Horse Eden Eventing Game
Horse Eden Eventing Game


Year: 192   Season: Summer   
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Alpine Acres
02:53:38 Lily
Boulder Creek
I don't think so, I'm able to use them on my side account which is a free account
Boulder Creek
02:51:46 
Is the Magnifying Glass a Premium perk?
Arvalon Studs
02:50:07 Tosk's KNN
Theeeeen ima try and get my hands on a Gala straw
Primal Dawn
02:47:44 MOD/Trish
I kinda like that Gala match and i might have to try it at some point myself
Morning Glory Farms
02:46:58 Terici/Dino/Trish
Who you thinking of?
Opal Equestrian Park
02:43:49 ~Opal~
Hmmm... got some suggestions for future updates... 🤣
Alpine Acres
02:42:51 Lily
No problem, anytime! And that would be a cool concept lol
Opal Equestrian Park
02:42:26 ~Opal~
Yayyy!!!! This guy's finally back to a dark-ish chestnut!
Opal Equestrian Park
02:41:45 ~Opal~
Ima go reroll my boy's coat, for better hopes
Opal Equestrian Park
02:41:20 ~Opal~
Thank you! Know I know what they really are.
My un-HEE-educated brain thought it was to take their coat, and use it to, when you breed use the reroll so the offspring have the parent's original coat. Seems not!
Alpine Acres
02:40:22 Lily
So only patterns and markings are changed, not their base coat and genes
Alpine Acres
02:39:47 Lily
According to the FAQs:
If you would like a different picture for your horse, you can reroll them to have the markings and patterns regenerated randomly. The horses genes aren't affected.
Arvalon Studs
02:37:26 Tosk's KNN
Ouh okay. I need help. I can't decide which boy for yolo afterall xF
Opal Equestrian Park
02:37:08 ~Opal~
But what does it do? Is it just to change the horse's coat colour?
Primal Dawn
02:36:46 MOD/Trish
it just changes the horses coat, what were you wanting it to do?
Primal Dawn
02:36:31 MOD/Trish
go to your horse that you want to reroll and click manage horse at the bottom of its page, and then there will be a reroll button in amongst all the other management options
Opal Equestrian Park
02:36:12 ~Opal~
Or is it just something to change the horse's coat?
Opal Equestrian Park
02:35:50 ~Opal~
I need help here... I've scrolled through member help forums, and can't find anything.

How do I use rerolls?
Morning Glory Farms
02:33:10 Terici/Dino/Trish
IM only half here sorry lol also playing jurassic world

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Alpine Acres
02:53:38 Lily
Boulder Creek
I don't think so, I'm able to use them on my side account which is a free account
Boulder Creek
02:51:46 
Is the Magnifying Glass a Premium perk?
Arvalon Studs
02:50:07 Tosk's KNN
Theeeeen ima try and get my hands on a Gala straw
Primal Dawn
02:47:44 MOD/Trish
I kinda like that Gala match and i might have to try it at some point myself
Morning Glory Farms
02:46:58 Terici/Dino/Trish
Who you thinking of?
Opal Equestrian Park
02:43:49 ~Opal~
Hmmm... got some suggestions for future updates... 🤣
Alpine Acres
02:42:51 Lily
No problem, anytime! And that would be a cool concept lol
Opal Equestrian Park
02:42:26 ~Opal~
Yayyy!!!! This guy's finally back to a dark-ish chestnut!
Opal Equestrian Park
02:41:45 ~Opal~
Ima go reroll my boy's coat, for better hopes
Opal Equestrian Park
02:41:20 ~Opal~
Thank you! Know I know what they really are.
My un-HEE-educated brain thought it was to take their coat, and use it to, when you breed use the reroll so the offspring have the parent's original coat. Seems not!
Alpine Acres
02:40:22 Lily
So only patterns and markings are changed, not their base coat and genes
Alpine Acres
02:39:47 Lily
According to the FAQs:
If you would like a different picture for your horse, you can reroll them to have the markings and patterns regenerated randomly. The horses genes aren't affected.
Arvalon Studs
02:37:26 Tosk's KNN
Ouh okay. I need help. I can't decide which boy for yolo afterall xF
Opal Equestrian Park
02:37:08 ~Opal~
But what does it do? Is it just to change the horse's coat colour?
Primal Dawn
02:36:46 MOD/Trish
it just changes the horses coat, what were you wanting it to do?
Primal Dawn
02:36:31 MOD/Trish
go to your horse that you want to reroll and click manage horse at the bottom of its page, and then there will be a reroll button in amongst all the other management options
Opal Equestrian Park
02:36:12 ~Opal~
Or is it just something to change the horse's coat?
Opal Equestrian Park
02:35:50 ~Opal~
I need help here... I've scrolled through member help forums, and can't find anything.

How do I use rerolls?
Morning Glory Farms
02:33:10 Terici/Dino/Trish
IM only half here sorry lol also playing jurassic world

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.






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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
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Downfall comments May 2, 2024 09:46 PM


Ponies heaven
 
Posts: 7384
#1206071
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Hello

Feel free to comment here about what you would like to see more in the story and suggestions (advice) or criticism, I am open to it!
Downfall comments May 2, 2024 09:58 PM


FirstLightFarms

Trivia Team
 
Posts: 3834
#1206073
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Hey!
I do have a few things to suggest that stood out to me while I was reading.
The first would be to not center your text, as it comes across as a poem and I had to reread it a few times to realize there was a story happening. It looks pretty but it messes with the physical flow of the reader's eye, which makes it harder to keep track of what's happening.
It seems like there's several flashbacks here, but again, it's hard to keep track of what's 'now' and what's 'then'. If you're not going to indicate it by having the narrator tell the reader that she's thinking of a memory (which can be pretty clunky), then possibly consider italicizing the flashbacks. It's a very common device to notate that a particular bit of text is a flashback.
I'm also not really sure what's happening. Who is your narrator, and what is their relationship with Freya? Why are they on a dune, where did the assassin come from, where did the horse come from? It was all super confusing.
You do seem to have a lot of really good ideas though, and I am super intrigued by the world you're building. Especially the end, and the mysterious figures.
The chapter is certainly a good start- you're introducing your characters and their situation, and ending it on a very mysterious, page-turning note. It just needs to be more clear so the reader understands what's happening.
Best of luck, and good job :)
Downfall comments May 2, 2024 10:11 PM


Ponies heaven
 
Posts: 7384
#1206076
Give Award

FirstLightFarms said:
Hey!
I do have a few things to suggest that stood out to me while I was reading.
The first would be to not center your text, as it comes across as a poem and I had to reread it a few times to realize there was a story happening. It looks pretty but it messes with the physical flow of the reader's eye, which makes it harder to keep track of what's happening.
It seems like there's several flashbacks here, but again, it's hard to keep track of what's 'now' and what's 'then'. If you're not going to indicate it by having the narrator tell the reader that she's thinking of a memory (which can be pretty clunky), then possibly consider italicizing the flashbacks. It's a very common device to notate that a particular bit of text is a flashback.
I'm also not really sure what's happening. Who is your narrator, and what is their relationship with Freya? Why are they on a dune, where did the assassin come from, where did the horse come from? It was all super confusing.
You do seem to have a lot of really good ideas though, and I am super intrigued by the world you're building. Especially the end, and the mysterious figures.
The chapter is certainly a good start- you're introducing your characters and their situation, and ending it on a very mysterious, page-turning note. It just needs to be more clear so the reader understands what's happening.
Best of luck, and good job :)


Thank you for your advice, I will most certainly look into these things! I am planning on smoothing out the horse situation as the last scene will play on, as for the narrator, I am trying to move a 3d person story into a 1st person story and might need some help with that.

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
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