Yesterday I was so exhausted that I didn't have the power to type everything out xD So here comes the little late description of my possibly last lounge lesson for the semester.

We found out in the morning that it was the day of the evaluation of our riding skills. Our lounge instructor was a bit late again, and he scared us with saying he will have to go somewhere and asked the beginner-hater guy to come and teach the lounge class after some time. (Spoiler: thankfully he had time for all 4 of us and there was no need to get the beginner-hater one xD)

It was raining, the whole stable fields were covered in deep, sticky mud, my heels got stuck in it multiple times, once I almost even fell. So yesterday we groomed and tacked up Udvarhölgy in her stall, at the back of the stable, and led her to the arena from there.

Since everyone was super stressed about this "riding exam" and I was the one leading the horse to the arena, I was the first to ride as well. I honestly even forgot that this class will be evaluated the moment I got into the saddle. It was all like a usual lounge class. After a round or two of walk I was asked to trot right away. I had to keep her on the edge of the circle, bend her and control the trot speed. Sometimes slower sometimes faster. Then I had to do the exercise where I would slow her to walk and after 4-5 steps I would start her into trot again. These all went pretty well in both directions.

Then came the canter part. I was always wary of cantering, but yesterday... Phew! The instructor told me to try and start her into canter myself. With stirrups and reins andeverything. I told him that I still haven't managed to let go of the saddlein canter before, but he told me it'll be fine and I should just do it. So I did, try my very best. It was hard x) First hold the reins tight, "drive her into my hands" then pull behind the outer heel and soften the reins... Doing this all in the correct time was quite hard to pick up on. For the first 2-3 tries I didn't soften the reins in time or the boot wasn't in the right place, but the 4th or 5th time, can't remember anymore, I managed to start her! And I immediately got scared too, fo course, cause I was used to holding onto the saddle. I probably pulled the reins a little too hard in my surprise and uncertain sitting because she immediately fell back to trot after just a few steps. It was indeed scary, but in the same time, it felt great. So even if the instructor didn't tell me to do it again I would have wanted to try it. So I went on and tried again, and again, until I managed to canter almost a full circle without falling back to trot.

However, my hands were all over the place so the instructor told me to drop the reins and stirrups and just try to put my hands out to the sides. I didn't manage that, only one hand was out and I started slipping out of the saddle so I had to grab it to pull myself back up. And by that time, time was up for me, so after a few tries with this I had to get off to let the next person come.

I think so far this was the class I enjoyed the most. If I could I would have gone back into the saddle and kept trying for another half an hour or so, for sure. Of course, today I do feel that my muscles had more than enough with this much as well, but yesterday I only felt the awesomeness of finally grasping the movement of canter and how amazing riding truly is.

I got a 4 for grade. In my country we give grades between 1-5, with the following meaning:
1 - insufficient (failing grade)
2 - sufficient (passing grade)
3 - mediocre
4 - good
5 - excellent
Everyone on the lounge group got a 4, not sure by what standard, but I didn't and still don't even care, honestly. I developed a lot during this semester, and I finally get to learn how to ride. That's enough for me. I don't need grades to be happy.

Phew, the new semester started last week and I barely had energy to even reply to my mails on here :,D I'll write up a small recap of the past two weeks.

My schedule for this semester is much more tiring than the last one. I have a riding class on Monday afternoon, then Tuesday morning, and Thursday afternoon. So I barely have time to rest on Monday evening, next morning I have to hop into the saddle again. This will be a little exhausting until my muscles develop properly x)

Our lounge instructor has time for us on both Monday and Tuesday, and I feel like I've already improved a bunch, even though I only had 3 classes with him (because last Tuesday I slept through my alarm and missed the classes :,D). Udvarhölgy was also taken to the herd to give birth, and so far we rode 2 other horses. One is called Imágó (not sure about the translation here lol) and the other is called Szeszély (whimsy). It's definitely interesting to ride different horses. For example, the trot of Szeszély is so bumpy that I'm having trouble sitting down, but her canter is wonderful. It's much easier to find the rhythm and follow her movements than it was with Udvarhölgy or Imágó. However, Szeszély is getting scared easily, and she's also prone to hurrying. Imágó is the second oldest mare in the stable, and she really is like a grandma, when it comes to the tempo of her gaits.

On the first Monday we rode Szeszély. We were all a little scared of her at first, as she wasn't as patient as Udvarhölgy was while tacking up. I was the one leading her to the arena from her stall, and as we approached the paddocks she nearly pulled me away, wanting to go out there. She also jumped around for a while, even after the teacher made her run a bit on the lounge without anyone riding her to get her energy out. In the end the class was alright, though it took a while to get used to riding again, especially her.

This Monday we rode Imágó. She was as sweet as I remembered (last semester I got to ride her for a few minutes on one of the Friday classes with the other instructor). However, this time she seemed to be afraid of everything. The wind rustling the sides of the arena, people appearing in the door, you name it. I was taken off the lounge to ride a bit by myself, doing some figures, learning how to control the horse. One time when we approached the door of the arena she jumped, which did scare me at first, but (unlike the other Gidráns there) she immediately fell back into a walk after the initial jump and didn't burst into canter to run away from whatever startled her. I'm glad that she was the horse who got startled under me for the first time, I had no trouble staying on her back and since she immediately stopped and started listening to me again, it didn't leave a lasting negative feeling in me.

On Tuesday it was time for Szeszély again. I had a feeling I would fall that class, but *spoiler alert* I didn't. On the contrary, I feel like I've learned the most during that class. Since everyone was afraid of going first (seeing how last time she was jumping around), I was the first to ride. She indeed hurried a lot, in walk and trot alike, but this was the perfect opportunity to learn how to control the speed and intensity of the gaits. We had a hard time stopping to a halt at first, but again, this was a great opportunity to learn how to properly stop the horse. And keep her standing for as long as I wanted to. I also learned that my boots are usually in the wrong place so my "boots are empty" as we say it, so I got the chance to focus on that too. And the canter was so good that I nearly shed tears of joy. There were a few strides where I finally felt stable in the saddle, and really got the hang of how to move together with the horse. It was the best feeling I've ever had on the back of a horse, and I can't wait to get to try again!

Welp, to all who still follow this, sorry for disappearing. This semester had been... Catastrophic... Let me try to recap a bit.

First of all, in the beginning of the semester Szeszély was okay. She wasn't as calm and "grandma-like" as Udvarhölgy, but she was okay. Then she went crazy. She learned that whenever we let go of the reins it was canter time and so she began to hurry, sometimes jumping into canter by herself when the instructor only asked her to trot. Her canter also became something like a racehorse, she launched herself with very big momentum, only slowed down after a few strides. Yet, she remained our lounge horse, despite many people falling off her.

And my time had finally come, I had my first fall off a horse when Szeszély bolted as if fired from a gun, and I couldn't hold myself. I flew quite a distance and landed straight on my back. Thanks to the protector I wore I only got bruises, but I was still taken out from riding for three weeks. My back hurt like a bitch, taking deep breaths and sneezing were especially painful, yet the x-rays confirmed there was no fracture or broken bone.

When I was able to ride again, we started slow. At first I only got to walk with Imágó after the lesson was finished to let her cool off, and getting back into the saddle was so great. Unfortunately for the first few times my back started hurting after a short while, but slowly the pain went away.

During my low intensity riding time I had a class where I rode Imágó, and the teacher set up a small obstacle course we had to complete in walk.

It was here, in the labyrinth part where she pointed out that I'm not using my weight properly, only my hands and the reins, that's why I'm having a hard time in there. It really felt good when I managed to get through it flawlessly twice, and I learned a lot during that class.

Not long after, however, I fell again from Szeszély. This class I was on the lounge but already made to canter. I had to start her by myself, using the weight, the reins and the boots together. I did manage to start her and canter a little bit a few times, but I felt that my balance was off. I asked the instructor to let me hold onto the saddle again, because I didn't feel confident in my sitting, but that was all Szeszély needed to bolt. This time I kind of slid off of her, still holding onto her neck and side as I fell, but I still managed to land very badly. I nearly fainted and couldn't stand so they called an ambulance for me. After a few dreadful hours of panic, x-rays, CT scans and waiting in the hospital, they told me my sacrum was broken. My first time ever breaking a bone wheehoo! I was ordered to strictly stay in bed for two weeks, I was given crutches to walk for the necessities, and given injections against blood clots every day.

The recovery was long and torturing, though at least I got to joke around with friends and family that I literally broke my ass. Riding was, obviously, out of question for the rest of the semester. I still can't ride and my recovery isn't yet complete. I can walk without crutches now, though not very far yet. My last checkup at the hospital will be next Tuesday morning, I hope I'll get the all clear.

I hope I'll be able to update more frequently during my summer internship, which will start at the middle of July and last until the first week of August. Spending the first summer internship here at the university stable is mandatory for first year students, so I'll stick around Szeszély a little longer I guess xD

Well well... it's been a while since I updated here. I even forgot this thread exists. Let me do a recap.

And thank you for the good wishes Nightshade <3

The summer internship was hell. It was basically slave work from 6:45 AM to however long we were kept (usually around 4-5 PM). Honestly, I kind of expected it to be as such, so at least I was well prepared mentally. An average day was like this:

Feeding, mucking stalls, two rounds of riding (there were more horses to be ridden than people on the internship), then at around 12 feeding and mucking again, then whatever work that had to be done (usually putting horses who didn't go under saddle onto the "walker machine" - not sure of this term here xD - or into the paddocks, cleaning tack, cleaning around the stable and paddocks/riding arenas), then around 3 another round of feeding and mucking, and when that was done, and the stable was left in order, we could leave.

We got a short break before riding and a 1 hour lunch break after the midday feeding/mucking. Since I'm not a very experienced rider I didn't ride two rounds, just one, with the oldest mare in the stable.

However... It seems that I was more afraid of riding again than I thought I would be. I haven't ridden at all since my accident, and when I go to the stable I got very nervous. I did notify the instructors, and on the first day I was just put on the lunge and walked a little bit. The next day I was made to trot by the "screaming teacher" (as my boyfriend calls him, for his loud speech), and for the first few minutes I was freaking out a bit. My mouth went dry in an instant and I struggled to catch my breath a bit, but by the time I got off the horse I felt great. I was taken back to the basics, stopping, starting, stopping, staying, and so on. The next day I was with the lady instructor again, she asked me to start trotting, but I couldn't manage it. While I was trying my best to start the mare into trot, the instructor was talking to another rider in the arena about the money issues that are to come - as feed and fodder prices were through the roof. In the end, after about fifteen minutes of failure she said it was best to just let it go and get back to work.

After this, during the first week I was kept on the lunge, and the "screaming teacher" was there with me. He taught me a lot, and surprisingly, during the whole internship he completely changed my impression of him. Remember how badly I spoke of him in the beginning of last year? During and since the internship, he's been great. He took me through the basics again, speeding up, slowing down, standing up in the stirrups, staying seated in trot, and all. He never failed to encourage me, telling me to be brave, and when the class was finished he complimented my efforts. The mare I rode (called Boróka) was also very sweet, she made me forget I was riding a skittish Gidrán as she never got scared of anything. Other horses bucking in the arena? Cool. Helicopter swooping ahead? Cool. Random noises in the surrounding forest? Who cares? I think the only reason she isn't the standard lunge horse is her health. She's very old and loses weight easily, also she tends to cough when made to work hard, so they're trying to go easy on her with work.

Starting from the second week of the internship, I was let off from the lunge. I had a small section of the big arena to myself, while the others rode in the larger portion. My section was separated from the others by three big trees, and I was asked to do various figures using the trees as markers. Some days went better than others, but all in all I felt that this was a great start to getting back into the saddle.

I had an issue with randomly getting dizzy though... It would start in the morning right as I woke up and gradually worsen throughout the day. I went to see a doctor but they couldn't pinpoint a cause. She suspected that after my fall something in my inner ears might have misaligned, so she sent me to neurology and put me on a temporary medication to reduce dizziness. With the medicine I could manage during the internship, but after every 2 days the dizziness would strike though the medication and I had to skip a day to rest. Long story short, in the end it was a chiropactor who found the cause. A muscle that connected my right leg to my lower back was somehow stiff, likely from the recovery after the fall, and it kept pulling my leg upwards. It messed up my balance and hence the dizziness that felt like I'm being pulled to the right side was created. After two sessions of massage the problem was gone and han't come back since. For a while it even felt strange to walk!

Also a side info that will be important later, by the start of the next year both of the beginner riders from my class left the course. One of them just disappeared, and the other was so stressed out due to the pressure in the stable that she broke down. I was the only one left who went there without any proper riding knowledge. There were two more girls in our group during the first year, but they were "restarters", they knew how to ride more or less, but didn't ride for a few years prior so they needed a slower start.

Anyway, back to the point.

Semester started and... Well it didn't start great. This semester on Tuesday and Wednesday we had riding classes from 7 to 11 so we were the first ro ride the horses on these days. I was in the group of the "screaming teacher". On my first riding class I was given Imágó, the horse from the previous entry whom I did that small obstacle course with. Boy was she full of energy! The teacher gave the command to trot, and she immediately started, even though I didn't start her up. I tried my best to keep her pace slow, but she kept speeding up, and I panicked, so I stopped and told the instructor that I can't deal with the horse. He told me to take her back to ther stall and notify the lady instructor that Imágó has to be put under someone else that day. After that I went back to the arena to collect poop and assist my classmates with whatever they needed.

The next day I got a sore throat so I didn't ride for the rest of that week.

Come next week (yes, week 2 in the semester) and I'm given Imágó again. This time, however, the first year students are also riding together with us. We were 6 riders in total, in the smaller covered arena. Needless to say I was already nerous even before the class started. I got on the horse and she just wouldn't move forward. She kicked up with her hind leg towards her belly, and would only move backwards. The instructor grabbed her reins and tried to make her walk, but she just refused. He told me to get off and bring a more experienced rider along, because the mare was bred just the day before, and she hadn't been bred for a few years prior, so it's probably the covering that made her behave like that.

Great news! Especially because guess what, we had a stallion in the class.

The girl who came rode the mare for a few minutes, she trotted and cantered with her for a while, then I was given the horse back and took my place in the class, as the second rider behind the stallion. I wasn't really on top of my game, she just kind of followed the horse in front of her - which was alright, at least she didn't take advantage of me being a useless sack of potatoes on her back -, but at some point a mixup happened. There was a problematic 4 year old in the group as well and when it bolted, the arrangement got a little bit mixed up. I ended up going right behind the stallion, and in curves Imágó would stop to release that liquid, and slowing down, showing she was still "in heat".

Most likely an unrelated thing, but at one point she saw something outside the arena, and got scared of it, so she took a step towards the inside of the arena, and, you guessed it, I fell. This time I didn't get injured, I also didn't let go of the reins, which I consider an accomplishment for some reason, so I stood up, dusted myself off and got back on. However, I was so scared at that point that the previous girl who rode the mare stood next to me and the instructor decided it was best if I just walk in the middle of the arena for the remainder of the class.

After the class we had to do some leaf-sweeping in the stable garden, and my instructor approached me. He said I should talk with the head of the course (our instructor on the lunge from last year) to see what can be done about me, because I can't be put into riding classes like this. He said that until there is some sort of "command" from above, they can only do what's written down into our course requirements.

So I did that, the same day I talked to the head of the course. He said he couldn't make an exception just for me, so if I felt like I couldn't manage to learn cantering by myself by the end of the semester, I should consider changing courses altogether. I didn't want to resort to changing courses because I absolutely love the theoretical classes, so I kept emailing with the head of the course to see if we can find a workaround. He then said that he talked to the instructors, and made a special arrangement for me. I would trade one of my regular riding classes to be with him on Mondays, I would be on the lunge again on another day, and for the third day, I would ride after the class was done, on one of the horses that was out with my classmates.

On Wednesday I had a hard time waking up and ended up sleeping through my alarm, so I only went to the riding class on Thursday. And when the lady instructor called out the names and who gets which horse, I was shocked to hear I got Imágó and class riding again. After we were dismissed I went to her to ask what was up, but I could only say as much as "I talked to the head of the course" and she exploded at me.

She said things like "if only you were as dedicated to your riding as you are with blaming other people and making them look bad, we wouldn't be having a problem". Also "until you understand that it was your fault that you fell, you won't be getting ahead". Oh, and the best part: "there are others in your class who started out as beginners and now ride so well, so you had all the chances you needed" (Remember that I mentioned how both beginner riders left? Yeah.) She literally yelled at me in front of the whole class, heck, the whole stable, that I backstab people, and I keep going to the head of the course instead of talking to my instructors. That I should just do what my instructor tells me to do and I'd be fine.

In the end she said I should take the mare I rode during the internship, but that "I told you what to do, now do whatever you want".

Unfortunately I'm very bad at standing up for myself so I ended up breaking down crying. I cried a little bit in the changing room, but people kept going in and out, so I had to get myself together fast.

In the end I did the riding class, we were only 3 of us in the arena this time, and even though I wanted out halfway into the class I pushed through and finished it. Again, my instructor complimented on it: "That's how it's done. Every time push a little bit more and you'll get there eventually."

Sadly, it went downhill from then on. I rode once more with the head of the course on a Monday, but my panic disorder took the better of me. I got panic attacks during the night before riding classes, and even thinking about that one good class I had made my palm sweat. I went down a spiral and when I started getting no sleep at all, I decided to change universities.

There is another uni in the country which does the same class, but more theory focused. They only have riding classes in the first semester of the first year, and have much more theory subjects (For example, they have a subject dedicated to the equipment of horse and rider. A whole semester just for this!) I'll hand in my transfer request once I passed all my exams from this semester's theory classes, but I'm not riding anymore. I can't. My psychologist and even the head of the course himself agreed that it would be best to take the pressure of having to ride off of me and getting back into riding in a slower, more relaxed pace.

This is definitely not the end of my journey into the "horse world". I hope I can find a good stable near the new university where I can pick up the reins once again, with the help of a nice and calm school horse.

EmeraldHillsFarm said:

Oh no, I'm so sorry that your time at this uni ended so badly :( Hopefully the next course will be a better fit for you. Do you think you'd be more comfortable riding at a true lesson barn with good horses for beginners? It seems like the uni you were at previously was never set up to have true beginners in the course.

With the flurry of things going on I've forgotten to update this for quite some time. To say that things didn't turn out as I expected them would be an understatement.

The transfer was successful, and the new university accepted most of my subjects to be brought over, which was great. However, I was told that this university was very tough, so I didn't pick a lot of subjects for my first semester. This caused some... complications later on, resulting in me having one extra semester to do all the subjects. It is true that some subjects were super tough, but in general I don't think I had a harder time with studying than before.

This university doesn't have its own stable, and they only had riding classes for the first two semesters, so in my two years here I've barely seen horses up close. The degree includes agricultural engineering as part of the title, and here they seem to be more focused on this part of the studies. I did have quite a lot of horse-related subjects and my theoretical knowledge is much more than it was before, but my practical skills are... well... lacking, to say the least.

I haven't ridden since leaving the previous uni. I've been around horses a few times, but mostly through friends or family, and not regularly. I would have had the chance to go to a small place to ride, but getting there was difficult. It was a very remote location with only badly - or rather, not at all - maintained dirt road that mostly tractors used. I don't have a car and the one I could borrow wasn't meant for half a meter deep ridges, and neither were my nerves, trying to slide on them, praying to not put the bottom of the car down. This, and my fear were enough to convince myself it was okay to just not go.

The time for my final semester is here. I need to start my internship next week, and I'm very scared of it. Will I be good enough? Will my fear of riding be in the way? It's a small establishment with only two mares, two stallions and a gelding, with the foals rotating out as they come and go. I've also opted to do my internship at the other side of Europe, so everything here is different. The people, the horses, the culture... I wonder how much knowledge will I be able to apply in these conditions. Even though I'm scared I'm also very excited to learn all sorts of new things, about how the equestrian business is done here.

I will have to write a journal throughout the internship for the uni, so I might not be actively updating this thread, but at some point I'll definitely write up some recap about how it went.