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Anyone gonna buy these cheap EE combo foals before I release them?
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193 WWW TBLB
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193 WWW TB
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My fellow color breeders, I am looking for new blood :) ISO:
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Iso: sven gnome
Southmoon
02:54:25 Nori
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WEE stud with NO breeding requirements on him for just 500!
God is Mighty Stable
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Gorgeous KNN stallion available
EWW Snowflake
110k
iolite stables
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horses up for sale/brood/stud!
Port Royal Equines
12:36:45 ISH Bravery 4 Sale!
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EEE+ broods for 4k! Only a few left. Some are W producers.

-HEE Click-
Bravery and Geldings at auction!

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Draft horse set at auction. Ending soon with only 1 bid!
pandemoniu_m
12:31:27 pheezy
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Cozmic Elite
11:51:09 Z
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Stable set contest
900k prize.
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WWW Stalion 1m
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Stained glass horses
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Intelligence

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Amethyst Ranch
07:12:32 Echo <3
Horses for sale including a WWW, W combos and EEE's <3
-HEE Click-
Wild_Potatoes
04:20:51 Potato
-HEE Click-
Anyone gonna buy these cheap EE combo foals before I release them?
Whispering Wood Barn
03:01:00 ~Whispy~
193 WWW TBLB
-HEE Click-

193 WWW TB
-HEE Click-

My fellow color breeders, I am looking for new blood :) ISO:
-HEE Click-

Iso: sven gnome
Southmoon
02:54:25 Nori
-HEE Click-
WEE stud with NO breeding requirements on him for just 500!
God is Mighty Stable
02:23:32 Willow ~ KNN Breeder
-HEE Click-
Gorgeous KNN stallion available
EWW Snowflake
110k
iolite stables
01:29:06 yumii
-HEE Click-
horses up for sale/brood/stud!
Port Royal Equines
12:36:45 ISH Bravery 4 Sale!
-HEE Click-
EEE+ broods for 4k! Only a few left. Some are W producers.

-HEE Click-
Bravery and Geldings at auction!

-HEE Click-
Draft horse set at auction. Ending soon with only 1 bid!
pandemoniu_m
12:31:27 pheezy
-HEE Click-
Cozmic Elite
11:51:09 Z
-HEE Click-
Stable set contest
900k prize.
-HEE Click-
WWW Stalion 1m
-HEE Click-
Stained glass horses
Movement
Speed
Intelligence

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.






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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
   1 

Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 5, 2019 11:44 AM

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Prologue

An eerie howling of a wolf broke the silence in the dark forest. Footsteps. A swift, smooth stride he measured. A silver haired Elf came into view. She didn’t notice him, not yet. He hissed and his snake tongue slid out. He leapt from his outpost in the tree and drew his sword. The female elf drew her sword too, and they circled each other on the path.

“Why don’t you strike?” A mocking voice joined them. The elf looked up, and saw a Elf-eared person. But she wasn’t an elf. She had black hair and glowing purple eyes, making her a Devilress. The elf muttered something under her breath and a blue ray shot out of her palm. It exploded and both others fell to the ground. The Devilress muttered some ineligible and they both recovered.
The snake-tongued person hissed in anger.

“I won’t strike because I need her.” He said.

The elf cursed under her breath and placed her hand on her sword.

“So, Shade, elf, here we meet again.” The Devilress sneered.

The three attacked each other ferociously, each gaining and losing ground. The elf dropped her sword and the shade advanced, but she drew an arrow aimed at his heart. The Devilress drew two boomerang made of metal with inscriptions on it. She threw them and hit the elf’s bow, causing her aim to falter. The shade dissolved into smoke and disappeared into thin air.

The elf turned on the Devilress. “I could’ve killed him! And you jolted me. What do you want?”

“I want the scroll.” She said it with ease, savouring every word.

The elf’s eyes widened with fear. The Devilress murmured some more words, but quickly the elf shouted, “Elnìa Vovelrí!” And a flash of light blinded them and the scroll disappeared just before the elf collapsed on the ground.



Edited at October 6, 2019 05:11 AM by The wilderness
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 10:16 AM

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It’s a good start. I like your tone, but you need to slow your pacing down. Take more time to describe what’s happening and to set the scene. For example I might change the first few moments to be:


An eerie howling of a wolf broke the silence in the dark forest. Footsteps. Silent and swift, a dark shape moved in the shadows of the trees. Watching, stalking. His pace was smooth, his stride measured. A silver haired Elf came into view. She didn’t notice him, not yet. He hissed and a long tongue slid from his jaws, flickering like a serpent. He leapt from his hiding place within the trees and drew a glistening silver shortsword. It gave him away.
The sheen of his blade caught the elf’s gaze. She drew her sword too and their blades clashed as she caught it before it could slash at her exposed neck. The strange creature leapt back and the two began to circle each other on the narrow dark path.

Edited at October 6, 2019 10:17 AM by Alvarron
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 10:18 AM

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Yeah I was rushed. :(
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 10:18 AM

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IÂ’m on my phone so I canÂ’t do apostrophes. I would add even more detail then what I did, like describe the shade a bit more. The only distinguishing feature about him is his serpentine tongue.

I have a degree in English, so if you want or need any help just let me know! IÂ’d be glad to help.
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 11:18 AM

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I specialise in English. I did it for GCSE and degrees.
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 01:38 PM

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Then never mind. Haha.
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 01:41 PM

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Ok thanks

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