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Lieutenant Dwyer ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎ "Not if I have any say in it," Glory huffed, "You can die as long as it's not something stupid like a heart attack from too much goddamn bacon grease." That WASN'T living life to the fullest, it was living life to the fattest. - (You're welcome😌) - "Well now hold on, there's Muncher, from the 2021 new one, and there's Slimer from the original. Muncher's blue and fat and has six arms. Slimer's the classic gluttonous green blob boy," Glory said, "so which one we talkin' here?" ( Slimer vs Muncher) She was in fact not a total disappointment, Ghostbusters was just the last thing on her mind at the moment. "No. You. DON'T!" She barked at him, scowling. Luckily for him, his offense wasn't bad enough to warrent being called Don or Spike, but his humming pushed him from halfway there to two thirds of the way there. (oh my god that's great xD Poor old lady probably thought she was gonna die x3) "Well that's why FIREWORKS 'n shit were invented, so unqualified idiots could blast their fingers and faces off, and in the case of the big illegal ones, try to be the first person to exist across twenty acres simultaniously," Glory argued with a huff. "Well imagine you ain't gonna remember jack shit when you die so making life memorable is only good for the people around you to remember you buy," She countered, "besides, that's why single handed swords and hand-and-a-half swords were made." The latter were nice for the option to use it one handed or two-handed, so it could be used like a claymore or with a parrying dagger. "I CAN and I WILL if THAT'S what you want," She huffed dramatically, "Your yapping isn't doing diddlyfuck to keep me warm and happy." Well, it was doing the latter, just not the former. Glory tended to run cold anyway, so she was cool more often than warm. "Mhm. And often my bones trying to tell me I'm old at twenty-five," She snorted. Lucy continued on, trying to leap over a river but splashing down just before the other side in a way that made Glory think it was intentional; the dog could've EASILY cleared it, but by the looks of it, she just liked the water but didn't want to slow down too much by swimming the whole thing. The dog disappeared in a marshy thicket where the canopy grew so full and thick that Glory just barely caught glimpses of the ground below every now and again. She slowed a little, watching more closely for the dog, before spotting Lucy almost directly beneath herself in a place where the foliage thinned out a little. The dog kept on going, and Glory saw the white streak across her face as Lucy looked up breifly. |
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General Anubis AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs +++ "I'd LOVE to die eating bacon!" Leo protested. "That's not stupid! It's way better than dying of blood loss because you cut off your own hand when you COULD'VE just dislocated your thumb." He pointed out with a snort. That wasn't living your life to the fullest, that was suicide. "I was talking 'bout the tardigrade, Muncher, but now that I think about it, Slimer would work better. Plus, he's better overall." He mused. Slimer was more iconic, obviously held the trophy for worst looking, and loved junk food. Sounded perfect. "Yes I do." He insisted stubbornly, ignoring her scowl. If he was going to die, it would not be from bacon grease, it'd be from murder. (I didn't feel any remorse xD) "But you're NOT an unqualified idiot so don't act like one!" He groaned. This wasn't getting through to her. Maybe he should just let her cut off her hand. What the hell. "Yeah, and I don't want to remember you as the idiot who died because they cut their own hand off." He snorted. "Or the moron who thought cutting their hand off in the first place was a good idea. And as for the single handed swords, they aren't as fun." Leo huffed, shaking his head. "That's not what I want! I never said that!" He gave her a glare. "My yapping is not a blanket, Einstein, so I wouldn't EXPECT it to keep you warm. And it's partially your decision if it makes you happy or not." He sniffed indignantly. He was not the defective one here. "Like the quote: I'm at the age where my mind firmly believes I'm 24, my humor suggests I'm 13, and my body possibly died in the civil war?" He suggested with a grin. All of which were correct and wrong at the same time. He banked sideways slightly and twisted around to soar on his back for a couple moments, staring up at the blue sky. Empty nothingness as far as the eye could see one way, mountains the other, the sun the other, and then nothingness again. Leo rolled back around with a sigh of pain and boredom and wanting his life to be semi normal. Then again, if he was bored now, imagine if he had a normal life. Yeesh. He lifted his head to the wind and breathed in the breeze, smelling of fresh air and sunlight, if that made any sense. Now he wanted to go fishing. With a good pole and some crawfish for bait. - (Sorry it tis short, I gotta go skiing <3) |
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Lieutenant Dwyer ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎ "That IS stupid! It makes you look like the average five hundred pound american," Glory huffed, "And MAYBE my THUMB doesn't WANT to be dislocated." The thumb would get self concious at being singled out like that, so the keep the peace between fingers, she'd cut off her hand. "See? You're not allowed to be disappointed in me, Slimer's WAY better." Then again, Glory hated anything and everything new and modern, and remakes or sequels of old movies were a crime in her eyes. "Who died and gave you power?" She snorted unhappily. He most definitely did NOT get to decide when discussions were over. Nobody got to until an agreement was reached or someone was killed, them's the rules. (Good xD That's what she gets for eavesdropping lmfao) "Well maybe I AM, you don't know," Glory huffed. Nothing ever got through to her if she didn't want it too, and she certainly wasn't letting this thing through. "That's too damn bad, I'd be FINE anyway," She grumbled. "That's WHY people have two hands, one's a spare." "Oh well, I'll die anyway just to prove a point," She said airily, like people just died all the fuckin time and it was no big deal. Well, to her it wasn't a big deal. "No, but you WERE here keeping me warm and you just HAD to so RUDELY get up and ABANDON me, so now you have to deal with my unhappy ass," Glory grumbed, ignoring his last sentence. She'd never known happiness to be much a choice, but she did sort of have the kind of personality that drove out happiness. "Precisely," She agreed with a snort, "Though maybe more like The Hundred Years' War." Everything was sore from yesterday's travel, and every beat of her wings was painful in a way that was more annoying than anything else. Lucy showed no signs of even slowing down, let alone having run dozens of miles the day before. Lucky Lucy. The dog got to run as much as she wanted, got fresh venison, and lots of hands to pet her when they got back. Glory'd get a bottle of whiskey and a hangover. (pfft you're good, go skiing! ^^) |
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General Anubis AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs +++ "And THAT is offensive." Leo huffed. "Bacon is, like, my second favorite food. Don't blame me for wanting to taste something good before I die." He shook his head indignantly. "And MAYBE your HAND doesn't WANT to be CUT OFF." He countered with a snort, rolling his eyes. Why would she sacrifice everything instead of just the thumb? No fiddlestickin' sense. "Slimer is way better. Disappointment vaporized." He relented with a grin. She got him there. He hadn't really meant Muncher, but that was beside the point. That movie was much too new. The original was obviously the best. But the marshmallow scene in the third... or fourth... was HILARIOUS. "No one died, you made the stupid, baffling decision to make me your friend and now glorified boyfriend and that comes with ALL side effects that you have to deal with." He sniffed, wrinkling his nose slightly. HER fault. He could change the rules. It may take some begging and a smile or two, but hey, it was possible. Maybe not plausible, though. "People don't have spare ha- you know what, I give up. Arguing with you is like talking to an OPINIONATED BRICK WALL." Leo huffed. He could say the most logical and true thing in the world and she would counter it just to see his reaction. It was going to KILL HIM one day. Well, if everything else wasn't trying to kill him. His cause of death would more likely be stranglement, or dismemberment, or bleeding out, or stabbing, or shooting with an arrow, etc. "Please don't." He deadpanned, tail flicking in a disturbingly swift way for how heavy the literal spiked club was on the end. "I ABANDONED you so that I could get you FOOD, but it is my fault, I'm PLEADING with you, BEGGING you, PLEASE forgive me. I KNOW I DO NOT DESERVE IT, but it would be GREATLY APPRECIATED if you could find it in your heart to forgive me." He exclaimed dramatically, emphasizing each word more than need be. "The war that wages for centuries. The war that we don't even fight for ourselves. Yeah, that one. Sucks." He snorted. Every once in a while, it irked him that he could literally be on a beach somewhere drinking whiskey or beer, and Corrupted would never touch him again. But eh. Where's the fun in that? Sand was hot, anyway. He rolled his shoulders as he flew, wincing at the stab of pain in his rather injured one. He was sure, by the time he was dead, he would have more scarred skin than intact skin. He may be bordering on that now, but it wasn't SUPER horrible. Just... sort of. He zoned out for a couple moments before glancing at the ground as he searched for Lucy. Spotting her darting through the trees, he adjusted his trajectory slightly, wingtip dipping lazily down as he floated over to the side a little. Better not waste too much energy. He didn't have enough of it to give. |
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Lieutenant Dwyer ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎ "Fine fine, I can't blame you for THAT, but PLEASE tell my that if you get sentenced to death row, your requested final meal won't be just a fuckin plate of bacon," Glory said pointedly. Gotta have a good hearty meal that covers all the bases, not just one lousy dish. Or just ask for a bottle of whiskey. They probably won't provide it, though. "Well then why don't you just ask the damned thing, if it can choose whether it wants to stay or be cut off?" She countered grumpily. It was like a small infant- it didn't CHOOSE to be punted like a football or not; that was up to the punter. "Of course Slimer's better. Thank you," Glory said with a somewhat smug grin. Slimer would always be the best. "Glory-fied boyfriend," She snickered quietly. "I hope you understand that your new position poses more hazard to you than for me." Any side effects he thought Glory had to deal with were inficted back on him tenfold, unfortunately. "How DARE you compare me to a WALL," She exclaimed with the over-the-top offense of a high class british woman, "I'd MUCH prefer a goddamn POLE or something. Not a fuckin WALL. I know I make a better door than a window, but a WALL? Rude, Leo. Rude." By the end of her outburst, she was biting back a smug shit-eating grin. "Hmm, I think not. You'll have to ask nicer than that," Glory said plainly. Honestly, it may take a bit of convincing ever now and then to keep her alive. She was a pain in the ass that way. And a lot of other ways. "I don't know, I'll need to think on that one..." She said slowly, and after a moment seemed to make up her mind. "Oh alright, thou art forgiven for thine crimes. But ONLY because I find you to be amusing. And adorable." Otherwise, he'd be one very dead Leo. "A century. That's a hunnerd years," Glory snorted. "Though I only said The Hundred Years' War because it took place from 1337 to 1453 - long before the Civil War, if you couldn't tell. Some days I feel like a goddamn fossil; ready to just be put in a museum." Mayyybe Glory was a bit of a history nerd, but why wouldn't you when history was full of people getting stabbed, murdered, poisoned, buldgeoned, beaten, battered, pulverized... it was great. (Tis very late, I am very tired, and thus I stoppeth here. Were it morning I'd write more, but alas, I shant tonight.) |
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General Anubis AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs +++ "No shit, Sherlock." Leo rolled his eyes. "I may not be EINSTEIN but I would NEVER request just a plate of bacon for my last meal. I'd request the whole damn breakfast and then some. Spaghetti, waffles, bacon, sausage, eggs, syrup, venison- specifically the tenderloins, steak, ham, and possibly more that isn't coming off of the top of my head. I would then eat some of all of it to taste everything amazing so that I can be full and happy before I die." He explained cheerfully. Obviously, he'd need a bite of every good food to have ever been made. Maybe some hamburger helper, too. "It can't answer. It's a THUMB." He replied with a snort. "I've tried talking to my appendages and they've cut all ties with me." He inclined his head solemnly. "You are so very welcome and correct, dear maiden." Slimer was the best, no one could deny that. Especially since he was a ganster that just age a lot of food. And was practically harmless, usually. "Yes, I do understand that, but you will feel SOME of the side effects BEFORE they are amplified and turned back on me." He huffed. He may not be dangerous like SHE was, but he needed something. "Oh YEAAHHHHHHH because a POLE is so much more GRACEFUL AND DEADLY than a WALL. HOW DARE I." He responded, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Maybe I should compare you to a WHOLE FUCKIN' BUILDING THEN. Would that be more accurate? POLES, WALLS, WINDOWS AND ALLS." Leo huffed dramatically. Now she couldn't COMPLAIN about what he was coparing her to because he was comparing her to it ALL. "Let me put it this way. Very simple. You die, we never see each other again. Possibly. So don't die." He said in a clipped tone. "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww thank you! How sweet and gracious and merciful." He teased with a grin. "I'm glad you find me amusing and adorable. I'm trying for one of those, so I'm accomplishing my goals." "I KNOW that I was EXAGGERATING. SOmething I do quite a lot. And I could tell that was long before the civil war, I'm not a History Major like you are but I know the Civil War started on April 12th, 1861. That's kinda big important thing to remember." Leo snorted. He probably would've gone for the Revolutionary War if he had thought about it, but hey, what was done, was done. "Fossil or not, you still LOOK alive." He said cheerfully. "If I still bleed red then I'm still a'chuggin' along." That was his fix for pretty much everything. Cut em open, if they still have red blood spurting through their veins, they are very much alive. No more of this pulse shit. SO non-violent. You know the hearts working if the blood is pumping. |
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Lieutenant Dwyer ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎ Glory nodded thoughtfully as he listed inarguably the BEST foods to have ever been consumed. One sad thing popped into her head though. "Depends on the state, but some limit the cost of your final meal. I think Texas is like forty bucks.* So unless they're shopping in the clearance aisle for food about to expire, I don't know if you can get all that." (* It is.) "If they've cut ties with you, I think it's fair to cut ties with them!" She protested, "just... ties of flesh and bone." That seemed plenty fair. Buuut Glory also had sort of fucked up morals, so what was utterly inhumane and vile to most was perfectly fair to her. "Hm, true, I guess. As long as you understand this is a high risk, unknown reward investment," Glory said with a snort. Could by high risk, high reward, or high risk, low reward. Hard to say. "Well how the FUCK is a WALL GRACEFUL or DEADLY? A pole can be used to whack people! Besides, I meant more that walls are REALLY FUCKIN WIDE and I most certainly am NOT," She huffed. She wasn't anywhere close to even RESEMBLING wide. "NO! That's worse, ya foopid stool! How dare you!" Glory barked. That was just disre-fuckin-spectful. It was dastardly. "Okay, true, MAYBE," She said, "BUT I told you to ask nicely. Did someone never learn to do that?" Now, Glory could say that because contrary to popular belief, she CAN ask nicely, AND can be something resembling nice. "Gracious and merciful? Yes. But I'm definitely not sweet. I'm far too salty for that." And sour, but who cares. "Lemme guess, you're trying for amusing and the adorableness just comes naturally," She said, though honestly it could go either way. He was probably both and just refused to believe it. "Ohhmygod I KNOW you exaggerate a LOT," Glory said, grinning a little. "Wooow, well done, you remembered something!" She teased with a snicker. "Oh gee thanks. Not "you look pretty" or something NICE, but I LOOK ALIVE. IMAGINE THAT," She huffed, but fair enough. She was too goddamn battered and bloodied for you look pretty to not be a lie. "Uh-huh. What if you bleed blue?" She asked as though she was in fact bleeding blue. Maybe if one was colorblind, sure. Refocusing on Lucy down below, it dawned on Glory that this stretch of forest looked familiar. Like a road driven once or twice. They were getting close, thankfully, and the sun was only mostly annoying and trying to be blinding. It was bearable, at least. And the dog seemed no closer to slowing than she did standing on her hind legs and dancing the macarena. |
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General Anubis AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs +++ "Don't hurt me like that, Glory. I'll just have to go die in a state that DOESN'T limit your food." Leo huffed. He would literally drag himself halfway across the continent with one leg and half an eyeball if it meant he got to have whatever he damnwell wanted as a last meal. "I'm still going to USE it I just can't TALK to it." He pointed out. They had pissed him off, yes, but he was going to make them pay by putting them through hell every day. Cutting his appendages off would be a blessing to them, not him. "It's not unknown reward." He smiled brightly. "I've already gotten everything I could ever want, so do your worst. My reward is just being near you." As long as she didn't say she hated him and leave, he would be perfectly fine. Maybe a bit offended, but fine. As long as he was near her poisonous black ooze, he would be happy. "WALLS ARE ALSO REALLY FUCKIN STUBBORN and you ARE." He waved a hand with a snort. "How dare I? I can't get anything right, huh?! I'm not a WALL, I'm a POLE. I am MUCH too skinny to be a WALL. On that hand, I am ALSO not a HOUSE because that is TOO MUCH. HOW DARE YOU try. HURUMPH." He squeaked in a high pitched voice, like hers but way more shrill and annoying, just to spite her. A grin flitted onto his face immediately afterwards. His voicebox really could work wonders, if he could ay so himself. From a deep baritone border bass to Ariana Grande. "I can ask nicely, but it never works with you." He scoffed, shaking his head. He could plead with all the grace and kindness of a fucking PRIEST, she'd most likely just laugh at him. "Good guess." He flashed a smug smile. "I don't have to TRY to be adorable. It totally comes naturally." DEFINITELY a lie considering he was NOT adorable. Adorable was a puppy or a kitten. He was handsome. There was a difference. An extremely big one. "Without exaggeration I'd be NOTHING. BORING. USELESS. HORRID. I would make T-SHIRTS for a living and eat RAMEN NOODLES EVERY NIGHT. I would LIVE IN AN APARTMENT and it would only have THREE ROOMS. None of them would be decorated." His voice dipped to a whisper at the end, eyes wide. Dramatic was his PERSONALITY. "You said yourself that you don't like meaningless compliments like that!" He threw her an injured look. "I thought 'you're alive' might ring more strongly with you, but I guess I can't do anything right." He sighed heavily, woefully. Like a golden retriever that lost its ball in a lake and was dragged away by its owner because it was time to leave. "If you bleed blue, you're an alien and no one cares if you die." He teased. "You still may be an alien but last time I checked, YOU bleed red." He flicked his ear as he scanned the forest, sharp eyes narrowing. It was almost recognizeable, like a place you went once a couple months ago, and vaguely remember. Like de-ja-vu maybe. He twisted his head around to look at the whole forest, then at where the sun was. Almost 4 o'clock already. |
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Lieutenant Dwyer ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎ "I think all of them do... forty bucks is the highest I know of. Oklahoma's either fifteen or twenty-five, I don't remember exactly," Glory said, a bit sadly. "Let's see... Florida's forty..." A longer pause as she thought about it harder. "Texas doesn't do final meal requests anymore, actually," She said it slowly, trying to put words to things she'd read a while back, "becau-use in, oh, 2011 or 2012 some guy asked for some big elaborate feast and then didn't eat any of it." This was true; in september of 2011, Lawrence Russel Brewer wanted something big and extravagant, got it, and then didn't touch it. Then some state senator complained about it, and it ulitimately resulted in nobody getting a final meal request. Classic example of some fuckwad ruining something for everyone else. "Who says you can't? You can talk to anything, just some things won't talk back," Glory countered. She may or may not talk to lots of things, like yelling at the table which so rudely got in the way of her foot whilst walking and resulted in much pain. She gave him a bemused look and said, "That's your idea of a reward? GodDAMN you have low standards. Buuut I'll take that over the old drunk dude that offered me twenty bucks to, and I quote, show him my tiddies." She did leave twenty dollars poorer than she could've, but with no less dignity. And a bit of blood on her knuckles. "There ya go, now you've got it!" Glory said after wincing at his terrible impression of herself. Though in his defense, she WAS rather hard on him for no apparent reason, but that was kinda just her personality. Agressive paired with perfectionism was a pretty mad combo. "Yeah yeah, whatever. Just be glad I'm not a... a whatchamacallit, a dommy mommy making you beg," She snorted. "Uh-huh. You'd better be careful sayin shit like that, I might start to suspect you're a femboy," She said with a smug, shit-eating grin. He was adorable sometimes; he was handsome all the time. "Oh alright fair enough, I guess you need to be big and dramatic to match your big dramatic stature," She teased. It made sense though; if he was some shy, quiet nerd, it would NOT fit at ALL. Like a lion afraid of its own shadow. "Oh you poor thing. You're right, I don't," She said, a strange mix of amusement, pity, and affection in her voice, "but come on, I KNOW I'm alive. I think." Maybe not. You never know, maybe everybody's dead and they just don't know it. "If I bleed blue, I'm an alien and YOU'D care if I died," Glory said, then added, "again." He cared about the first time and he wasn't even there, didn't even know about until 4 years later. As they carried on, the landscape grew increasingly familiar, until Glory was almost certain she could make up the sillhouette of the academy in the red haze of the approaching sunset. Maybe her eyes were playing tricks on her, maybe not. Hard to say. |
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(I realize now that this is easily one of, if not THE most unhinged posts I've made so far. My condolences) |
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Sunny
