TW: I briefly talk about death

Before my grandfather passed away in January of this year, we discussed how he wanted a painting for a new restaurant him and my Nanna were building. They were expanding their businesses and in June of 2023, he explained what he wanted. He wanted a tiger painting. He wanted it to be in black and white, we picked out a collection of reference photos together to get an idea of what pose/expression he wanted (which have since been lost). I still have a mental image of what he wanted. Something regal with backlighting. Because I was completing my degree, however, I didn't have time to do the painting until recently. I regret not being able to give it to him, however this will be the Christmas Present for my Nanna. She initially said she wanted color in the tiger back in 2023 when my grandfather and I talked it through.

I've been working on the painting. But I've come to a stand still. I have done the wash of color on the background of the canvas which is 20 by 24. I've done the sketch as well. But not in just stuck. I'm terrified of putting color on the canvas. I'm painting in acrylics but I initially wanted to do oils. I just don't have time to finish it. I'm going to my Nanna's house on the 18th. 10 days from now. It just wouldn't dry in time if it was oil paints. So acrylic it is. I'm just scared I think. I want it to be perfect.

i haven't painted in over 5 years. The last time I painted with acrylics was when I practically quit art all together. When I was an art major. This was before my biology degree, when I was still technically finishing high school but taking college courses. My teacher in my studio art class picked up a paint brush, not understanding my concept that she approved prior to me beginning the painting, and took a bright blue and smeared it across the canvas. There was no fixing it. I was nearly finished with the painting and scrambled to meet the deadline. But it was too late, the grass was blue and looked like a wave. I tried covering it up but it only made it worse. And I couldn't say a thing. I ended up dropping my major and left the class after that. She graded me so poorly on it because the "blue didn't make sense."

So now that it's been so long, I just can't help but worry that I will mess it up somewhere, somehow. I've just been staring at a sketch on a color-washed canvas for the past day. Unsure of what to do.