Horse Eden Eventing Game
Horse Eden Eventing Game


Year: 192   Season: Spring   
$: 0
Forecast: Morning Showers then Cooling
Forecast:
Wed 09:51pm  
Stables Online:  113 
Chatbox
Stargazer
09:50:11 Star - RID|KNN
Thanks :) Love when I get them, just a little random surprise is always nice
Rising Stars Stable
09:49:12 Willow ~ AA Breeder
Star
I love chemeras!
Congrats
Narran Park
09:49:04 Sting
Star, that Chim is beautiful! wow
Narran Park
09:48:39 Sting
Appreciate that <3.
I was lucky. I had a lot of Drive to do something with my life. It could have ended up very different.
Stargazer
09:47:30 Star - RID|KNN
First Chimera of the season. Didnt get but one or two last season.
-HEE Click-
FirstLightFarms
09:47:20 puck
awh I love that <3 glad you got through it. hopefully your sisters do as well
Narran Park
09:45:25 Sting
I actually even did a podcast interview on my crazy life.
A wild time.
Narran Park
09:44:55 Sting
Oh yeah, i am fine. Happily Married to an amazing man, have our own land, horses, Chickens. A Full time job.

I am one of the lucky ones though. My sisters not so much.
FirstLightFarms
09:43:02 puck
Are you doing okay now, sting?
Wolf Dancer
09:38:36 Wolf Burger (Leg)
Sting
That's so young. You must be so strong and brave though!
Peachy
09:38:07 peach | abbi
goodness, sting. 11 is so, so terribly young to deal with that. :(
Wolf Dancer
09:37:21 Wolf Burger (Leg)
Ven
Ohhh! Nice set! Love the dramaticness!
Stormsong Manor
09:36:53 Ven
Oh goodness, 11. That's so young. I'm sorry!
FirstLightFarms
09:36:52 puck
oof i'm sorry y'all. family can be really fucking hard sometimes
Narran Park
09:36:29 Sting
Same Ven,
I left my mum when i was 11. Never knew my dad.

My mum has the crazy,
Willow Wood Stable
09:36:28 Lo l Jo
I don't speak to much of my family either. At least, not my dad's side. Step mom and her family screwed things up very badly. Badly enough for my 27-year-old self to distance from forever.
Stormsong Manor
09:36:14 Ven
I did, to match the set :D Thanks!
Peachy
09:36:09 peach | abbi
sometimes that is so necessary. i hate the whole "but they're family" thing. 🙄
Wolf Dancer
09:35:56 Wolf Burger (Leg)
Ven
Oof that's rough/sad :( Also did you change your colors? They look great!
Stormsong Manor
09:34:56 Ven
I am 100% estranged from my entire biological family now at age 36. The only person related to me in my life is my son

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than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.



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Stargazer
09:50:11 Star - RID|KNN
Thanks :) Love when I get them, just a little random surprise is always nice
Rising Stars Stable
09:49:12 Willow ~ AA Breeder
Star
I love chemeras!
Congrats
Narran Park
09:49:04 Sting
Star, that Chim is beautiful! wow
Narran Park
09:48:39 Sting
Appreciate that <3.
I was lucky. I had a lot of Drive to do something with my life. It could have ended up very different.
Stargazer
09:47:30 Star - RID|KNN
First Chimera of the season. Didnt get but one or two last season.
-HEE Click-
FirstLightFarms
09:47:20 puck
awh I love that <3 glad you got through it. hopefully your sisters do as well
Narran Park
09:45:25 Sting
I actually even did a podcast interview on my crazy life.
A wild time.
Narran Park
09:44:55 Sting
Oh yeah, i am fine. Happily Married to an amazing man, have our own land, horses, Chickens. A Full time job.

I am one of the lucky ones though. My sisters not so much.
FirstLightFarms
09:43:02 puck
Are you doing okay now, sting?
Wolf Dancer
09:38:36 Wolf Burger (Leg)
Sting
That's so young. You must be so strong and brave though!
Peachy
09:38:07 peach | abbi
goodness, sting. 11 is so, so terribly young to deal with that. :(
Wolf Dancer
09:37:21 Wolf Burger (Leg)
Ven
Ohhh! Nice set! Love the dramaticness!
Stormsong Manor
09:36:53 Ven
Oh goodness, 11. That's so young. I'm sorry!
FirstLightFarms
09:36:52 puck
oof i'm sorry y'all. family can be really fucking hard sometimes
Narran Park
09:36:29 Sting
Same Ven,
I left my mum when i was 11. Never knew my dad.

My mum has the crazy,
Willow Wood Stable
09:36:28 Lo l Jo
I don't speak to much of my family either. At least, not my dad's side. Step mom and her family screwed things up very badly. Badly enough for my 27-year-old self to distance from forever.
Stormsong Manor
09:36:14 Ven
I did, to match the set :D Thanks!
Peachy
09:36:09 peach | abbi
sometimes that is so necessary. i hate the whole "but they're family" thing. 🙄
Wolf Dancer
09:35:56 Wolf Burger (Leg)
Ven
Oof that's rough/sad :( Also did you change your colors? They look great!
Stormsong Manor
09:34:56 Ven
I am 100% estranged from my entire biological family now at age 36. The only person related to me in my life is my son

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.






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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
   1 

Not feeling good enough.. October 30, 2019 10:28 AM


Aspen Fire ES
 
Posts: 6362
#477768
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I started to feel like I wasn't good enough for anything about a week ago and I was afraid to tell anyone. My depression slowly creeping back into my life...before you say anything, no I'm not looking for attention, no I don't want to speak to a therapist, and no I'm not faking about how I really feel deep down...

I've never saw myself opening up to people face to face but when I'm around an animal, I start to feel accepted for once. Yes I have a loving family and yes I know that they will love & accept me for who I am but...I'm still haunted by the past until my aunt got me to open up more to her. I've opened up to her about the pain, the bullying, the harassment, the hits that I would get for no reason from other people from high school, and the close calls of my stupid decisions of almost losing my virginity that could've gotten me pregnant at 16 or 18 years old...

I had to burn bridges of people that have hurt me and used me...but the painful memories still haunt me til this day and I can still feel it everytime I close my eyes to fall asleep, hearing the voices telling me that "Your worth nothing" "You'll never amount up to anything!" "You'll never be good enough" "No wonder your dad left you because your a mistake!" "No one would love you because of how ugly you are"

My aunt would notice that everytime I'm around an animal, my eyes would light up and it was like I was a completely different person even with my baby girl (she's a calico cat) she makes everything feel okay, she's basically a best friend that I have grown up with and I would do anything for her but the fear of losing her....would honestly break me, even if it means putting her down so she couldn't be in pain anymore and as much as I would love to get back into riding and having my own horses... I'm afraid of living through the pain again from the past..

Anyways, I've finally got what I wanted out of my chest for a long time...thank you for reading & understanding this..

Edited at March 29, 2022 08:46 AM by Aspen Fire ES
Not feeling good enough.. November 1, 2019 12:29 AM


WarriorMaiden
 
Posts: 232
#478864
Give Award
*hugs* Depression is no joke. And honestly, it's okay to not want to see/talk to a therapist. Therapy doesn't always help. (Speaking from experience there...) You do what helps you. If you ever need a listening ear, feel free to message me. :)

Edited at November 1, 2019 12:29 AM by WarriorMaiden

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
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