It had honestly been such a crappy week, maybe even it started before that, middle of last week. Just little things, then on Monday, my horse Bluey started to show clear signs of EPM, but was okay. The vet wouldn't answer right away, so we had to wait until today, which he was substantially worse, to point of heartbreaking falling and wobbling everywhere. His symptoms escalates quickly. Anyways, she came out today, and we euthanized him. And I'm just absolutely sick. And I know that there is almost nothing owners can do to prevent EPM but I still feel like such a crappy horse parent. I don't know what else I could've done, but that I could've done more.

And Bluey was 2. He was TWO YEARS OLD. He had such a beautiful life ahead of him and I just struggle so much to understand WHY?? My bestest boy Bluey broke my heart today.

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And on top of that today, we had a lazy set up an appointment to come and try out a horse of ours for sale. No big deal, it was mid-morning, and essentially she told us she got stuck in traffic then ghosted us, a tire kicker, I was SUPER frustrated, and of course Blueys situation didn't help at all. We waited around on these people for FORever, which, we didn't do anything else today anyways but still, don't be a tire kicker. Well come around 4 pm, she texts me saying she's here, so we go show her the horse, which she did decide to take her sometime next week but yeah.

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My friends are having drama, and they've added me on more hours/days of work, which was a blessing in a way too. Then I had makeup/hair done for work related pictures on Tuesday, which I absolutely hate regardless but the whole event took around 4ish hours.

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And we live close to a suburban area right? Have our own horse property and whatnot. Well my "city" (not super city though) friends obviously can't relate at all to my situation with Bluey. I used to be bullied in school for having horses so I don't really like talking about my horses anyways, but I really want someone to be able to understand what I'm going through and offer advice but it's not really like I can ask any of my friends so that sucks.

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Heck to be so honest, i say it's been such a crappy week (and it's only Wednesday), but really, it's been such a rough YEAR. I just feel like things that should have been so "right" if you know what I mean just turned so absolutely and udderly WRONG and I just can't fix it. I haven't been able to fix ANY of it and it's just so frustrating.

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And next week I go to get "tested" or whatever for anxiety. I don't want to take anxiety medication, that gives me more anxiety. And this is gonna sound so absolutely rude and hateful, but I dont mean it that way, but taking medication for, like, something more than just the common cold, makes me feel so broken. Like gosh now I'm broken somethings wrong with me. Which it is, but still. I don't even want to get tested but my family is being persistent about it.

So anyways, please send prayers back. I hope the what feels like relentless pounding on me let's up soon, becuase honestly I don't know how much more I can take before I just give in/up..