(Mine says it tastes like pork. Quote: So unless somebody has any further evidence, the official opinion of this blog is that human flesh tastes a bit like pork.

So then I look in a different place, and I get this: Contrary to popular belief, people do not taste like pork or chicken.

It says human meat has the texture of beef, but is a little sweeter and softer.

AI will not provide me with the information on how to make crack -le huff- )

-

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"No, just that one Corrupted." He answered with a wry smile, though his words were not joking. "A bit like pork, to be honest. Just far worse. Disgusting, rotten pork. Human meat is... blurch. I was hungry, though." He mused, not kidding at all. It was disgusting, and he never was going to eat it again. Even if he was starving. "Hey, a couple ounces in Normal Speak means I'm rather bright." He teased, chuckling. "Why thank you for deciding not to insult my bulk because you were scared to figure out just how helpful it can be in fighting." He snorted haughtily, waving a hand in the air with a small scoff. Just to add to the indignant feel. "A harder time swimming is the least of my problems! I'm going to gave back pain at 30- if I don't die before then- because I'm always hunched over to avoid hitting my head! Could you even GUESS how many friggin scars are hidden under my hair because I didn't duck fast enough? I'm pretty sure I was naturally brown haired, but blood just stained it red!" He exclaimed. "Life is hard for a tall person." Leo ended woefully. "So many concussions." He whimpered, to add onto his point. "Totally a mistake. When you're talking like an ancient greek philosopher took over your mind, then thats a mistake." He snorted. "Real....ly annoying?" He asked with a lopsided grin. "See, I knew you valued pointy stabby things too much." He snorted, amusement plain in his voice at that time, but a couple seconds later, it was more.. frantically figuring out how the heck to answer that question. Truthfully, obviously, but even that would be impossible. He stayed silent for a couple of seconds as he mentally freaked out, then answered. Slowly. "I'd...... the latter. Second option." He paused for half a second, long enough to wonder about what was wrong with him, before attempting to give a straightforward answer. "I'd like that." Now that the words were out, he stuffed the worrying crazy thoughts down and focused, very hard, on the next thing. "I forgive nothing. I'll praise your boldness, however. They were rude conceited idiots, in my opinion." He agreed with a huff. He looked at her with a snort as she spoke, shaking his head. "Not that easy, but okay." He answered, knowing he'd never be able to stop fretting about that. "Correct. Although seeing an adorable deer wouldn't be the most horrible last thing ever. Unless it was eating you alive." He grinned. "You underestimate Mörderin! She's just getting ready for the big showdown- I'm glad she's asleep, because she strikes me as the kind of animal to be a little bonkers when they're awake." He snorted.

(lmfao all I know is that Jeffrey Dahmer claimed that tattoos ruined the meat, said it tasted like shit, so if you're afraid cannibals are gonna get you, tattoos are the way to go xD)

Lieutenant Dwyer

Glory wrinkled her nose at his answer and said, "Probably because it was Corrupted, makes the meat taste bad." She had no evidence to support this theory, aside from the fact that Corrupted were dirty, filthy, loathsome scumbags who didn't even deserve to be buried when they died. Glory preferred to curse them and spit on their bodies, no sort of funeral whatsoever. "Too bad I don't know Normal Speak," She replied, smiling almost innocently, then frowned. "I'm not SCARED, you're the least scary thing I've ever seen. I'd just like to keep my bones where they belong," She huffed. To Glory, he wasn't scary, but she knew how utterly terrifying he was to others, especially Corrupted. As he spoke, she laughed all too hard, until she couldn't breathe and was dang near wheezing. As he whined about concussions, she calmed down enough to choke out, "Well quit running full-force into doors!" How one got a concussion from bumping into doorframes, Glory hadn't the faintest clue, unless they were sprinting into it knowing full well what'd happen. Sounded almost like something he'd do. "No, they stole all my ideas. They're the mistakes," She huffed, then frowned. "They are not! They're helpful! Most of the time," She said, trying to ignore his adorable smile, which reminded her of a Golden Retriever. She smiled and sat up at his answer, picking up a less-than-pleased Jaws, and turning to face him completely. "I'd like that, too," She murmured, pressing a kiss to his lips briefly. She was rather surprised by her own forwardness, but regretted nothing. She turned back around, resting her head on his shoulder again, petting Jaws, who was back in her lap, with one hand, and was no longer glaring at her. "I'm sure they were worse than that," She said. The definition of shitweasels, from what he'd told her. "No, it's not, but you'll try, right? For me?" She asked. He didn't REALLY need to worry about her all that much, as she was a self-proclaimed expert on not dying. "Which he totally would be," She retorted. He had said that Jaws didn't need to eat, but she had a feeling Jaws would gobble up some Corrupted flesh just because he felt like it. "Pretty sad- for how highly you speak of her, I haven't seen her do anything but sleep and choose to be disobedient," She said sarcastically. Mori certainly LOOKED like she could live up to her name, but would choose not to. Jaws, on the other hand, looked ready to bite off more than a few fingers.

(This rp has to be either really good for me mentally or really bad for me physically, because I laugh more reading this than I have in my entire life xD. And it's all just wheezing

I'm using that quote. "If you're afraid cannibals are gonna get you, tattoos are the way to go. They make the meat taste like shit"

XD))

-

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"It really doesn't, but I understand where you're coming from." Leo smiled slightly at the random thought of burning Corrupted alive. So pleasant. "Too bad indeed." He huffed quietly, then let out a chuckle. "Mm, maybe least scary thing to YOU, save the crushing, but I'd claim that any Corrupted seeing me flattening trees because I'm too lazy to go around them is going to be the slightest bit terrified of what is to come." He joked with a grin. It only widened at her wheezing, though he was SLIGHTLY scared she was going to accidentally kill herself forgetting to breathe, but eventually she seemed to regain her bearing. "I never said I ran full force into a door! Or multiple doors! However, I have, MANY times, been searching for something in a low spot, forget that I'm in that low spot, and try to stand up, resulting in a minor concussion and usually a lot of blood." He huffed, rolling his eyes. "I may like to plow things aside instead of go around them, but I tend to duck under doorways." He grumbled. "And I would never run full force at them in the first place. Believe it or not, I don't like experiencing pain." He added sarcastically, wrinkling his nose slightly. Never had he purposefully gave himself a concussion. "Of course. I forgot you were an alien. How old, may I ask? 5, 600 years?" He asked with a snort. "Most of the time being the key words. So... real...ly unreal? Real..ly in your imagination? Real...ly fake?" He asked with an innocent smile. If there was a job to annoy people, Leo'd be signing up almost before it was created. As she turned towards him, he tried not to think about if she was going to laugh at him or actually answer, and when she did answer, against his will, he felt surprised. Back to proving he had a brain like a teenager... his mind pretty much just melted into a puddle of happy goo. Functioning was not in his best interests at the moment. Especially at the kiss. All systems failure. Like when the power died, and all you had were flashing red lights. The flashing red lights were the sirens saying his heart was not beating anymore. Or beating so fast his mind couldn't tell it was beating. One or the other. His usually slightly tense self, not noticeable but tense enough where he could tell, finally relaxed- a little bit, anyway, and he felt like he was a 3 year old that had just gotten a present. Overjoyed. Ecstatic. Unbelieving. Since words were obviously going to fail him, he moved on to the next joke he had to address. "I'll try. Not saying it's possible, though." He answered the first question she asked that he actually heard. He guessed there was something before that, but his mind refused to tell his voicebox what words to create. Since he was a self-proclaimed expert on almost dying, he was used to worrying. "Most likely, but he wouldn't eat me, so I don't have to worry about it." Leo said that with all the confidence in the world, took a look at Jaws, who was SMILING, and all confidence evaporated. "Tell your murder deer to stop looking at me like that." He wrinkled his nose. "You haven't seen her do anything because she's still young! She needs rest!" He retorted, huffing.

(How about both? xD

yeah, this is the only way to be safe lmao)

Lieutenant Dwyer

"Sooo, you've eaten both Corrupted and regular people, and can say with utmost certainty that they taste the same?" Glory questioned. She still believed that Corrupted tasted bad because they were Corrupted. "Oh, it's YOU who's singlehanded caused homelessness in birds!" She said, somewhere between cheerfully and accusatorily. "Okay, how about this- you get stuff from high places for me, and I do all the creeping around in small spaces," She offered. Cook had an ENTIRE shelf of food squirreled away that Glory hadn't been able to snoop around in because it was too high up, and she didn't want to move anything to get to it lest she get caught. "Eh, can't relate," Was all she said. Glory rather... well, liked wasn't the right word, but she was used to pain, and it felt weird to not be hurt in some way. "It's rude to ask a lady her age," She sniffed haughtily, "But, I'm no lady. 526." Glory wasn't usually what you'd call 'ladylike', but she had manners, and was capable of behaving like a regular person. Sometimes. She scowled at him and said, "No, real...ly going to slap you." Definitely not, and while her threats were usually not hollow and empty, any towards Leo were. She glanced up at him, not lifting her head from his shoulder, and saw that the lights were on, but nobody's home. She broke his brain a little. Wait, no, brain back online. "Nothing's impossible," She reminded him. If he was going to try not to worry about her, then Glory'd do the same for him. She'd just have to trust that he wouldn't go and get himself too badly injured again. "He might if I asked him very nicely to," She said, smiling almost innocently. Almost. Glory was hardly innocent, in any way, shape, or form. Frogs? Guilty. Poetry on the bathroom walls? Guilty. Swapping sugar for salt? Guilty. The list was endless. "I'll do no such thing - a cat can look at a king," She retorted. Even if she TRIED to tell Jaws not to look at Leo like that, Jaws'd do it anyway. "She's hardly 2 hours younger than Jaws!" She huffed indignantly. Hardly an age gap, and Jaws was already ready to take fingers off. Mori looked ready to sleep her life away.

(Both, of course xD)

-

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"NO. Why would I eat regular people? Fine, Corrupted may taste worse. I don't know. I try not to be a cannibal most days." He huffed, rolling his eyes. "Mhm, that was me. You're welcome." He said drily, shaking his head slightly. Glory had an interesting mind. "We have a deal! With your less than average height, we'll make a great team." He teased. "On that note, how's the weather down there? I've heard cooler, but that information may be wrong." Leo's eyes twinkled as he watched her. "I wish I was like you in that way, for sure. It'd be nice to grow numb to the pain." He snorted, then glanced out the window. If only. No more suffering. Kind of, anyway. He would have never had to worry about his father again if he had only acquired numbness to pain. "Last i checked, you were anything but a lady." He scoffed. "Even you know that. 526 sounds correct." He looked like he wanted to say something else, but didn't. "But I think you real...ly won't. You like me too much." He offered a sweet smile, a rather charming, sweet smile that lit up his whole face. "Some stuff is impossible. Not worrying about you would fall under that category." He commented, then let out a snort. "No such thing." He then repeated. "Sad. I don't like being STARED at like someone is going to MURDER ME." He aimed that at Jaws, who only looked sweeter and less innocent. "Okay, time is weird when I make them. Jaws is full grown, but when I made Mori, I created her to be an adolescent." He explained with a chuckle. At this last part, the tiny raptor awoke, blinked sleepily, rolled over, yawned, showing that her bright pink gums contained no teeth, and seemed to fall asleep again, this time laying upside down. Leo stared for a second before slowly looking at Glory. "Erm... maybe I should've named her Toothless." He joked lightly, a bit sheepishly. How was she supposed to rip throats out? At least she had claws. Something seemed to be nagging at his mind, and it REFUSED to flipping go away, so he quickly conjured the guitar. "Maybe I can get her to wake up with horrible singing." He mused, strumming a couple very quiet notes, as this song was mostly voice. "Love, is a burning thing. And it makes, a fiery ring. Bound, by wild desire. I feel into a ring of fire. I fell into a burning ring of fire, I went down down down, and the flames went higher. And it burns burns burns.... the ring of fire.. the ring of fire." Sure enough, Mori's head popped up, she let out a chirp, and sat up, staring at him. With a grin, Leo continued. "The taste, of love is sweet. When hearts, like ours meet. I fell for ya like a child. And ohhhh the fire went wild. I fell into a burning ring of fire. I went down down down, and the flames went higher. And it burns burns burns.. the ring of fire... the ring of fire. I fell into a burning ring of fire, I went down down down, and the flames went higher. And it burns burns burns.. the ring of fire... the ring of fire. And It burns burns burns.. the ring of fire, the ring of fire." His deeper singing voice was perfect for the song, and it seemed to come out amazingly, hitting every note, like he had been singing for years. Sounded like he should be on a short stool at a bar with the guitar in his lap, singing a lively country song and having everyone dancing to it. Mori cocked her head one way, her yellow eye staring at him, then the other way, the other eye staring. She then flicked her little tail, flopped back down in his lap, purring contentedly, and looked at him like he should continue. A second later, Leo glared at her. "No, I am NOT singing more. Be a deadly killer, not a cuddly little panda!" He huffed, making the raptor nudge him with her small snout, then chirp again.

Lieutenant Dwyer

"Hey, all you can do is try," Glory said, as though cannibalism was something that everyone wanted to do, but chose not to. "Thank you. Makes 'em easier to catch, so I don't have to work so hard for some fried chicken," She said, suppressing a laugh. She was supposed to be - or act - serious, the birds WERE hard to catch. She scowled at him as he had the audacity to call her ABOVE average height of 5'8 SHORT, and said, "Actually, it's warmed up since last week- I know how long it takes messengers to reach you up there." The short ones probably had to shout just to deliver their messages, and the thought had Glory trying to suppress a wry smile. "No, you don't," She said, "Apathy, once you fall into it, is a hard pit to dig yourself out of." There were a few years as a kid when Glory just...stopped caring. Nothing mattered, not the pain, the hunger, the sorrow. None of it. She felt nothing but a dull emptiness, and it took quite a while to get out of that feeling. Even now, there were times when she caught herself still feeling hollow. She looked at him questioningly as he spoke, ignoring his teasing, as it sounded like he stopped himself from saying more. "What?" She asked. She was 98% sure he wouldn't say something along the lines of 'you look that old'. "Y'know, you being right all the time is getting old," She huffed, trying to ignore his smile. He was ABSOLUTELY doing it on purpose. "That's why I asked you to try. You're hard not to worry about, too," She said fondly. "Oh come on, he's just happy!" She said cheerfully, stroking Jaws with one hand again. "So, is Mori going to get any bigger?" She asked. That probably wasn't necessary, if she was half as good a killer as Leo claimed. Not so, apparently. She laughed as Mori yawned and said, "See? Jaws it TOTALLY the better killer." Maybe if she actually had TEETH she'd live up to her name. Glory settled down against Leo further as he sang, his voice smooth and deep and perfect, as though he'd practiced this one quite a bit. "Not bad," She said as he finished. "Y'know, I know one, but I don't think you want to hear it." She was basically daring him to ask her about it, and while Glory could sing rather well, she wasn't all that well-versed in country music. The song was still hilarious just the same, though.

(Sorry that took so long, had to take a break from typing to eat, we got pizza :3)

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"Sure. Of course. Maybe tomorrow I'll go order some not Corrupted human meat, preferably the thigh, with a side dish of liver." He scoffed sarcastically. "Chicken's don't live in trees, Glory, and they're incredible easy to catch. You've been doing it wrong." He teased, smirking. "Oh yes, woe to me, for I have all the height in the world. Think I stole it from you." He commented with a cherry air to his words. He stayed silent for a few moments before a wry smile flashed onto his face. "Hanging around me must not be helping with that empty feeling, eh? I make you laugh everything out." He teased, but he understood the depth of that. His condition had probably been just as bad, if not worse, because it was rather unique. His father had a very specific major. An inflicter. The guy could inflict incredible amounts of pain on anyone. Through Leo's 12th year, he had grown numb to most things, and when he turned 13, even whipping didn't really do anything. One night, after Leo had been whipped, was bleeding heavily, and still dull as ever, his father had gotten extremely angry and used the power. That pain... Leo would never forget it. It seared through his very veins, Tearing apart each nerve piece by piece, stabbing daggers through his bones and twisting his mind. He remembered writhing on the floor and just screaming, not knowing what hit him, his vision black, but the pain still there. It didn't go away for days. Weeks later his body seemed to still be internally throbbing. After that, he had always felt pain, no matter how shut out he was. Even when he was unconscious, there was always a dull throb. That incident had definitely changed him. For the worse, in his opinion. It was one of the reasons why he rarely blacked out when in pain. Most people passed out after a certain level of pain, but he never did. "What what?" He glanced at her, then realized what she was asking. "Nothing! I didn't say a single thing!" He exclaimed with a huff. (I laughed at that- he was literally going to say that exact thing, realized it wasn't true and a little too over the edge, and didn't. I had that idea before I even wrote my piece. Of course you would know xD). "Nah, it isn't. I'm too good at it." He said smugly. Well, of course he was right! That was obvious. "I should be hard to worry about. I'm a Professional Almost-Dyer!" He sighed dramatically, but internally was just a young kid hopping around going: 'she worries about me too! I'm not the only one!' "Just happy.... and you're just insane?" Leo snorted. "Jaws is obviously evilly planning to eat me." He complained, then nodded. "A little. Maybe an inch or so. She doesn't need to be big to rip apart her victims." He paused. "If she had teeth." He grumbled. Maybe they'd grow in. He should've thought more specifically about that when making her. "He might be." Leo admitted woefully, looking down at the Itty bitty useless cuddler. "Not bad.. in Human Speak is awesome? Splendid? Astounding? Took your breath away good?" He asked with a grin. "If you know one, spurt it out before I shake it out of you!" Leo then exclaimed, poking her good shoulder. "Right away. Immediately. I'm not the only one that has to suffer at the claws of Mori."

Lieutenant Dwyer

"I meaannn... if you're hungry we could get the fresh stuff," Glory said, grinning mischievously. Of course, she wouldn't try that, even having to look at Corrupted was sickeningly infuriating. "My bad, fried CROW. Jeez," She huffed. Same thing, both were birds. And chickens COULD fly- she'd learned the hard way when she tried to catch one and it jumped and took flight. Not like a regular bird, but by golly that thing flew a good 50 feet. "Oh dùin do bheul," She huffed, using a phrase meaning "shut your mouth", pronounced as 'doo-in doh v-yool'. "Yeah, that's it. The empty feeling has just been me being out of breath all along," She said with a chuckle. Actually, he helped with the emptiness more than he'd ever realize. He helped her forget the pain, the dullness of the world. Darkness was great, but it was nice to see everything in light every now and again. She scowled at him and said, "Nuh-uh, you were gonna say I looked 526!" She huffed. (It's that intuition, I tell ya xD I could smell your intentions lol) "Yeah, TOO good. Stop it. You're only allowed to be right 5 times a day," She retorted. He'd gotten a raise from his previous twice-a-day limitations, as he was right - grrrr - he was good at being right. "Well, as long as you're not a Professional-Actually-Dyer," She said. There was nothing she'd be able to do to protect him if that were the case. That'd be quite the problem, and as long as he managed to only almost-die, then she could deal with that. "If I'm insane, then you are too," She said. He was equally as gleeful to torture a Corrupted, and had some pretty good/bad ideas for mental torment. "He is not!" She said firmly, Jaws having gone from smiling to glaring at Leo. If looks could kill, Jaws would have already one-upped Mori. "So, you've doomed her to be small AND defenseless?" Glory asked with a snort. At least Mori had claws, which was more than could be said about Jaws. She grinned rather smugly as he agreed that Jaws was better and said, "He IS." Jaws was totally the better killer, though a good Corrupted-Eating contest was definitely necessary. "Oh, you take my breath away all right," She purred affectionately. "Fine," She agreed, drawing a deep breath and trying not to laugh. "I saw the ugliest woman I ever did saw, face like a turnip and an underbit jaw. Inbred from inbreds who inbred again, if ugly was pretty then she'd be a 10. She was sooo dammnnn ugly," She sang in a light southern accent, and tripped over the last words a bit," soIgotdrunkandfuckedherinmytruck." She was doing all she could not to laugh at this point.

(What the hell in the name of that song I need to know RIGHT NOW xD))

-

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"Not hungry enough for that." Leo grimaced jokingly, then grinned, looking pridefully amused. "Ah, see, you do make mistakes. I never knew." He teased, chuckling. "Doo do doh vhool to you to?" He asked with a questioningly amused look. "I have a feeling it's something like wheesht." He commented with a grin. "Mhm! Just out of breath. With how fast you spew out insults, as well, it's going to be hard to breathe for a while. I'm surprised you still can." He stated with an amount of seriousness only an actor could achieve. He was quite good at his facial expressions and his emotions. Years of practice. "I was NOT!" He all but squeaked, indicating he definitely was. Switching tactics, he tried again. "I didn't because it wasn't true! And I like to joke about stuff that is actually true- makes it funnier. You look great now, although still a wee bit short." He managed to cram an almost apology, a compliment, and an insult into the one sentence. "Hey, you raised how many times I was allowed to be right! Amazing! Does this mean if I'm right more, it'll raise again?" He asked with a wide smile. "I'm not a PROFESSIONAL actually-dyer but I'm not saying I couldn't become one." He sniffed. "Of course I'm insane, haven't you learned that yet? I mean, I hang around you, so that has to count for something." He smiled sweetly, in a not so innocent way. "She will not be defenseless." He retorted. "Claws." He added with a huff. Hopefully a growth spurt would happen, or something. "I said he might be." Leo grumbled, casting a glare her way before continuing. "I'm glad my singing expertise is being put to some use." He had spent hours during the long nights when he couldn't sleep just strumming away, though only after he came to Libodon. If his father caught him with a guitar, he would be DEAD right now. As Glory started singing, his eyebrows raised. Ah, funny songs, eh? He could one up that. A snort of laughter escaped as she continued and the song twisted into a tale of what he would call humorous woe. "I can beat that." He started a lively tune with his guitar. "Stick em up everybody I'm robbin this place, put all of your money in my guitar case, don't nobody move and don't nobody reach for that door. Then a woman said why you're Johnny Cash and I said no ma'am I'm the Manhattan flash, the best bank robber. In all of new York." He quipped, grinning. Of course, he could one up THAT with A Boy Named Sue, but hey, save the best for last, right?

(It's called "I Saw the Ugliest Woman", it's by Roger from American Dad xD clicky)

Lieutenant Dwyer

"Right, because you ate all the tall people," Glory commented with a snort. "I don't. You just misunderstand. To me, every bird is chicken once it's cooked," She retorted. They all taste the same- what'd it matter whether you were eating crow or bluejay? "Dùin do bheul," She repeated, "Shut your mouth. There's also dùin do chab, which is 'shut your trap'." Glory liked to use them interchangeably, just to help keep people on their toes. "Oh please, I used to play the bagpipes, I can hold my breath for about 3 minutes," She snorted. Her poor bagpipes hadn't seen the light of day in quite a while, and she had a feeling she was more than rusty. She just blinked at him for a moment, trying to make sense of what he'd said. It was somehow an apology, compliment, and insult all at once. Brilliant. "Okay- first of all, you're forgiven. Second, thank you. Third, no longer forgiven," She said after a moment. "If you're not obnoxiously right, then yes," She relented. He could be right as much as he wanted so long as he wasn't unhelpfully right, no need for more of Captain Obvious. She winced slightly at his next words and said, "No, please don't." She might make good on her threats if he decided to try to be a Professional Actual-Dyer. "It does," She agreed. You had to be either crazy or stupid to hang out with Glory, let alone like her. "Right, because claws are as useful as teeth," She retorted. That's why wolves used their teeth instead of claws, which Glory learned the hard way. Then again, the wolf learned the hard way what happened when you messed with her, so they were even. She snorted at his goofy little song - two can play at that game. "Fine then," She said. "I love drinkin' and racin' and big ol' fat women, and Jesus is awesome, he rose on Thanksgivin'. I eat Funyuns and tater tots, kill squirrels with my guuun," She trailed off, her mind unhelpfully not providing any good rhymes. (The oldest surviving firearm, the Heilongjiang hand cannon, dates back to 1288 in China. Don't get upset at my word choice xD)