irritated in death. I'll be turning in my grave fast enough to catch fire," Norrie snorted. The one comfort was that she'd at least be IN her grave before the wars started, and there was a chance people'd just forget about her. Like Stanislav Petrov, a lieutenant colonel in the Soviet Air Defence Forces during the Cold War. Petrov was on duty at the command center for the Soviet Union's early-warning system, known as Oko. On September 26, 1983 the system reported the launch of an intercontinental ballistic missile from the United States, followed by four more missiles. According to protocol, Petrov was supposed to report the alert to his superiors, which could have led to a retaliatory nuclear strike. However, Petrov suspected that the warning was a false alarm. He decided to wait for additional confirmation, which never came. Petrov's decision to disobey orders and not report the alert is credited with preventing a potential nuclear war between the Soviet Union and the United States. He basically prevented a nuclear war and yet nobody knew about it until years later. "I guess," Norrie said. He was right, though. "You sure about that? I mean, I don't think we'll murder millions of people, but we could totally take charge of a country," She said. Wouldn't be TOO hard. Start with Nevada, then you've got Area 51 and all sorts of things they've got there, then just keep pushing the Nevada border out and claiming land [with stakes and tin cans] until you've got the US, and why stop there? Take Canada and Mexico while you're at it.

"Good. I might think you're like Jackson if you didn't think they were funny," Norrie said. Jackson had what Norrie thought of as a sad beige sense of humor. Like, boring office jokes.

"Why yes, my mother was a monkey and my father was a lady!" Norrie said. "And THIS ONE does." If course ladies turn people into swiss cheese. Like witches! Annd, what do you do with a witch? Burn her! What else do you burn? Wood! And wood floats on water- what else floats? A duck! So, if Norrie weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood, and therefore a witch! "Disre-fuckin-spectful," She huffed, brushing snow off herself with her free hand. "If I'm not actually hitting you, that's a waste of snow," Norrie argued. She reached up and around the trunk, grabbed a branch above Axl, and pulled on it, dumping all of its snow.

"Ah well, guess you'll just have to suffer then." Axl shrugged. That was the extent of his helpful words. He was now back to completely unhelpful usually insults. With the thought of insults, he was thinking about some of the yo mama ones he had stashed away... yo mama's so fat I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas, yo mama's so fat that she walked past the TV and I missed 3 episodes... yo mama's so fat she had to put a detour sign around her neck when she went for a walk... yo mama's so fat even Dora can't explore her. Those are just some of the delightful gold nuggets running through his mind. "Okay, well taking charge of a country still isn't murdering innocent people." He flashed a wicked smile. "Everyone we would have to kill to take charge of the country is a narcissistic monkey bottom slug juice lip smackin' jingle hippo chops shitweasel, so I wouldn't feel any remorse." Welcome to him throwing a bunch of random ass words together to make an insult.

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"Oh there are some very funny ones." He agreed with a slight snort, mind instinctively giving him more. Yo mama's so ugly the prison used her face as the punishment for treason. Yo mama's so fat that when she went into a zoo a zookeeper said 'oh boy, another elephant got out!' Yo mama's like a shotgun. One cock and she blows.

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"Okay then. You're a lady that Swiss cheeses people. Understood." He snorted. (YES MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL REFERENCE) "I'm no gentleman, sorry." He lifted his hands with an unapologetic smirk. He wasn't sorry at all. "Maybe you should try to actually hit me, then." Axl offered, letting out a disgruntled snort as snow rained down on his back and hair, turning him white. He shook his head with another snort, brushing off his shoulders. "Just gonna hide up there, huh?" He taunted, moving around the trunk and simultaneously grabbing some snow and squishing it into a snowball. He tossed it at her back, then immediately moved back. "Admit defeat." Axl huffed, skin twitching as a cold breeze blew through the tree, the snow quickly melting against his skin.

Lieutenant Calvert

ᓚᘏᗢ

"Guess so. Woe is me," Norrie sighed dramatically. Not like it could get too much worse, and hopefully she'd die before people got too terribly upset about her existence. Going around killing people who didn't like you wasn't exactly ideal behavior. "True, though there's bound to be some... collateral damage," She said, then let out a laugh. "You remind me of a fourth-grader; any word can be an insult with the right intentions." That's how kids ended up calling eachother squid, or chunk, or something similar. Dog biscuit. Sandwich wrapper. It was proof in Norrie's belief that there was no such thing as a bad word, only bad intentions. You could call someone a bitch affectionately and it's not a swear or insult, but you could call someone a cotten-headed ninny muggins with the intentions of being insulting and succeed. And some people DESERVED to be called a cotton-headed ninny muggins and WORSE.

"Accourse there are. Yo mama jokes are the peak of comedy," Norrie snorted. She'd certainly been a menace on the school playground. (One cock and she blows💀that's just baaad xD)

"There ya go, now you've got it," She said approvingly. Now she'd never not think of her tommygun as a Swiss-Cheese-inator. In Doctor Doofinshmirtz's voice. (Yessss of course, I can't help it xD) "You tiny brained wiper of other people's bottoms!" She said in her bestest french accent. Which was to say it was just as good, if not better than her Malfoy impression, considering she could shout that sentence at him in French. Vous, petit cerveau essuyeur des fesses des autres! "What, like that?" She asked innocently, grinning triumphantly. Perfect hit. "What, getting tired?" She shot back. Although ideally the answer was yes, if he's still throwin she wasn't gonna leave the unsafe safety of the tree. "Never! Not until I either get frostbite or fall outta the tree!" She huffed, and given how the branch under her feet had a thin layer of ice on it and her hands were going numb, one or the other was bound to happen, and soon. But who caaares? No great loss! She reached up above herself and scooped snow off another branch, loosely balling it up before lobbing it at Axl.