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"It's not you... it's me... " he murmured. "...it's hard for me to tell the difference between what's real and a joke... I didn't have friends to joke around with, and you know about how bad everything was with my family... and I never run away... well, yeah I do, but it's just the way I handle things... I run and I distance myself, and I deal with my emotions on my own... that's what I've always done... what I learned to do... I know it's not normal but I don't know how else to deal with it... and I know I'm sensitive... and little things tend to hurt me more that normal people... my-... my borderline personality disorder probably doesn't help with any of this... I love you... I always will... but... I know I'm messed up, and... and if you can't deal with me or don't want me anymore and you just wanna go... I'd miss you, always, and I don't ever think I'd be okay again, but I'd respect your decision..." his voice faded to a whisper, tears welling in his eyes, but he held them back. |
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Camery Valatieri - Camery listened quietly, her brows furrowing together. She knew he'd had it back. She knew he struggled. She knew everything he'd been through, and for some reason she just couldn't stop herself. The jokes, the teasing, it was just the way she was. She knew he didn't know how to handle it, but it broke her a little bit every time he cried, or told her that he'd had enough. Every time he glared at her, or walked away. It was destroying her. She tried so hard to be happy and upbeat, but it was getting... hard. She loved him more than anything, but her heart ached more and more as he went on. She sat back a little, and ran her hand up and down his back as he spoke. "You're not messed up, babe," she whispered softly to him after a moment or two. "You've had a hard life. It's shaped you into who you are," she added gently. Her fingers ran softly up and down his back after a moment or two, tracing the scars on his back, then up to the folds in his wings, where the nerves had been damaged. "And who you are is just... you're perfect just the way you are. I love you, and how sensetive you are," she paused, closing her eyes and holding him close, burying her nose into his chest. "But you don't need to deal with things on your own. You've got me now, and you know I'll listen to you," she added quietly to him. Cam closed her eyes tight after a moment. "But I won't handle you walking away to deal with them. I won't let you walk away from me to wallow alone. You know when you told me to get Orianna for you, right after I told you I loved you? That broke me. It felt like I wasn't enough for you-" she paused slightly and drew in a wabbly a breath. "And every time you do it I feel worse," she whispered quietly. She then shook her head quickly to him, and held him tighter. "But I'm never gonna leave you. You have your claws gripped firmly into my sides, I'm not going anywhere." |
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"I'll never do what I did to you with the whole Orianna situation again. I promise. That was awful for me to do, and I wasn't mentally stable at the time, but that's no excuse. I'm so sorry for that. You are all I've ever wanted," he apologized. "But- if I'm hurting you, you shouldn't stay. I love you, but if I'm not good for you, you shouldn't have to carry that burden," he replied quietly. Kai loved her so much, but if he was hurting her in anyway, because he was the monster his father created, he didn't want her to go through that. He loved her and he'd never be the same, but he had to protect her too. And if he was the person she needed protection from, well... |
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Camery Valatieri - Cam nodded quietly. "I know, baby," she whispered quietly after a moment or two. She thought quietly for a moment or two, but then furrowed her brows. "But can you see how it puts me on edge? Every time you turn your back to me, or walk off... it feels like you're gonna do it again. I know you won't, you've promised me that, but whenever you stand up and leave I get the same feeling I had that day. Like I'm loosing you," she told him gently. She didn't want him to feel bad at all, but she still felt... she always sat there while he cried, and she always apologised, but it ate away at her just the same as it ate away at him. "Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do when it comes to you," she told him softly. "I am going to marry you, and we're gonna rule and have kids together, and that's because I love you," she told him simply. "But... I need you to talk to me. I need you to tell me what's wrong rather than storming off," she whispered to him. "I need you to sit there and tell me what I've done to make you upset." |
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Kai nodded. "Okay... you're gonna need to teach me how... I don't know how not to just run away..." he replied. He'd been trained to run away when he was upset, just get himself out of a bad situation. "I promise you're not loosing me. It's just me being me," |
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Camery Valatieri - Cam gave him a little squeeze after a moment. "I'll teach you," she murmured softly. She ran her hand down his side before gently wrapping her fingers around his. She sat up a little and crossed her legs as she sat on the bed. "And I love it when you're you... but I also need you to be right here. No crying, no walking off, no..." she trailed off for a moment before taking her hand away from his and sitting up straught. "Tell you what," she murmured lightly, holding her finger up to him. "When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, come wrap you're pinky around mine. We'll call it a pinky cuddle," she mused softly. "When you do that, we'll stop everything and re-group. How does that sound?" She asked happily. |
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Kai smiled and nodded. "I like that idea," he agreed, wrapping his pinky around hers. "I love you so much..." |
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Camery Valatieri - Camery smiled lightly, and gave his pinky a little squeeze before leaning in to peck his lips. Good... she was glad he liked that idea. "You can do it anytime. When we're in public, travelling... hell, you can even do it on the toilet if I'm near," she chuckled gently. "It just means that I'll know before it get to that point when you need to leave. And, if you need to leave a situation, I can come with you or at least make up some sort of excuse for it," she murmured softly to him.
She pressed a soft kiss to his pinky finger and hummed gently. "Love you more," she murmured softly to him. |
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Kai smiled and kissed her nose back. "I love that idea so much," he murmured. It gave him a way to communicate what was going on even when he couldn't get the words out. He didn't know how to tell someone when he was hurting, he didn't know how to do that properly. |
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Camery Valatieri - Cam gave a content smile, glad they'd found something they could do to help him out. She knew he struggled quite a bit with this sort of thing, and that was the last thing she wanted. At least this way, they could get him out of a situation before it got to the point where he didn't know what to do with himself. "Good... let's just make sure we do it though, hm?" She murmured gently to him. It could be the best idea in the world... but it wouldn't matter if they didn't actually use it.
She sat with him for a few minutes, just fussing over him before slipping off to get dressed. They'd gotten a hit side tracked. "Come on, baby boy. Let's go see my mum," she mused lightly. |
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Partly Cloudy with Afternoon Drizzle
