Lieutenant Calvert

ᓚᘏᗢ

(Holy fuck west tone it down a little, my eyes T-T xD) "When did I imply stopping?" Norrie asked, grinning almost evilly. Naw, take over the goddamn world. Don't stop at Canada, the US, and Mexico. Keep going south and take over South America, then start your work overseas. Leave no square foot of land free from your reign! "Ehh, little bit of both. Means you're both creative and immature," She said with a snicker. It may not be a GOOD combination, but it was an entertaining one at least.

"No no no, it's the peak," Norrie stated firmly. It was TIED with dark jokes, but that didn't mean it was in second place, it just shared first. It was followed closely by dad jokes, and when does a regular joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back. Jad jokes, yo mama jokes, and dark jokes were the holy trinity of humor. Without them, everything would SUUUUCK. [Like your mom] (I don't know whether or not to be glad for your sharing xD)

"I'd hope so," She snorted. Ain't no way scientists would give him an early 2000's era cell phone for a brain-computer. They had too big of a budget for that. "Oh come on, do I LOOK tired?" She said. The answer was no, not one bit. She didn't even FEEL tired, just chilly. And she'd just say it was because she was cool as fuck. "I hope you understand that if you do that, it'd be in your best interest to, I dunno, CATCH me?" She said with an eye-roll. If she fell, she didn't exactly trust him to actually catch her, though. Given she had one arm around the tree trunk to keep from dying, Norrie wasn't able to do a whole lot in the way of dodging, so defense was the best option. In the end she ended up pretty much covered in snow, both looking and feeling like Jack Frost and glaring down at Axl. "No thank you. I value living too much," She said, then made the mistake of looking out at the ground and the landcape spread out before them. Not because she was afraid of heights, but because it made her almost want to jump, a little voice saying let go. Just do it. You'll be alright. Like fall damage was turned off or some shit. Bad idea. Maybe she actually didn't value living as much as she thought she did. In any case, it was better than liquid courage. More intoxicating. Just let go. No no no. BAD IDEA.

(I'm not trying tooooo xD)

(I could've sworn one of Eve's rules was to keep it PG-13, rat blowjobs do not fall under that category xD)

Lieutenant Calvert

ᓚᘏᗢ

"Your bad," Norrie agreed, "Collateral damage is an occupational hazard." At others' expense, no less. That was the best- when something was dangerous but not to you. Like being a rodeo announcer during the bull-riding event. Dangerous, but you sat pretty in your box and cracked jokes while some young guy wound up on a stretcher. "Good for you," She snorted. It wasn't good for him, but it wasn't bad either. Just depended on one's audience.

"Nehh, dirty jokes are best appreciated by horny single guys, deep down everyone loves a dark joke, and kids can be safely exposed to dad jokes," She argued, choosing not to add like you to the end of 'horny single guys' even though she totally could've.

"Frozen my ass, I'm just cool," Norrie huffed. Of course she did, what did you expect, a surrender? Yeah, sure, okay, I'm cold, let's head back, you win. NEVER. "Accourse it would," She said, rolling her eyes. He'd be MUCH worse off without her, so she was kind of vital to his quality of life. Besides, who else had taken him for milkshakes and a snowball-turned-frozen-monkey fight? And who else WOULD? Jackson certainly wouldn't, that was for sure. "Likely, huh? And if you didn't, hmm, let's see, you'd skip your happy ass outta town, live in Canada was it? and then have all the snow you could ever fool around in... but nobody to fool around with," She said, starting off almost accusatorily but grinning a little by the end. Who was he gonna do ANYTHING with? A fuckin moose? His landlord, thee Canadian Goose, perhaps? Fat chance. Norrie was still looking out at the Nevada landscape when he pulled her off balance, and while she didn't flail [that was undignified] she more or less clawed at the branch she'd been on like a cat held over a full bath tub, but to no avail. Then, before she could protest, she was pinned quite unhappily. "I wanna see you try," She scoffed. "NEVER!" He didn't win. He fuckin cheated. Bottom line. Then again.... no rules had been specified... sooo he hadn't broken any.. so he didn't cheat. God-fucking-dammit. Even still, she wasn't about to give up.

(.... my bad xD)

-

"Tis it is." Axl nodded. He didn't really care though. Why care when anything done to him couldn't be possibly worse than what had already happened and death was a release? He had absolutely no limits.

.

He narrowed his eyes and calculated her tone and words for a moment. "For one, I am NOT a horny single guy. I could tell you were implying that. I am JUST a single guy, POSSIBLY a deadly single guy." He stated with a hudf. "For two, not to burst any bubbles but if you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly rated PG-13. I won't be around kids in the first place, and if they hear something they shouldn't... whoops. I ain't gonna try and prevent it." He snorted. But yes, everyone did love a dark joke. That was just science.

.

"Riiiiiiiight. Just COOL. Uh huh." He gave her a skeptical look- he didn't believe THAT for one second. He didn't expect her to surrender, either, but it was worth a try. "Yes, likely. Very likely. Although my happy ass would love to live in Canada, I need to go back to get my wings first." He smirked slightly. "There's also the side fact that life would be more boring without you, sureee." Definitely just a perk of not letting her die. It's not like he actually cared. Hopefully. That'd be bad.

"I will be trying in approximately 4.3 seconds." He huffed. "You are more stubborn than a fucking mule, has anybody ever told you that? Surrender." Axl said, not budging an inch. "I will wait ALL NIGHT." Idle threat. He was already getting fucking cold. Every gust of wind had him tensing to withstand a shiver. "You will be a FROZEN CORPSE on the GROUND before I let you up without you surrendering." He added with a hopefully serious look that probably didn't look as threatening as he wanted it to. His threats were always terrifying because he MEANT them but since he didn't MEAN this he felt like he was telling a sea slug to go eat its legs. SEA SLUGS CANNOT TALK HUMAN AND THEY DO NOT HAVE LEGS.

(yes your bad xD I totally didn't almost choke cackling at that line, that's attempted murder! x3)

Lieutenant Calvert

ᓚᘏᗢ

"Says you whose first thought is to bang a RADIO," Norrie huffed. Yeah, no, that one line told her that he qualified to be called a horny single guy. "Hey, I taught a whole class of 5 year olds to yell SHIT and snuck them all sharpies. There's a difference between being not family-friendly and just being downright dirty," She countered. Those kids went home excited to tell their parents about the new word they learned and then proceeded to scribble all over the walls in permanant ink while yelling SHIT at the top of their lungs. Hilarious. Their parents certainly didn't agree, but Norrie didn't give a shit.

"I'm so cool I make ice cubes jealous," She scoffed. She was totally fuckin cool. That's why she got to walk around with a swiss-cheese-inator. "Uh-huh. And I'm pretty sure you're somewhat capable of driving, so that won't be a problem," Norrie stated flatly. "Of course it is. I'm great," She retorted. Maybe not GREAT, or delightful, but entertaining, at least. Some might argue that she was actually horrible, a pain in the ass, and a snarky bitch, and they'd get a boot to the ass."Oh really? FOUUUR... THREEE... TWOOOO... OOOONE," She counted down dramatically while grinning, mostly sure he wouldn't do it. Mostly. He might- there was still a chance. Especially since she was just egging him on. "Oh all the time," Norrie said with a big shit-eating grin. "Aww, kitty's so cute when he's mad," She teased, daring him to make good on his threats. He totally wouldn't. Well, after that one, Norrie wasn't nearly as confident in that belief. He MIGHT not. She was just being a big asshat to see if he would.

(Whoopsie daisie, not trying to murder my favorite RP friend! XD)

-

"That was NOT my first thought! The FIRST thought I had was to say I didn't need music and the SECOND just sounded FUNNIER." Axl protested. That wasn't fair. She couldn't take one instance and slap that title on him. "Okay, well, we'll go back to what I first said. I'm NEVER going to be around kids. That would be dangerous and traumatizing for the kids, and I don't really want to haunt their nightmares. If I was around them, I'd very quickly remove myself from the situation and keep my mouth shut." He snorted. Contrary to popular belief, he didn't want to corrupt everyone AROUND him too, especially not young palpable minds that may actually catch on. Plus, well, although there were times when he liked kids, most of the time he disliked being within 100 yard radius of them.

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He snorted in amusement at her words, shaking his head. "Alright then, 'I'm so cool I make ice cubes jealous." He said drily, then lifted his eyebrows. "THAT is not the problem. Getting back into the base and out of the base without killing anyone would be the problem." He pointed out sensibly. "Great is DEFINITELY the word I think when I look at you." He wrinkled his nose, sarcasm evident in his tone. He narrowed his eyes at her as she started counting down. "You will get cold someday." He grumbled. That was TRUE. NO IDLE THREAT THERE. Just a sucky one. At her next EXTREMELY insulting words, he grabbed a handful of snow and dropped it on her face. "Good LORD I hope your big ass mouth freezes off so you can stop spewing your smart ass comments EVERYWHERE and maybe I will be hailed in the books! Everyone cheer for Axl, the person-ish hybrid that FINALLY SHUT HER UP." He huffed, standing up and backing away from her. Maybe he could just freeze her to death and thaw her out later, but he was winning this.

(Aww I'm your favorite🥺 xD)

Lieutenant Calvert

ᓚᘏᗢ

"Fair enough," Norrie said reluctantly. "It WAS funny." Goddammit. But still. His comment about, and I quote, having intercourse with a hormonal teenage boy did kind of warrent Norrie's totally accurate titling. "Huh. I guess you're not TOTALLY terrible. The big bad wolf actually has morals," She snickered. Disregarding the teasing, at least he wasn't trying to give children nightmares. Norrie... well she honestly might if they were the annoying bratty sort of children. She wasn't sure if teaching them to swear and giving them the power of the permanant marker was any better than giving them nightmares. Guess it depends on the child and its parents. Spoiled kid? You get nightmares. Good kid? You get a sharpie.

"I am, so shuddap," She huffed indignantly. Norrie was totally cool. Fucking ICONIC, one might say. And one might be RIGHT, and therefore NOT get a boot to the ass for once. "Eh, wall's pretty much gone and Big Jim and The Beak wouldn't argue if you went waltzing in," She said, then paused. "Well, they might if you drive back without me." Just another instance in which Norrie was pretty necessary. Ha. Suck it. "Of course it is," She said as if it were obvious, completely ignoring the sarcasm in his voice. "Someday," She snorted, "Someday isn't a problem." When was someday ever a problem? It wasn't. It was something for your future self to deal with, so you don't gotta worry about someday. Norrie was half expecting him to do SOMETHING, so she turned her head to the side a little just so she didn't choke on the snow. "Ain't gonna happ'n cap'n. I'LL NEVER SHUT UP," She said triumphantly. She only looked even more so when he released her and retreated a little. "HA! Let's not forget that you said "I will start packing snow in your face if you don't give up." I'd hardly call that packing snow in my face, AND I didn't give up," Norrie said with a big shit-eating grin. She'd totally won, and there was not arguing that. She hadn't given up, AXL had.

(Yesssss you are xD. Plus Gleo is literally my favorite character pair up EVER)

(Sorry it was so damn short, the puppy just woke up)

-

"Exactly. Most of the things I say aren't serious." Axl concluded. If he were, he would be in an asylum by now. He technically should be, but... eh. "I DO have morals that mostly just revolve around not scarring, mentally or physically, children, and not murdering innocent people for no reason. Other than that, I'm game for almost anything." He snorted. You wanted to kill the emperor of Japan, fuck yeah, he was likely a piece of shitty off-brand soggy cereal.

.

"I did shuddap." He answered innocently. "... but I must say, if a polar bear was basking in your coolness, it'd die of heatstroke." He added with a shit eating crooked wicked grin. "Right. No one else would see, I'd come back without you, they TOTALLY wouldn't think that weird, I'd grab my wings and drive away with the Humvee, STILL not weird, right? Likely." He said sarcastically. There was no way he was getting in and out alive without her. "Well it WILL be a problem SOMEDAY." Axl huffed, rolling his eyes at her triumphant words. "You do realize I'm not done, right?" He smirked slightly, stepping forward, reaching over, and jerking on a small tree with his cyborg arm. It dumped the entirety of its contents right onto her head, every branch cleared. "Keep trying, darling." He commented with a small, taunting chuckle.

(hehe you and them are my favorites too xD Closely followed by these dweebuses xD Nahh shorter's easier! Er, at least the puppers probably thinks so lol)

Lieutenant Calvert

ᓚᘏᗢ

"Thank god for that," Norrie said with an over-exaggerated gag. "That's better than can be said for a lot of people," She said reasonably. A lotta people weren't half as decent as that. Like the soldiers who'd raped roughly two million women without discrimination- young girls, expecting mothers, and elderly women were all free game to them. It led to a LOOOT of suicides and permanent pscycological damage. Axl was at least better than them.

"No you didn't," Norrie huffed, "You're still yapping. AND spreading disinformation, might I add." He wasn't even remotely CLOSE to right. He was so wrong he was LEFT and UPSIDE DOWN. "Suuure. THAT'S why you're obligated to not let me die," Norrie stated. He'd be put in a fuckin cage and probably euthanized as had been previously intended if he drove back without her. "I'll be DEAD SOMEDAY," She said, and stuck her tongue out at him like a kid for added effect. She was right, though. Not like she WOULDN'T die. Especially if they did try to take over the world. "You aren't?" She asked dreadingly before begrudgingly accepting her fate. She moved a little closer to Axl before shaking herself like a dog again, trying to get the cold stuff outta the folds of her clothes and hair. "Just hush it," She grumbled. She was NOT about to give up, buuut the humvee's heater seemed quite appealing right about now. And possibly a cup of hot chocolate. Maybe she could pop the rest of her chocolate milkshake in the microwave.

(Much obliged, and I agree xD

Good, cause the puppy has decided lol)

-

Axl barked a laugh at her words and her dramatic gag. "Believe me, I'd be mortified with myself if I wasn't joking 97 percent of the time." He reassured with a snort. Just imagine how many felonies he would've committed. And he WOULD be a pedo. EUAGH. "...hm. Fine. True. Ish. Still, those things are just wrong." On the other hand, a lot of people could rip out someone's tongue with their teeth in what could've been a passionate kiss and ended in a catastrophic failure. He wouldn't ever dare to do anything to children or innocent people without cause. That was just... wrong. He had no right to do to them what had been done to him- he knew how trapped and helpless it could make you feel- and he'd never do that to anyone else.

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"Eh, at least my disinformation is funny." He snickered. She was so cool she could make Antarctica go through a heat spell. "... that and a couuuuple other things." He wrinkled his nose. "Pertaining mostly to keeping myself alive." If he WAS going to die, it would not be at the hands of a fucking NEEDLE. It would be in a BOMB or of a MILLION GUNSHOT WOUNDS or something FUCKING WORTH DYING IN. "Yeah yeah, laugh it up." He snorted, shaking his head. She would SUFFER OF COLD before she died though. So HA. He stepped back with a huff as she sprayed him with snow, brushing off the slight bits that got on him. "I never hush." He replied sweetly, then stepped back a little more, dug his boot into the ground, and sprayed her with a nice shower of snow. "Feeling cooler?" He teased.