09:11:46 Gem
For sure. Michigan is crazy XD
09:05:51 Gala
Gem, I forgot to mention the week of 95+ degree weather with 100% humidity in the summer. That's my favorite week.
New Eagle Equine
09:04:49 Eagle 🎨
Now we're under a flash flood warning. Tonight is wild.
The Fallen Rulers
09:04:42 ~ Straw Hoarder
-HEE Click-

i got lucky
09:04:24 Gem
Oh my gosh. That is so accurate Gala XD
09:01:49 Gala
Actually you could just pull a check list out for "Pure Michigan" living. 7 months of snow storms, 5 of which you don't see the sun,
one big ice storm, storm system that causes flooding, storm system that knocks out power to half the state. A tornado watch or two, a tornado, A fire ban in august, and then like a week of fall. Bonus points when there's an earthquake we actually feel. lmao.
Cadence Farms
09:00:41 evebot
Come to Trivia!

09:00:00 puck
Oof sirens sound creepy.
River Bend Stables
08:59:42 River
It's Freaky How Crazy The Weather is here in Minnesota
Mother Nature can be a B***
Riptide Roans
08:57:56 *Pokes Eyeballs*
Any ideas for art?
08:56:26 Gala
Eury that would make sense. In Michigan we a see a little of everything outside of hurricanes, when it's not 7 months a year we hide from snow lol.
Cadence Farms
08:55:58 evebot
They are doing sirens here right now.
New Eagle Equine
08:55:20 Eagle 🎨
They never test the sirens here. Which I find odd since were in Texas.
Libbygray Mares
we dont have those kinds of sirens here in australia
Cadence Farms
08:55:07 evebot
All kinds of prizes!!
The Joker
08:55:06 Knight of Ootensils
Hang in there!
Cadence Farms
08:54:56 evebot
Time for Trivia!

New Eagle Equine
08:54:37 Eagle 🎨
Haha Joker! Exactly how I feel!
08:54:05 Legion
OKC tested their's at noon, every Saturday unless it was cloudy
New Eagle Equine
08:53:59 Eagle 🎨
I'm not a huge fan on lemon. But I do like lemonade.
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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Snark Factory

Trust and finance October 9, 2019 12:00 PM

Posts: 1501
First time ranting here, but I really don't want to bother any of my friends with my relationship problems anymore.

So I'm living together with my boyfriend of 3,5 years. We're not from the same country, and I moved to his country 1,5 year ago. I still don't speak the language but I can understand it pretty well. I also have just a highschool degree, I attended two other schools afterwards but finished none of them.

In the beginning of this year we had a serious crisis which almost broke us up. Due to lack of communication and appreciation I started developing feelings for someone else. When I noticed it, I sat down with him to talk about things and solve the problem, which we eventually did, though we almost broke up in the process. This happened in January.

Since then I'm completely over that, and our relationship improved a lot. We communicate way better and we understand each other more. Or at least that is what I thought until two days ago.

He's working in IT, I work in agent support. Needless to say, he earns 2,5 times more than me. We manage out money in such ways that we combine our salaries and then distribute personal spending money, rent, common expenses, and we also have a saving account where we put quite a sum, about 30% of the salaries combined.

Now we keep that saving account to buy a house or have a living later when we move to a different country and don't find jobs instantly. But two days ago he just out of the blue told me that if I leave him, the money in the saving account is all his. Because he earns so much more than me and everyone would tell him how stupid he is if he were to give me money from there. Then he proceeded to explain why I don't contribute to the saving account because he could put it all from his salary only.

His reasoning continued into still not being over the January incident and not being sure to what extent he can give himself to me.

This scarred me and now I'm scared that him saying this will make me distance myself from him too much. I gave up my family, all my friends and even hearing and speaking my own language just to be with him. And I was very vocal about how uncomfortable and limited I feel here. Yet he still had a thought that I might just be with him for the money in the savings.

Honestly, am I making too big of a fuss about it?
Or is it normal to feel like I was shot in the leg?
I had no idea that he still feels unsure.
Trust and finance October 13, 2019 09:26 PM

*Stable of Jewels*
Posts: 384
I’m not the greatest advice giver..but I would get out while you can..someone who isn’t ready to forgive and forget isn’t gonna forgive and forget later either.. he’s gonna keep torturing you with this when he’s not happy and wants to make you feel bad.. and as for the money thing ..honestly if you can prove you put money in there as well as him putting money in there you could take him to court and get your share of it.. he has no right to keep everything even if just a little bit is yours.. nd guy that really cares about you wouldn’t put you in that situation or even bring up y’all being possiby broke up later.. anyways my opinion..I’m sorry for what you’re going through..I’ve had my fair share of a long toxic relationship and it wasn’t fun I learned so much from it..
Trust and finance October 20, 2019 06:30 PM

White Hills
Trivia Team
Posts: 962
Honestly I understand where he's coming from, telling him that you had feelings for someone else probably freaked him out and made him distrust the relationship a bit and that hasn't healed yet. Money wise he isn't wrong. If you were to leave him he doesn't owe you any of that money since it was supposed to be for your joint future, if that doesn't exist anymore he is the one that earned it.

My boyfriend bought a house 8 months ago and I live here without paying rent and he pays most of the bills since he earns more money. If I were to leave him I wouldn't expect to sell the house and give me part of it.
Trust and finance October 22, 2019 11:44 AM

Posts: 1501
Thank you both for your opinions. The situation since calmed down, I explained to him that I'm not sitting with him for his money, and he finally understood that I basically gave up my whole life to come and live with him.

So things are looking great, now we just need to smooth out the small cracks :)

On a side note, I wouldn't expect him to give me half the money we save, but since we are on a fully common and shared budget, I would divide the savings in the same ratio as our salaries are. If we were on separate budgets and everyone was managing their own salaries then of course everyone saves as much as they can or want and the other has no right to meddle into that money. But now I cannot accept that the pool of both our salaries put together is managed by one person and that one person keeps as much from it as they want just because they put more into the pool.
I hope this makes sense :D

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