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So as some of you guys may know, I am a feminist. Well not one of those feminists that is like "urgh i hate all men and women should rule the world" but i believe in Gender Equality. This issue started off mainly with my Dad. He was brought up in a very old-fashioned household, where his father was the boss of everything and could make his wife (my grandma) do anything he wanted, whenever he wanted. It was one of those households, Mum cooking, cleaning and doing pretty much everything, Dad watching cricket and sleeping. Now there's nothing i can do to change that, that wasnt even my generation. But my Father picked some of this up off his parents and thinks its more "normal." here is an example. Dad: "Amelia go do the laundry." Me: "ive done laundry all week, could you not do it today? its not like you are doing anything." Dad: "NO i am the BOSS in this household and when i tell you to do the laundry you do it." now i respect the fact that my Parents are older and wiser than me, but can i not speak my opinion a little? And he is always saying to my poor mother, "clean the house!" and she cleans it, he comes home and says "not clean enough." does he EVER do any household chores like that? no. Just reflecting a little on this, probably sounds stupid and petty, but i may as well write it down. |
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Yep, I've been raised similarly and while my dad has gotten more relaxed over the years I still get where you're coming from. It sucks but there's not much to do about it if the person in question doesn't want to change their mind. |
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Sadly, that is how it can be in many households. A lot of men, of course not all, but many are raised to be that way. It is quite upsetting. The best thing you can do is stop the cycle for the future. So if you ever have kids, you may not...but if, then teach your son(s) and/or daughter(s) to set boundaries and to not fall into the same steps you have seen the men in your life do. Remember that being called a parent whether it be 'father' or 'mother' isn't a title or a means of rank in the family. It seems that he is using that as leverage. I have learned...from long long years of experience...that the best way to overcome this is to set boundaries between you and your father. Of course, he won't like it, but it will help you gain the confidence to not put up with crap that could possibly be emotionally damaging you. By no means am I saying to lash out at every moment you get. I have noticed that if you remain composed yet firm that it can send a message, even if it only affects him in the littlest way. Even if he doesn't change, setting boundaries will help you acquire a new side of yourself, allowing you to be free from the anxiety you feel day-to-day. Best of luck to you, love. No one deserves to be in those situations ^-^ |
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thanks, thats great advice and all of what you said is correct. I plan to have children in the future, and I am definitely going to try and put a stop to this thing.
Kyubi said:
Sadly, that is how it can be in many households. A lot of men, of course not all, but many are raised to be that way. It is quite upsetting. The best thing you can do is stop the cycle for the future. So if you ever have kids, you may not...but if, then teach your son(s) and/or daughter(s) to set boundaries and to not fall into the same steps you have seen the men in your life do. Remember that being called a parent whether it be 'father' or 'mother' isn't a title or a means of rank in the family. It seems that he is using that as leverage. I have learned...from long long years of experience...that the best way to overcome this is to set boundaries between you and your father. Of course, he won't like it, but it will help you gain the confidence to not put up with crap that could possibly be emotionally damaging you. By no means am I saying to lash out at every moment you get. I have noticed that if you remain composed yet firm that it can send a message, even if it only affects him in the littlest way. Even if he doesn't change, setting boundaries will help you acquire a new side of yourself, allowing you to be free from the anxiety you feel day-to-day. Best of luck to you, love. No one deserves to be in those situations ^-^
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My dad just says do what you want but not drugs,and my moms like:you need to clean and be a proper lady ECT |
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My dad didn't care what I did as long as it wasn't illegal. However when I was little and my mom died when I really young my dad insisted I at least learn to do the laundry and of course clean my room. I learned to cook to survive since he really couldn't cook. He could BBQ and grill (two very different styles of cooking), but anything else not so much. |
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Lol this is random, but my names Amelia :D Im sorry, that sucks fren |
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Have you discussed this in more detail with him? Older people are more set in their ways. I mean if you live your whole life a certain way its difficult to move from that. Not an excuse for poop behavior, but if you discuss it with him more then the ball is in his court so to speak, to work on his attitude and how he treats people. |
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