Dumb place to get this off my chest but my partner is pissed off at me and hates me talking about exes & stalks 90% of my accounts so I can't post or talk crap. This is my final place I can go to to actually get something off my chest. I'll keep this as pg as possible and ignore all the dark stuff going on in my life since nobody needs to hear that or anything.

I've been with my current partner for over 7 months now, and my previous I had broke up with about September last year. I don't think I ever got over them. It was my first genuine "commited" relationship, and I was very attached and inlove with that person. My current partner knows that I was single for only a couple months before getting with him but absolutely despises me mentioning an ex or anything of the sort, which is understandable, but I can never be completely honest with them. I texted my ex while I was in a relationship because me and them had orginally agreed to be friends after they had broke us off. A bit goes by, my current partner finds out, sends them death threats and such (that I attempted to prevent.. repeatedly. Just got ignored and gave up), I get hated. My friendship is ruined. I'm blocked on everything. I never see or hear from my ex again. I cried, my partner knew, and didn't care. He was pissed off at me for crying over an ex, even though I just thought of the dude as a friend. Anyway, time passes by and it comes the time that its my exes birthday and I manage to find a way to tell them happy birthday and I stopped attempting to contact them ever sense. I never told my partner because I knew it would start a huge argument. I was going through old messages and stumbled upon the one with my ex and started crying. I knew that I missed them but I don't even think I'm fully over them. I still cry at our texts and I still wish I could speak to them again whenever I remember. Its been almost a year, I'm in a happy relationship, why can't I get over them? It makes me sad and I want it to stop. I can't talk to them, I can't talk to my partner about it, I can't do anything.

I feel lost in every way. Emotionally, physically, identity, everything. It sucks.

To the point, I don't know what to do. I'm happy in my current relationship but I'm trapped and its really toxic and draining, but we have our happy moments. Its a dude with bpd and he can't control it so it isnt my fault, and I know I'm a bad boyfriend and he has a bad life, but I can't even be honest. It's been weeks since we've had a full day without an argument. It's draining. I can't mention my ex and my feelings without starting another. I can't leave or he'll,.. well yknow. Not alive. I'm stuck.

This whole post is all over the place but there are so many things I just need to get off my chest that I can only pick and choose and shorten things. I'll delete this post later once my head has cleared, probably a few hours.

Your current partner. Sent somebody. A death threat.

Cut him off. That's super fucked up and immature of him, not to mention the possessiveness he feels after only being together seven months is a huge red flag. Not to mention monitoring your social media and text messages... yikes.

Your other ex sounds lovely- sometimes people aren't good together in a romantic relationship, but it's a sign of maturity that you can remain friends. I'd value that over a toxic romantic relationship.

Oh yeah, absolutely. I understand that there are a dozen big red flags but I still am unable to leave regardless. The ex thing,.. I do value that over a toxic romantic relationship by a thousand. My only issue is that it's already gone and over with & I'm still stuck with a partner who'd just off himself if I break up.

Him offing himself is not your responsibility. It sounds awful but it isn't.

Not to mention I know several girls who have been in relationships with guys that said they'd off themselves if they broke up, and all those relationships have ended and all of those guys are still alive, so take his threats with a grain of salt. It's a control tactic, and that's all it is.

See, that's what I thought too, but then again I don't think he's playing around by saying that. He's depressed and suicidal as all hell and his friends and family are never there for him. If I'm all he has left then he'd probably do it.

It isnt my responsibility if he dies, you're right. I'm still a very soft hearted person and thats a grudge I would hold against myself for life if he died.

I hate to say this but you need to get away from him as fast as possible. I've dated so many people that said the same thing, they are all still alive today. Him saying that is just a manipulation tactic.

Stag, listen to me when I say this. I've been in your shoes, had an obsessed possessive boyfriend who would make threats like that. I've felt that he was serious because of his condition. I knew he would try, and felt trap even though it was more harmful to my mental health than his.

Get. Out.

It will be hard, he will make those threats and he might even attempt, but get out. Seven months in and he's acting like this already is enough to know he will get worse before he ever gets better, if ever. If he does attempt, it's not your fault. Do not care what anyone says it is not you're fucking fault. He is a grown man who can make decisions for himself and it is not on you to keep him alive. There are resources if you need them, I can PM you, if you need help. Be there for you and save your sanity

I hear you loud and clear. I'll work on figuring out a way out of here. This environment is damaging for everyone and I can't stay with the guy forever. Thank you both for helping me out on this <3. I'll take your words and try to get out asap.

i agree with everybody else, stag.

I also had an over posessive, controlling partner that had BPD. She made threats to unalive if i left her. It took me months but i did it. Guess what, few years later and i hear she is very much alive and well. It just shows how much that is used for manipulation. Get out if you can, love <3

Thank you, Thistle. I'm trying to <3.