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Cozmic Elite
04:04:28 Z
-HEE Click-
Selling
Speed
Movement
Intelligence
Stained glass horses
Fluffy's Cosy Home
03:58:59 Fluffy
I have:
*WWW/WW Straws
*Studs
*Items in my store
*Decors
*Sale horses
-HEE Click-
MakeEm Fancy
03:31:10 Ally 💜
+20 map used
-HEE Click-
lass
02:52:25 Captain America
-HEE Click-
Auction!
Young EWW horses

All prices start at $500
Sun Ranch
01:31:53 
Spp and PEP rare color fillies for sale
-HEE Click-
Palais de Lys
01:24:01 
-HEE Click-
EEP frame RID filly.
Golden Heart
12:37:15 Gold
-HEE Click-

Come check out my art shop! I would really appreciate it :)
KPH Equestrian
11:43:39 Jake From State Farm
bookin it
art auction
-HEE Click-
Darkwood
11:29:34 The Seeker
Art Auction
Painted Summer
-HEE Click-

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.






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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
   1 

Not feeling good enough.. October 30, 2019 10:28 AM


Aspen Fire ES
  
Posts: 6362
#477768
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I started to feel like I wasn't good enough for anything about a week ago and I was afraid to tell anyone. My depression slowly creeping back into my life...before you say anything, no I'm not looking for attention, no I don't want to speak to a therapist, and no I'm not faking about how I really feel deep down...

I've never saw myself opening up to people face to face but when I'm around an animal, I start to feel accepted for once. Yes I have a loving family and yes I know that they will love & accept me for who I am but...I'm still haunted by the past until my aunt got me to open up more to her. I've opened up to her about the pain, the bullying, the harassment, the hits that I would get for no reason from other people from high school, and the close calls of my stupid decisions of almost losing my virginity that could've gotten me pregnant at 16 or 18 years old...

I had to burn bridges of people that have hurt me and used me...but the painful memories still haunt me til this day and I can still feel it everytime I close my eyes to fall asleep, hearing the voices telling me that "Your worth nothing" "You'll never amount up to anything!" "You'll never be good enough" "No wonder your dad left you because your a mistake!" "No one would love you because of how ugly you are"

My aunt would notice that everytime I'm around an animal, my eyes would light up and it was like I was a completely different person even with my baby girl (she's a calico cat) she makes everything feel okay, she's basically a best friend that I have grown up with and I would do anything for her but the fear of losing her....would honestly break me, even if it means putting her down so she couldn't be in pain anymore and as much as I would love to get back into riding and having my own horses... I'm afraid of living through the pain again from the past..

Anyways, I've finally got what I wanted out of my chest for a long time...thank you for reading & understanding this..

Edited at March 29, 2022 08:46 AM by Aspen Fire ES
Not feeling good enough.. November 1, 2019 12:29 AM


WarriorMaiden
 
Posts: 232
#478864
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*hugs* Depression is no joke. And honestly, it's okay to not want to see/talk to a therapist. Therapy doesn't always help. (Speaking from experience there...) You do what helps you. If you ever need a listening ear, feel free to message me. :)

Edited at November 1, 2019 12:29 AM by WarriorMaiden

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
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