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Just thought I would share some of the funny stuff I've either, been told by trainers or overheard them say. You can probably guess the context of most of them:
"If you look down then that's where you'll end up"
"If it's such an issue then I'll get you a parachute"
"Unless there's a monster under that fence, I see no reason to circle"
"Horse riding is like learning to drive a car, but you never learn to drive it."
"Long stride? Add leg. Deep stride? Add leg. Fast approaching death? You better hope you add leg, buddy"
*screaming*
"Are you trying to ride a motorcycle or a horse?"
"Can you count?"
"That was NOT the kind of flying change I was expecting"
"Please tell me why you're hunched over like Quasimodo"
"Finally! I can now die a happy man"
"Squeeze your elbows to your sides! Squeeze the life out of yourself if you have to. I want to actually see your soul leave your body"
"If I see you circle one more time, I will push you off the horse myself"
"I'm not sure if that was a chicken impression or a jumping position"
The brutally honest trainers always have the best oneliners. Not everyone likes honesty, but I appreciate it, even more so when it makes me laugh. And of course, all of these were meant to be funny by the trainers who said them.
Feel free to add whatever funny things you've heard trainers say! I'd love to read them. |
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You can take your head and eyes up - I don´t think your horse is going to change it´s color during the ride ;)
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I asked my friend about notable things her trainer had said as he's notorious for being sassy and blunt. And he yells. A lot.
Here's what she told me:
"Is this a battlefield? WHY ARE YOU CHARGING?"
"Don't argue with that horse, it's not your husband"
"I really wish I'd finished my accounting degree"
"Have you ever considered that he bucks you off because you make him wear matching hot pink EVERYTHING?"
"No glitter and no diamonds. You want to show your horse off, not make him into a four legged disco ball"
"I don't know what YouTube video taught you that but it definitely wasn't me"
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LOL I've heard a lot of these from various trainers in my area. I've even said a few of them myself to a cousin of mine who was trying to learn how to ride one of the ranch horses.
My trainer once told me when I was learning to jump.
"You are not a chicken! Keep your elbows in. I don't want you flapping and taking off."
"You look down one more time at the jump you're going to be falling off or hitting the poles."
"I didn't teach you to ride like that!" |
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Lol a particular thing I remember my trainer say was this, after I nosedived off a horse after a jump.
'Don't eat my sand. Its expensive.'
He also was screaming at his wife when she didn't come up to a jump correctly.
*jumping up and down*
'IT'S 40 CENTIMETRES HOW CAN YOU MESS THAT UP' |
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Horse trainers: "Pull Up! PULL HIM UP NOW!!!" "Why are you getting off? We have work to do!" "LEAN INTO YOUR TURNS YOU AREN'T LEANING!" "Don't let him do that! Keep him focused!" Dog trainers/my bosses: "Okay we can work with this." "That's not a leadrope hold onto the end!" "Don't let him slip that collar!" "Use your happy voice! Following her isn't going to get her to come to you! She's a hunting dog not a horse!" "That's not a horse, She isn't freezing because She's going to spook She's freezing because she hears a bird!" "Don't let him eat that." So many more for both. |
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( I do reining)
Since WHEN do circles have square corners?!
Mediterranean said:
I asked my friend about notable things her trainer had said as he's notorious for being sassy and blunt. And he yells. A lot.
Here's what she told me:
"Is this a battlefield? WHY ARE YOU CHARGING?"
"Don't argue with that horse, it's not your husband"
"I really wish I'd finished my accounting degree"
"Have you ever considered that he bucks you off because you make him wear matching hot pink EVERYTHING?"
"No glitter and no diamonds. You want to show your horse off, not make him into a four legged disco ball"
"I don't know what YouTube video taught you that but it definitely wasn't me"
*diesSSssssSSSSS* *to a kid who was being drug around on a lead rope by his pony* Just WHO is leading WHO around here?!?!?
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(said to a particularly busty rider, name changed) "Sarah! Headlights. Down! Most of us have to struggle with this, but you're one of the lucky few who gets to let 'em speak for themselves!"
*trainer mounts her grand prix dressage horse* "Hey, here's an impression of how you used to ride a year ago!" *sticks arms half way up horse's neck, pulls heels up, sticks legs forward, and holds her breath* "I seriously thought your elbows were going to break. I mean, seriously. Do you see this? Even the poor horse thinks I'm nuts!"
"Yoohoo! Steering! Where are you going?!"
"Well, that would have been lovely except for your horse's overactive imagination."
(my jump trainer) "Oh my god, how are you bad at math?! You're literally doing theoretical physics over the fences."
(clinician) "Okay, do that transition again, because it $#%^ed @**. Yeah? You caught that?"
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I go to a special needs riding school so I get none of this
:) |
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I think this may be funnier then the meme thread lol. |
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Showers Off and On
