Mediterranean said:
Feeling anxious and having an anxiety attack are two different things. From the wording of your original post it seemed as though you were experiencing anxiety attacks frequently whilst riding.

Which is why we were suggesting what we previously had. Now, as you've made it clear that your anxiety is not that bad, but, still interferes with your riding, perhaps maybe speak to a local therapist or community counsellor instead - or if you're in school, then a school counsellor? (Not sure if they have those where you live, or in the states). Or, just talk to someone about it.

Like I said, I don't know you, your situation, or your horse. I'm just trying to help and you have every right to shoot me down.

Thank you. This is the kind of helpful information I was looking for when I posted.

Here's a few tips for you. I have some anxiety, my horses are typically what helps me keep it together as well as all my in training dogs. So first things first. Horses are flight animals as I'm sure you know, so if they sense that anxiety (yes they will) they are going to start acting out. My baby boy Chief is the best freaking horse ever but if he senses me getting anxious while I'm riding he gets panicky and doesn't use his brain because if I'm scared of something he should be too! Or that's what he probably is thinking. So in that situation I typically just remind myself of that fact and if It's a minor thing then I settle down and focus. Now you could try breathing techniques, grounding techniques as well are very helpful when having some anxiety except you also have to be aware of the horse you have below you. Then next is figuring out the source of your anxiety. Is it the horse? Is it your trainer? Your lessons? Personal stuff unrelated to it all? Try to figure it out and fix it. Trust me it does wonders (: I'm someone who likes to have a support system, personally I like to call a friend if I get anxious and talk with them but I'm not sure how feasible that maybe for you. I would talk with your trainer though. I know it sucks and It's hard but It's important. My job is training dogs to be service animals and I ended up having to tell the head trainer about it. I thought she was going to kick me out of the program but instead she was very willing to work with me. Your trainer will want what's best for you and the horse. Just tell them you want to set up a plan incase you do get anxious. Mine is if I get anxious while we work dogs I let her handle and I pay. If It's not while working dogs I just ask if I can take her dog to the field and she knows that's my way of saying I'm anxious and I need to calm down, then after work we talk about what happened. Anxiety can be dangerous sometimes but you can beat it.
If you are having any attacks on horseback please don't ride. I did have a massive full blown panic attack on my boy Chief after a very horrific thing happened and I actually grabbed him and we took off. We ended up having to call a very good friend of mine who had to talk me off of him and have me sit on the ground until I settled. I just want to throw that in as a disclaimer. Now, you got this. You can figure this out and push through, good luck! My inbox is always open.

Yeesh that was long. Sorry xD

thanks for all the advice Skye, as well as taking the time to write all of that xD

Also, I was jumping under supervision of a different trainer, just to let that be known.

I am glad to hear that it is getting better.

we definitely have also been working on the ground as well. he trusts me much more and even follows me around. I would love to do liberty work with him in the arena, however he gets so excited that it is dangerous and I don't want to put him in danger of breaking a leg. his safety and mine is above all and I will not be responsible for him getting hurt, otherwise I would do free lunging and liberty.

For anyone that might care I have another update. We've been back to regular jumping. DJ has been seeing a chiropractor about his arthritis and has become much more supple and less stiff. I myself have seen a chiropractor and gotten my back adjusted so I am no longer stiff when riding.

This may sound absolutely ridiculous, but bear with me... I've suffered with anxiety and mixed depression for most of my life. I've seen therpists, I take medications, you name it, but they never actually gave me a coping mechanism that worked.

Fast forwards a little bit, when I wanted to buy my horse. That meant getting a job, which was a seriously daunting task. Working in customer service with severe anxiety is a struggle, but I quickly learned that I could separate myself into two "people." Obviously not in a dissociative identity disorder way, I learned that in order to do my job well, I had to learn to be this actor who didn't have anxiety. I was customer service me, not /me/ me. It works. Any time I'm having to do something that scares me, I change myself. I'm not me, the little scared person who can't open a door, just because there's no clear indication that I can open it.

I'm not sure what is causing your anxiety, if it's horse related, or other things in your life. If it's horse related, pretend you're one of the best riders in the history of riding. Imagine yourself so full of confidence that you are not /you/, you are a confident, amazing person who can accomplish anything they believe they can.

Or, if you want to get a little crazier.... a couple months ago at school I learned a new coping mechanism. I was super anxious one day, for no reason. I was panicking. I couldn't sleep. My mind was going a million miles an hour. So as a slight joke (but not really) to myself, I googled how to control stressful thoughts. The first thing that popped up was to set aside a "worry period." If you're anything like I am, you're probably going 'haha ok. Yeah, that definitely sounds like that will work." Just hear me out.

It eventually got so bad, that I just stopped. I told myself "Why are you worrying? Is it really that important that we have to do this /now?/" I said, "We'll worry about this tomorrow." Procrastination is what I do best, but surprisingly... it worked! I was able to fall asleep within the next 10 minutes, all because I got fed up and told myself to shut up. Of course, I just kept putting it off, though. If it's something I can put off that easily, then it never really mattered in the first place.

Sorry, I know this was long, but I hope I helped. I would love to know if you manage to overcome this, and boy do I hope you. Anxiety attacks aren't fun, anxiety itself isn't fun. If you wanna talk to someone, I'm here.