Hello everyone, I'll start by saying i have suspected Alexithymia, (undiagnosed) so i genuinely cannot tell if i am wrong in this scenario or not so please please do let me know.

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I have a job looking after a boy with special needs through a family friend, she is a friend of my mothers and offered me the job because i needed money. I don't like children, like at all, i don't want children and i only like being around children who are related to me (unrelated but i have a 9 year old brother and i love him to death, which is the same age as the kid i watch) my brother and this kid are both autistic and i am absolutely fine dealing with this, im somewhat autistic too i think though it isn't diagnosed i was going to have tests in highschool but the 5 years i was there (i think it was a while ago and i can't remember 😂 general UK highschool time) they didn't have enough time to. But i understand all of the needs, but the kid i watch, lets call him peter, has alot more needs like GDD and hypomobility. This is usually fine but it can be alot, the problem isn't with him so much as it is with his mum, im tret like a babysitter and because of my condition i really really struggle to express when i don't want to do something so i end up just accepting it, this is usually when my mum and her go out for drinks i am always stuck watching her kid because she doesn't trust anyone else ( i don't see how thats my fault) , i would like to express that she has at least 5 adults in her family that live on the same street, but its always me and im not paid for this time, she occasionally offers to buy me food at her favourite carvery (i have an eating disorder so in all my food comes to about £6 because i get a kids meal and a drink) if she wants to go shopping its always me that gets asked before anyone else or actual family, i go to theme parks with him where i have to pay for myself and only get to go on kids rides (im a fat person and im under no illusion that I'm not, so half of the rides i don't dare to try and get on them if i know i won't fit, this happened once and i still have a bit of trauma from that, i know it sounds silly.) Im always the one who ends up carring the bags and pushing his wheelchair, in the last time we went i was pressed up next to his car seat for about 3 hours and i bruised my thigh from this and damaged my hip as i still ended up carrying the bag and pushing the chair even after expressing how much pain i was in. I deal with pain very well i have 14 tattoos and one full spine one, it didn't hurt, i was in a serious amount of pain yet still ended up doing that. She says stuff that i think she finds funny or is trying to joke, things like asking me to step out to look to see if a car is coming because she would "rather risk my life than peters" and that if peter got anything wet when playing with water she would still blame me. Frankly i am so pissed off with the amount i end up doing for her because i don't even like peter, he hits me coughs in my face and screams in my ears and tries to bite me all the time. I literally do not know how to say no. For the most recent event that made me write this, she asked me to come to the hospital with him because he needs the electrode devices on his head and she wants me to stop him taking them off. I have a dog and i love my dog more than life itself, infact if i was about to die there is nowhere i would rather be than with my dog, she asked me if i could tag along before any of her family because they have kids. This is the same reason for everywhere. Her family have kids and i don't. Again i really don't see how its my fault, surely her family would make time when they all have partners (she doesn't). Obviously i said sure because i don't know how to say no but i would much rather be with my dog really but am i right to be this annoyed? Would you also be this annoyed?

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Its to a point where i feel like shit and i have absolutely nobody to compain too because im very very bad with making and keeping actual friends, hence me complaining on here rather than to a friend 😅 i feel like shes taking advantage as i am never happy to do anything like that but apparently thats not obvious whereas when i don't want to do something for someone else, its immediately picked up on.

Advice?

Am i the asshole for feeling like how i do?

It sounds like you need to quit and find a new job. This one isn't healthy for you, either emotionally or physically. It doesn't sound like you're an asshole at all, there's nothing wrong with a job not suiting your needs, as long as you act on it.

I definitely wouldn't fault you if you quit like others are recommending. However it might be more helpful both to you and that woman if you stayed and learned to set firm boundaries. The behavior you're describing makes it sound like she might be a bit on the spectrum herself, the way she's out of touch socially. I doubt you're the first helpful person she's burned a bridge with from overuse, and that may be why she can't go to family. I don't think it would be unkind to say something like "Sorry, I can't go to any more theme parks with you" or even "I'm fine watching him at home, but I can't go on any more trips with you". Don't give all the emotional reasons why, but instead keep it factual; frame it as the social overreach that it is. Explain that these aren't normal expectations for your position, and either your duties need to be cut back or you need better compensation. If you can get her to understand this, it'll be a win for both you and her.

Thank you all, i think I'm probably going to quit I've been thinking about it for some time its just hard to leave work when it involves a family friend for sure,

If you don't like being around children at all, I wouldn't take a job supervising a child, especially one with special needs. Family friend be damned. Don't let them pressure you into doing something that makes you uncomfortable. No, you're not the asshole, you're just in a situation that doesn't jive with you.