...

Kai nodded and pecked her forehead. "Why would you say I should kill myself anyways? And it wouldn't be the first time I tried, darling"

...

Kai sighed, knowing she would not let this go if he didn't tell her. "Baby, first of I need you to promise to not freak out. Please." He began softly, pecking her cheek. "I was sixteen, my father...punished me for the first time." He said, moving her hands to the scars on his back. "I didn't want to even try to live to being an adult, so I stopped eating and drinking until I grew too weak to do anything. My mother forced me to eat and drink after a while and threatened me with killing herself. I loved my mother. She was an amazing woman and the nicest person I knew before you, so naturally I ate and drank to regain strength and live. The second time was on a mission, hunting down one of my father's targets. It was a mother and she was walked with her two kids. I'd stalled as long as I could and the consequence for not completing the mission was far too great. I shot the woman, her children watching as the light left their mother's eyes and I went back home without looking at her again. I wanted to cause as much pain to myself as I could before finally putting a bullet through my own head, so I began stabbing my own legs and torso, watching my own blood pool around me until I blacked out without killing myself. I remember waking in a hospital and a doctor telling me that he'd barely been able to keep me alive. I was pissed and he didn't understand why. Naurally, I couldn't tell him I'd shot a mother while her children watched and it hit so hard that I turned into a masochist, so I just went home the next day without explaining." Kai paused, taking a shaky breath. "Most recently...was when I hurt you. When I told you to leave." He said, his voice cracking as a tear rolled down his face. "I hated myself so much. I still loved you but I thought you'd never want me again. I purposely refused to take down another target and also killed multiple of my father's own snipers just so my father would hurt me more. He tied me to a pillar, stabbing me and whipping me until I could hardly take any more. My father grew tired and cussed me out before sending me away. I was angry he hadn't continued onto my death, but I believe he was keeping the last Vitelli alive--even if just barely." Kai couldn't look Lorelei in the eye, shame written all over his face.

...

...

Kai nodded, now upset he'd hurt her. "Sorry" He muttered quietly

...

"Baby, I shoved you away. You did nothing wrong. I thought you would never want me again and that you'd want me gone for good, so I turned to what I thought would work to die." Kai said, oecking her forehead. "You did nothing wrong, darling"

...