General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"... I'd cuff myself if you asked me to." Leo replied with a wrinkle of his nose. If anyone ELSE asked, he'd laugh in their face. If she asked him to jump offa cliff, he would. Probably not the best thing. Still, he didn't care. (I wouldn't want to be her xD)

"It'd be safe for ME. I never talked about anyone else." He sniffed. He was usually safe ish around her, if they were alone and he didn't anger her. Too much. And she usually wouldn't do more than whack him. (Did you think Glory was actually gonna have a baby xD?)

"That's slightly sad. Years of life wasted because nothing will really matter later." He paused for a moment. "Guess we'd just better be so awesome they write books about us." He joked, smiling slightly. [Little do they know, they accomplished that]

"Well, I appreciate the alien standards of beauty." He grinned. "Or dazzling handsomeness, in my case." He added with a flair. "I may be going senile already." He sniffed. "But there are a lot of reasons to propose to you. You are deadly and beautiful and strong and kind - to me - and I love you, and those are all the reasons I need. Although there are more. Including your fish skills." He chuckled. He could name reasons till the stars fall. Leo would love to talk about EVERY reason that he decided this. It hadn't been a hard decision- he knew what to do deep down. He just had been hesitant as to what she was going to say.

He let out a content breath and turned away from the window, eyes adjusting to the light of the room. He leaned against the bed, inhaling slowly. He wanted to trap this feeling in a bottle so he could feel it whenever he wanted. It was perfect. Glory was perfect for him, and he finally didn't have to worry about what her answer would've been.

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"I know you would," Glory said, smiling. She'd do anything for him, too, though. He says jump, she asks how high. He says someone deserves to be force-fed dog shit? Glory'd be more than happy to cram it down their gullet. (Right? xD Then again maybe she shouldn't have done shit to get arrested in the first place, she had it coming xD)

"Eh, you just said mine's the safest in the solar system. Not the safest for you in particular," She countered. Even still it'd probably be the safest for him than anyone else. Other people would get their brains blown out and their guts strewn across the ground, he'd be possibly scolded and whacked. (No! I was thinking find one. Or, ah, steal one. Like, Glory'd totally accidentally kill someone with a child and just be like 'whoops, guess you're coming with me I guess. Sorry you had to watch your only family's body be horribly disfigured.' xD)

"Dazzling handsomeness, yes. You'd've been drafted into the modeling business like the military," Glory chuckled. Imagine that, two sides going to war and their leaders are just like 'we need the bootifullest peeps to come and strut their stuff like peacocks until the enemy gives up!' At least it wasn't old men sending young men to die overseas. "Maybe. I may be too, then, and if that's the case then it works out just fine," She said. "Aww, that's sweet. I think Mister Big Batterer and Sir Brown Bitey would agree," She giggled, leaning up to press a kiss to his jaw. Maybe it was systematic desesnitization or something, but she was not only getting used to him saying things like that, but she was starting to enjoy it, too. She trusted him enough to know well and truly that he actually meant it, and didn't just want something.

She cast one last glance out the window and snickered quietly at the poor sap, now retreating back inside, shaking their head in confusion, before she began her nightly routine, the first step of which was checking to see if Mephisto, the fluffy black cat that belonged to himself, wanted in. Sure enough, he did. He chirped at Glory, as if to thank the peasant, before strutting to his bed and hopping gracefully onto it and settling down next to Leo, using him as a meat-shield from the dog at the foot of the bed.

"Ah, I'm glad you know you can control me with a single word." He flashed a crooked smile. "Then again, that means the handcuffs wouldn't be necessary... tell me not to touch paints again, I won't." It would be a much harder things if she told him not to touch weapons. He may just die then, but he would begrudingly listen. It was a very good thing she would never do that. He was 99.99999999 percent sure. (EEeeeeexactly lol)

"true true." he agreed. Leo found that he was agreeing to a lot of the stuff she said lately... maybe after encountering drunk Glory he knew he couldn't win a battle with either Glory if he tried. Or he was just saving all his energy for one very important battle that would be coming up. You never knew. Plus, he had said that, so who was he to argue? (That makes more sense, and it is... ah... sort of true. Just not the disfigurement part.... mostly)

"Okay, uh, don't scare me, please. I beg of you. Compliments from you and boasting from me are okay, but no hinting at modeling, I may just fall down and die. No one would want that." He stated with a slight snort. Goodness gracious, if there was something he hated more, it'd only be Corrupted. Imagine... people who literally either were born with a good body and made it their life or STARVED THEMSELVES to look thinner than they were meant to be. Terrifying. At least he gained his delightful musculature through hard work and toiling tirelessly. "ah yes. We have to go senile together so that we can both be equal." Otherwise they'd have one saying something about the other that the other didn't remember and soon they'd be like 'It's windy outside.' 'Is it wednesday, I thought it was friday?!' 'I SAID WINDY YOU OLD TOAD SNORTING BAFFOON.'

"I am sweet, thank you." he smiled smugly, something he was ACTUALLY good at. Sayign sweet things to her, even though she usually didn't appreciate them like he intended and they usually got into a joking argument about how he wasn't lying and how she didn't like compliments and he would lose because he always did. His smile grew slightly wider and happier as she pressed a kiss to his jaw, then he was content watching her do whatever she did before she slept. He had literally not changed out of what he slept in the night before, aka sweatpants, so he was good to go. Apparently being ordered to rest made people lazy, but he just hadn't felt like jeans or cargo pants that day. He picked at a spot of dried possible blood on his shirt, scruntinizing it. He didn't think he bled much today, but it was on the outside of the shirt, and was only a small amount. Weird. He hadn't even done anything. He had walked around, started on another carving, played fetch with Lucy, avoided Simara, talked with Glory, and proposed. That was literally it.

After pondering it for a little while, he gave up and rolled his shoulder, wincing slightly. It still didn't feel the GREATEST, but he would survive. He lifted his more uninjured arm to the back of his shirt, pulling it over his head with a slight wince. The medics had stated that the wound being open to air as much as possible would be good for it, so... here he was.

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Mm, true. Orrr I'd just tell you no little carvings of me, I ain't gonna take your paints away," Glory said with a chuckle. She could be mean - a lot of the time - but she wasn't THAT mean. (Ohhhh I see. I've been rooting for whats-his-face to die actually xD)

"Sorry, I'm just naturally terrifying," She said with a sheepish smile, "And yeah, no, we definitely wouldn't want that." Maybe not no one would want that, but Glory sure as hell didn't, and any objections would be swiftly yet painfully silenced. As they should. She REALLY didn't wanna accidentally scare him to death- literally. She couldn't think of ANYTHING worse.

"Exactly. If we're to be stupid, we BOTH gotta be," She stated. Whiiiich implied that she didn't think Leo to be of sub-par intelligence. She mayyy have said so what felt like a lifetime ago, but even then she never really meant it. She didn't mean a lot of the snarky shit she said, it was just the natural flow of her mouth working faster than her brain at the worst times. Which was usually all of the time.

"Very much so, you're welcome," She said, grinning. Glory also had not bothered to get dressed like a normal functioning human being, and had opted to just throw a hoodie on over her pajamas. Because who actually puts on CLOTHES? Besides, her hoodie was COOL, it was black with a white cat sillhouette on the back in that typical halloweeny style; back arched and its eyes glowed in the dark. AND to top it off, she was wearing matching socks.

Carrying on with her nightly routine, the dog was fed [the cat tried to steal her food but Lucy pushed his face out of her bowl with her snout], Glory brushed her teeth [passive aggressivly so she looked like a rabid dog, then she growled at herself in the mirror as she'd done for damn near twenty years], and the hoodie was sadly ditched. She was on her way to bed when she FINALLY realized Leo'd gone shirtless, and paused to look him over a little. "Too hot, hmm?" She asked teasingly before scooping up Ma-Fatso from where he was bothering Lucy and sitting down next to Leo with the cat on her lap.

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"It would break my wooden heart, but I'd listen." Leo joked with a grin. He loved carving- much more than he liked painting, and would be rather heartbroken if she told him he couldn't do it anymore. He carved lots of things, most of them ornamental, that hung all over his room. (Rodney, yes, but he can't die right away. He has to come after them first hehe. That'll happen TOMORROW, or the first part, anyway)

"Yes, that you are." He agreed with a snort. Who the Frick wanted someone who looked perfect to wear some usually tight flippin' clothes to advertise them? No one that was buying the clothes looked like that! It made no sense. And that was only for CLOTHING. There was SO many other types of modeling, some he would never discuss. "Uh huh. That way when we say something stupid we laugh with each other instead of at each other." He chuckled. It would be better for him, considering if anyone went senile first, it'd be him. He did DEFINITELY notice the implications of her words, and it was internally SLIGHTLY pleasing as ALTHOUGH he knew she was joking she had insulted his intelligence and had never complimented it, and ALTHOUGH he knew she didn't do compliments and a reverse insult was the best you were gunna get... it still wasn't his favorite thing ever. He preoccupied himself with scratching Lucy after the dog was finished eating until Glory started wandering over to the bed, then abruptly paused. He quirked an eyebrow, head tilted slightly. Her words came with realization, and he wrinkled his nose slightly. "Doctors orders, ACTUALLY." He sniffed, but wasn't able to keep the facade up for long, a grin breaking through. "Maybe I just wanted to give you something better to look at than a Swiss cheese wall, you never know." However joking his words were, the wall did have many little dagger holes in it.

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Ohh, he's not a real boy," Glory teased. Pinocchio reference, if one couldn't guess. And a damn good one at that. (Ooohhh yes kill that sonofawhore! I am perhaps just the slightes bit excited in anticipation of more bloodshed- after all, you can't spell slaughter without laughter!)

"Dang right I am," She said, grinning proudly. Terrifying was good. Great, even. Especially if one could be terrifying while brandishing a fish, and Glory had that down. She could be terrifying while brandishing fucking COOKIES. To her, those were just edible throwing stars anyway.

"Exactly! Though I reserve the right to laugh at you should you do something stupid and avoidable which doesn't leave lasting damage," She said. It sounded like a shady contract that one definitely should NOT sign but totally would anyway because it seemed okayish enough on the surface. Yeah... that was the equivalent of a white van with the proclamation of FREE CANDY on the side.

"Then where's your doctor's note?" Glory asked, tilting her head slightly. She looked from the admittedly holey wall to Leo and back again a few times as though comparing the two. "Mm, I think you win... just barely," She murmured, nuzzling the side of his neck. Ma-Fatso glared judgingly up at her, jealous of the attention Leo was getting instead of himself, but Glory didn't notice.

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

Leo laughed at her words, shaking his head. Very good Pinocchio reference. (That I got without your prompting, thank you very much)

(I will I will, don't worry xD. And I am using that. Can't spell slaughter without laughter! XD)

"Terrifying in the best way." He added with a chuckle at her grin. A select few in this world would be happy about being called terrifying... he was darn glad he got one of 'em. Being called terrifying by him was a true compliment, as nothing much terrified him. She definitely could, but only in ... different methods than most would think. However, for everyone else, she could be terrifying doing anything. Even her laugh was usually terrifying as it was maniacal and slightly evil. "You can reserve that right, as it doesn't happen much. I tend to avoid stupid and avoidable things." He huffed. "I will, of course, do the same with you if the situation occurs." And, well, he avoided stupid and avoidable things that didn't get him hurt. HOWEVER, if it was stupid and avoidable and it got him hurt, he had likely already done it. He was VERY good at getting hurt when he didn't need to. Sometimes purposefully. Like the one time he cut open his finger and shoved a small light in it- a very small light- to see if the tip would glow. Granted, he had been 8 years old. It seemed well worth the pain. "Uh... tis invisible." He replied with a lopsided smile. They had said to give the wound air, so hey, he was technically following the order. Leo rolled his eyes at her words, faking mock offense. "I'm quite injured. I thought I would've won over the wall by a couple miles." He sniffed, tilting his head down to kiss her head before eyeing the cat for a moment and holding out his hand, then gently scratching under its chin. If it would be appreciated or not, he didn't know, but he was stuck with Ma-Fatso now, whether he liked it or not. He'd just have to learn to get along with the cat.

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

(I'd be disappointed if you didn't xD

Good good use it >:3)

"Mm, is there a bad way to be terrifying, though?" Glory mused. In her mind, no. Absolutely not. All terrifying was good terrifying. Unless you were terrifyingly creepy toward children. Then that wasn't terrifying, it was disgusting, it was dastardly, and it was punishable by death. And not a swift, painless one, either.

"Well that's good," She chuckled, then nodded, "Tis only fair. Though I think I may do more dumb shit than you." She'd only stood on the roof with a golfclub during a thunderstorm to see if she could successfully channel that much electricity or wind up fried trying ONCE, thanks. And the answer was yes, she could survive just fine, but she felt like she had a constant grip on some cow's hotwire for a solid week afterward and couldn't come into contact with anything living without shocking them. It DID make a roll of copper wire the most HILARIOUS thing in the world when used properly, and grabbing the opposite side of a doorknob when someone tried to use it quite the pastime. (Is it bad that I find it hilarious that Glory has canonically been struck by lightning at least once? xD)

"Oh is it now?" Glory asked. Invisible. Yeah. But hey, even if they hadn't given any direct instructions, yeah, duh, wounds needed to breathe every now and then. "Just be glad you didn't win second place, I guess," She teased. Ma-Fatso opened his mouth like he was gonna bite Leo, but instead just sort of gently fitted his jaws around Leo's finger for a moment and letting him do his scratching. The cat started his weird purring thing, which sounded more like growling than actual purring, though Glory'd figured out that it meant he liked something.

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"Yes. Being a pedo immediately makes you dastardly and terrifying and mind blowingly awful." Leo huffed immediately. "If you hurt children in any way shape or form you are terrifying in a bad way. Purposefully." He added the purposefully mostly for his sake so guilt didn't come back and shut down his brain again. "Then I will laugh at you more than you will laugh at me." He chuckled. "Just don't do stupid things that get you hurt and I'm all for stupid things." Usually they were more than funny, so as long as it wasn't him displaying his immense lack of brain cells, have at it. (No, not bad. I was guffawing the whole time xD)

"It was a word note." He huffed. "With no actual note. But the words still existed. So... there." He didn't even know why he was defending this. It was a flippin' joke, but here he was. "That would be a sad day for me." He agreed with a laugh. She, then, could NOT argue that she liked the way he looked, because if a TATTERED WALL could beat him than he was FAILING MISERABLY. Not that he really minded. He turned his gaze to the cat with a skeptical look, tilting his head slightly. "I can't really tell if he's waiting to violently disembowel me or if he slightly appreciates my offer of a truce." He commented drily. He guessed the growling was ... some method of purring that didn't really sound like purring, and the fact Ma-Fatso wasn't actually BITING him helped that theory. (I just gotta add, after every meal my puppy looks like he swallowed a basketball after every meal so I call him Ma-Fatso xD)

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Uh, yeah, okay, you're right. That is a bad terrifying," Glory said, wrinkling her nose. "So the time I kicked a ball and accidentally nailed some kid in the back of the head doesn't count?" She asked. She mayyy have laughed about that - AFTER she made sure the little whippersnapper was fine - but that was because it was FUNNY and NOT on purpose. "That's the deal," She said with a shrug. "Well, uh, that's the thing... a lot of my dumb stuff ends in injury," She admitted sheepishly. Even still, as long as she wasn't permanantly or mortally wounded, even her own getting hurt was funny. (Good xD)

"Hm, I see. I guess I'll just have to put up with you being distracting, then," Glory sighed sadly in a what a shame sort of way. "I can imagine," She chuckled. Imagine losing a beauty contest to a WALL. And not even a NICE wall with a pretty mural on it or something. Just a plain-ass wall that had taken more abuse than a wall deserved. Maybe Glory ought to stop throwing things at it. "I.. don't know. I think he's jealous of you but knows I'll get the spraybottle if he acts on it," She mused. He wasn't a stupid cat, he understood cause and effect quite well. You bite Leo, you get the bottle. (Oh I love that xD what have I started o.O)