thanks so much for all of your advice! At this point I have managed to keep my anxiety outside of my riding life. but I will definitely use those tactics in other social situations!

I completely understand where you are coming from, Sun! Also, sorry that I'm a little late to this topic. I've severe anxiety since fifth grade, and I get anxious while riding as well. It might sound stupid, but what really helps me is talking to my horse. Tell him a funny story, or go on a random tangent about the one person you despise! Your brain can only focus on one thing at a time, so if you're talking, your brain gets distracted from the anxiety and you'll gradually start to calm down. It's very effective!!

Anxiety is such a -fun- experience while riding... I totally know where you are coming from. I don't have any tips since I don't know how to deal with it myself, but I wish you the best of luck in enjoying riding!

I know this has been on hold for a while, but I really hope I can offer some advice. I also get mild panic attacks, and it has happened while riding before. I am like you were taking a break isn't really an option. Your heart is so into it that the thought of leaving for a break makes everything worse. For me it's on days I'm already stressed out on, and especially when working a little spicy bay mare. She's great but sometimes she disregards outside rein and has no breaks. (getting a million times better) Taking the time to do some of the following has worked really well for me and I hope it does for you. My background: I am do not own my own horse, but we have family friends who let me come out and ride. It's been over 6 years there now and I work, show, train horses and train myself there. It's literally unlimited access. I love it. The horse I work is 15 but a green jumper, with a ton of quirks and attitude. He's fantastic though! The most important thing I have learned is to advocate for myself. It's been huge for me. I'm incredibly loyal to my trainer, but the best thing she has ever done for me is telling me to challenge her. Your hunter jumper trainer has 45 years of experience. That's fantastic! I am super happy that you get to work with her. However, transparency is super duper important in the horse (& dog showing) world. You rely on your trainer to help you make the best possible decision for you and your horse. But in order to be on the same page, it might be a good idea for you to just mention that you have been stressing occasionally while riding. This doesn't have to be a serious conversation where you sit down and make heartfelt eye contact. For you, it could just be...Hey XYZ I've noticed that I get real tense and anxious sometimes while riding DJ, I was wondering what you suggest. It's likely you wouldn't be the first to ask her about it with that much experience, and then she knows what's happening without making it a huge deal. Another suggestion is to break it up for you and your horse. If it's just you riding, find a meditation exercise to do before you ride to mentally "be there". Trust me, it really really works. And then when you do ride, especially by yourself, make a playlist. Every song, change the exercise. Boom- leg yields, Boom- jumping, Boom- walk break outside if you have that option, Boom - jumping, Boom- trotting, Boom- another walk break. This is a great method to just mix it up. Your horse used to the same lesson pattern might just be so confused he doesn't bother spooking. We have had a horse who would buck, rear, throw riders be complete puppy dogs after breaking sessions up. This also works for riders. A slow song, relax into it at a walk and do some measured deep breathing. These breaks keep the rider from holding on to any tension they may not even know they have. Again, it all helps! I only read a portion of this topic, so I apologize if I repeated or overlooked anything. The last thing I want to do is discourage you or tell you you "have" to do something. Everyone has got an opinion, but at the end of the day they are not you, and you know yourself and your horse best. It's just up to you to follow your gut and stand up for yourself. I understand where you are coming from and I really really hope everything comes together for you! Hope I helped!

thanks so much for all of your advice :) I have talked to my trainer about what happened and she understand about it and we have worked out a system for if it ever happens again :)