A year ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years. He was my first serious relationship, and so was I for him, we got together in 2016. We lived together in his country, which is neighbouring my own. In 2018 we also adopted two kittens, Astrid the orange tabby and Freya the calico.
I formed an especially close relationship with the cats, especially Astrid. She nearly died from an unknown condition in 2019, which the vet diagnosed as dry FIP, but all she had was an unresponsive fever and corona virus antibodies in her blood. I suspect it was the same condition that came up two years after, which another vet diagnosed as autoimmune anemia, where her own immune system attacked her red blood cells.
Needless to say, even though we're in the EU we spent a small fortune on her veterinary care. Both in money, stress and care time. I put my absolute heart into helping her get better. During her sickness I also was dealing with some minor health issues that nobody could solve (still unsolved btw) and I found some reliefe in practicing Reiki. Obviously I tried it with Astrid too and she seemed to be enjoying the calm environment.
Anyway... all these are details...
Due to my financial and living situation right after we broke up, I simply couldn't take the cats with me. I also didn't want to put Astrid through the stress of moving because she was still recovering from the last flareup of her anemia. A friend of mine is still part of a friend group with my ex, and she told me she would say if there was an issue with the cats, but that for now my ex is in complete love with them and is taking good care of them - of this part I'm sure of.
However... they are on my mind often. Very often. I sometimes dream of going back there and hugging them and when I wake up I wish I was still asleep. I miss them so much still, and I feel like I'll never be able to let go. I'm crying as I type this...
How do I even begin to handle this? Will I ever accept that they're gone from my life?
Warming, with Sleet and Heavy Icing
