"What do you think this is, a semi truck? Put your hands down"

I remember one time, as a 8-9 year old, being on an uncooperative old gelding in a group lesson. Kept trying to ride him forward and ultimately pick up a canter. He wouldn't go. As luck would have it, he spooked at something the next time my trainer asked for a canter and took right off. She was like GREAT JOB!! In my head I was just like thank fuck I stayed on the horse

I'll just put an oldie but a goodie... every trainers favorite phrase.

One more time!

Oh, my god. I cannot stop laughing.

"Jack [a horse] going through his midlife crisis right now."

"Biscuit's doesn't care that he's short, fat, and gelded. He's pretty sure he's the hottest stud around."

"One of these days I'm really going to ducktape those hands to the reigns."

"You're lucky my phone's dead, or else you'd be going viral on youtube right now."

(my instructor, grabbing the mounting block for me after a particularly sloppy dismount that resulted in my bra getting hooked on the saddle horn and me dangling off the side of the horse by it.)

"Beleive it or not, if you hit yourself with the crop, the horse doesn't feel it."

"I have never seen a horses head fall off, I don't think you need to watch so closely"

*cussing in german*

"Ahh, what was that?"

"Hands down, down, farther... or not"

"Hey, you didn't fall."

*Looks at mom* "Did you forget the brains at home?"

*Laughs uncontrollably as I have launched myself clear off side while trying to mount*

"Oop, rodeo time, my favorite"

And of course had to include my favorite moment:

Trainer walking small circles around jump standard during my jump lesson. Gets upset, jumps up not realising how close she was inbetween to standards (oxer setup), falls forward and wacks face on first, backs up in pain and falls over other standard. She was alright but we were both laughing so hard we cried.

*With French accent*

"Anticipate!"

Oh my gosh yes! I have heard that way too many times!

One time we were working on my position and my coach was yelling at me to open up my chest and not hunch over so much. I was trying but obviously not enough because the next thing i hear is him yelling "TITS UP!!!" at me. I died laughing and almost fell off!

Just yesterday I had a kid who kept shortening her left rein everytime I said "shorten your right rein", so finally I was like WHICH IS YOUR RIGHT REIN and she showed me and she was correct so I was like then SHORTEN IT.

Immediately she shortens her left rein. Again. 😂