i dont know if anyone else feels this way but lately ive just been feeling absoluetly swamped. I got very sick from a deficiency i had and now even 2 months later im finally starting to recover all the way from it. Horse training has almost taken a back burner and i feel like shit for it. My gelding needs to be colt started and im the only one who can. Hes terrified of other people and only trusts me and my boyfriend but my boyfriend is new to horses and is too big to ride him. I feel like my boyfriend thinks of me as this great fearless colt starter but to be entirely honest im scared to ride him. Hes never bucked with me never done anything to even attempt to be naughty or try to throw me off or even get nervous with me but im just scared he will. Hes had about 15 rides but every time hes been on a lunge line as a safety feature so my boyfriend can help him learn to walk, trot, change directions ect. with my aid. Hes very responsive to my seat and when i lean back he stops he does well with the reigns but im going to be honest im just nervous and scared. The last mustang i was training was a mare from utah and they have similar personalities. Every single time i got on her she would randomly rear and jump into the air while standing on her back legs and then immediately tuck her head and bronc. i was not able to stay on everytime she did this and it dwindled my confidence from 90-15% She had given me concussions and i seriously injured my ankle as well as my wrist trying not to give up on her and just trying to "cowgirl up" and get back on. My current gelding has gone through a year of groundwork and preperation and has never even bucked when saddled for the first couple times. Im so scared to ride him that i just stopped. My boyfriend expects so much from me to be able to train him that he said i need to just ride him without the line and with him watching me. I understand that at this point the line is probably my safety blanket but i just dont think i would feel any confidence at all without it. It feels like im being thrown into the deep end. I dont even know why i feel like this ive trained upwards of 20 horses undersaddle in my life but since my mare i feel like i cant fully trust anymore. My other problem is i know that my gelding is not ready for someone to not be in the middle of the arena helping him understand the commands better but my boyfriend keeps pushing me to do it without him standing so he can sit down and watch but i dont want him to watch me if i do get bucked off. To me i feel like i dont want to be made fun of even though i know he wouldnt do that. I talked to my boyfriend about getting riding lessons just to help my confidence with being on a horse again but he just keeps saying. "i think you just need to ride rj more"(our gelding) but im really nervous for anything to go wrong that i feel like it makes him nervous too and might make him do something. i understand people might say i shouldnt be training him if i cant get on him or something but im literally his only hope. Hes solid on the ground with every single thing i do but nobody else can even pet past his neck because he was abused by someone who used to board at our barn(theyve been kicked out since) the only other people who can touch him are kids but i would never put a child on him until hes finished undersaddle with WTC ect. Another feeling ive had lately is that i feel so behind in the horse industry. It feels as though no matter how hard i try i wont have anything because theres always something better or more expensive that you need. I currently have a toyota 2 door car that i use to go to the barn and buy grain pellets shavings ect. But i need to buy a truck. I dont make that much money and saving up for something that much is really hard. I know im only 19 and i have time left but i also need a trailer and it costs so much nowadays. We make enough for our horses to live amazing lives but my boyfriends parents keep charging us more money per month and the cost of groceries and gas has taken like half our budget away. I want a horse i can gain confidence on but the market is so high right now and i cant afford 10k on a horse that has what i need. The problem with buying another horse right now is i feel stressed about all the other stuff i have to save for. I always have an emergency vet fund saved away but i like to increase it every paycheck. However saving for a truck, trailer, horse, vet fund, new tack ect. is so insanely stressful. My boyfriend and i share our money and put it together for everything. However im the only one that budgets or plans anything. Gas money from this paycheck? i plan it. Shavings for this paycheck? i plan it. every single thing that we purchase has been planned. But its so stressful having to plan everything because he says he doesnt know how or he doesnt want to do it wrong and i do it better. Every single thing that i have to keep track of or do is listed right here: Laundry, shavings, buying hay, diets for the horses, buying grain, buying pellets, what kind of hay to buy, what kind of grain, what kind of pellets, how many bags of shavings per week, when the car needs gas, how much to put in gas, dinner list for every single night for every week, grocery list for those dinners, when the horses go out, when he gets paid, how much he gets paid, boyfriends birthday, gifts for his birthday, cake for his birthday, decor for his birthday, food and snacks for his birthday, and all the shit for my own birthday too including what gift to buy because he doesnt know what to get, rent money, utilities, car payments, car insurance, his car liscense plate renewal, oil changes in his car, when to fill wiper fluid, when to buy wiper fluid, when to buy new tires, his fishing liscense, my fishing liscense, his hunting liscense, buying dry cat food, buying wet cat food, buying wet dog food, when to buy cat litter, cleaning the cat box, cat vaccines, dog vaccines, horse vaccines, coggins, farrier, when to pay board, getting our stud registered with APHA, getting our mustangs title, every single birthday of his siblings(he has 7), his parents birthdays, help him with his taxes, help him with job paperwork, cleaning the turtle's tank, refilling the turtle's tank, turtle's vet appointments, new stuff for the turtle, feeding the turtle, feeding the cat, feeding the horses, feeding the dog, watering the cat, watering the horses, watering the dog, cleaning the horse stalls, brushing and grooming the horses, training the horses, cleaning the pastures, feeding the barn cat, watering the barn cat, his phone bill, the wifi bill, adobe subscription, disney plus, peacock subscription, HBO max, his playstation plus, what games he wants, finishing up renovating our entire room, when to buy the soap shampoo body scrub ect, my own family's birthdays, looking for a place to rent, applying for a new job, getting my drivers liscense, finding a truck to buy, finding a horse trailer to buy, where to keep the horse trailer, cleaning the house, making dinner, learning the language his family speaks, making my tack business try to come to life, doing the crochet hat he wanted me to make, helping his siblings with their homework, walking the dog, cleaning up the dog poop from the backyard, and having to do our budget planner for the week going over all the math from every penny from every paycheck to make sure we can afford all the stuff he wants. and doing art on here as well. Every single task is done by me. He works at a paper printing company and works 8 hour shifts M-F i understand hes tired from standing when he comes home but im mentally exhausted. i also have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, ptsd, autism, adhd, chronic insomnia, depression, and social anxiety. My brain is just tired all the time of every single thing i have to remember i feel like im being treated like my mind is a book but when i voice this to my boyfriend he tries to help and then just slowly stops helping. we've been together for almost 6 years now but i feel like i just dont have any down time. and i dont have a time where i can just relax. im honestly just stressed the hell out and dont know how im going to fit it into my schedule to figure out how to save for all the stuff we need especially when he buys things out of impulse. He buys alot of things we dont need i understand this makes him happy but also it would make me happy if i didnt have to stress over how much it was. I grew up very poor and feel like i stress over the cost of everything because of how i was raised. Hence why every penny needs to be accounted for. sorry for this insanely long post i just really needed to rant i understand if you cant relate to what im saying or i sound like i am complaining but i just needed to be able to talk about it. I moved away from all my friends to a different state to live with my boyfriend. My family rarely talks to me due to me being in a different state and my sister only talks to me if shes arguing with her boyfriend. When shes not she acts like i dont exist. Every single thing i do she needs to copy me. I bought a paint stud now she wants one even though she doesnt like horses. i dyed my hair so she dyed her hair. im going somewhere for my birthday and now shes taking her daughter there for her birthday. i learned to crochet so she learned to crochet. im an artist so she tried becoming an artist. i said i wanted to learn to tattoo so she learned to tattoo. i read tarot cards so she bought tarot cards. i want to have my own cattle ranch so now she wants to have her own cattle ranch(she doesnt eat beef and hates cows). i wanted a tattoo so she got a bunch so she could say she did it first. and now the thing thats pissed me off the most is the day after my birthday im supposed to go out to dinner with my dad and my boyfriend. he isnt able to come with us to my birthday event so we're going for dinner the night after my birthday. My sister invited herself without telling me told my dad i said it was okay and now her name is on the reservation. I asked her why and she said she wants it to be the first time her boyfriend of 1 year gets to meet our dad. So basically my entire birthday dinner will be filled with her talking about her boyfriend. I like her boyfriend but there is a time and a place for first introductions and stealing away my birthday dinner to turn it into son in law father in law introductions is kind of a bitch move especially since shes had all this time to do an introduction but specifically chose my birthday dinner to do it. Her boyfriend and her went out for his birthday like 2 weeks ago and my dad asked to go and my sister said she didnt want to yet she had a date in mind. which means she specifically waited until my birthday for a reason. She also wanted to come with on my birthday to medieval times with us this saturday but didnt anymore after i refused to pay for her ticket for VIP seating. she said she was the guest on the trip so didnt understand why she needed to pay for it. i just dont understand why she has to be like this to me. sorry for the rant being so long i just dont have anyone to talk to about it thanks

What is colt starting?

starting a horse under saddle to be ridden

I have never heard that phrase. Breaking- in, starting, saddling but never colt breaking. Is it done differently for fillies?

no colt starting is just horses that are young 2-4 years old doesnt matter the gender this phrase is mainly used with western riders