Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Pretty much," Glory giggled. Maybe not ALL the way to cloud 9, as Leo'd said, but almost. A few more shots and it'd go from sappy shit to propaganda and completely incoherent shit, like Joe Biden is buried in my backyard after snorting cocaine off the back of a zebra in the civil war of 1812. Random ass nonsense. She shook her head ans said simply, "Just buy what you can afford." That ought to go on a WALL. Right next to a Live Laugh Love sign. Still, that was PHILOSOPHICAL. "Sure it is! That's why you can pay people with a vacation," Glory countered. For being tipsy as she was, that was a pretty sound argument. "Can you gimme a hint?" She asked sweetly, giving him puppy-dog eyes. Glory was TERRIBLE with surprises if she knew SOMETHING was coming. You had to keep every little thing a total secret, or she'd hound you until you gave in and spilled the beans. "Hmm, must be difficult," She teased. She hardly even tried to contain her laugh at the kidney joke, and downed another shot. She nodded in agreement that he could go again, and the chuiahaha joke was somehow funnier than the last on. Glory found herself giggling uncontrollably like a kid doing something they're not supposed to, and it took a solid minute to calm down enough to think. (I had to call my sister over to tell her that joke, thank you xD) She managed to put on a sad face and said, "I started crying while my dad was cutting onions. Onions was a good dog."

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"I'm seriously worried about you." Leo responded teasingly at her maniacal giggling. Who didn't love alcohol. "REALLY. Well I was PLANNING on buying the most EXPENSIVE thing on the board when I had 100 BUCKS, but now I won't thanks to YOUR ADVICE." He poured as much dramatic sarcasm into his voice as he possibly could. "Oh sure." He snorted, rolling his eyes. "NO. No hints. Actually, sure." He stated. "It has something to do with the first time we 'fought'." That was all he was gonna give her. He knew he could withstand her yapping as she tried to figure out what it was, so he'd leave her with that tantalizing piece of information. His grin grew wider at her uncontrolled giggling and laughter, shaking his head. Nothing made him happier than seeing her happy and amused. (You're welcome xD) His face contorted before he finally snickered out a cough at her joke. "Damn. That's cruel." He wheezed, grabbing a shot and downing it with a huff. Holy craaaap. He felt any filter he had starting to slip. "Good lord. I hope I don't accidentally tell you what the thing is." He snorted. "My brain just offered me the damn WORST FUCKING DARK JOKE and we're going with it. What starts with M and ends with arriage and is a man's favorite thing?" He paused with an innocent smile. "Misscarriage. This joke never gets old. Just like the baby." Yep, he had totally let go.

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"I am PERFECTLY fiiine," Glory said slwoly for dramatic effect. Better than fine, one might argue. "You're welcome, now you might actually win," She said, grinning, completely ignoring the sarcasm. Or just missing it. Could be either. She thought long and hard at the hint, her mind first going to the pillow fight, partly because she assumed it had to do with the fact that was when he'd first kissed her, then realized there was the duel before that. When she'd said when are you free for an ass-whooping, hotshot? Other than that, her brain was do busy running circles and hootin' and hollerin' to be of much use. "Is that all the hints I get?" Glory asked. She'd just pester him either until the week was up or until he gave her a USEFUL hint. "I hope you do," She giggled. She'd simply DIE of suspense otherwise. She looked at him real solemn like... unnntil he said the joke. Then all semblence of seriousness was lost, and between giggles she whined, "Stoooop laughing huuurts." It was fuckin worth it though. Never wouldn't be. She sighed, downed her shot, and mentally prepared herself for the whopper she'd been saving. "Okay... here's my grand finale, in the form of a limeryck," She said, drew a deep breath, and continued. "There once was a man named Dave / Who dug up a prostitute's grave / She was moldy as shit / And missing a tit / But think of the money he saved!"

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Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"You'll be fiiine," Glory chirped. Even if [when] he lost, it'd be fine because it was all fuckin hilarious. "Nooo you're so meeaan," She whined. "How big is VEERRRRRYYY big? And if I guess, will you at least tell me hot or cold?" Even in her lack-of-logic, that made okayish sense; her need to know could be somewhat satisfied without actually knowing, and he didn't have to say yes or no. "Liiiike... very bad or VERY bad?" She asked solemnly, with all the tone and demeanor of a small child. When Glory had alcohol, you never knew wether you'd get something cute and sweet, aggressive and violent, or paranoid and convinced everyone was evil. By luck of the draw, they'd gotten the first option. Leo's reaction to her terrible poem only made her laugh more, and she hadn't even had a chance to calm down and breathe before he'd delivered his, and after damn near running out of oxygen, Glory started to catch her breath enough to inhale, but trying to put together a coherent sentence was out of the question entirely. "Oh my god," She half wheezed, half whispered. "Do I gotta do another two shots for that?" She asked after a moment. By the rules of the game, yes, but Glory wasn't sure how much more she could drink and still remember how to actually play Monopoly.

"I won't be fiiiiiiine my drunk pride will be shot." Leo huffed. "My sober pride will still be intact, though. Totally two different people." He grinned in a lopsided way. Yeaahhh, he had lost count of the shots by now. His brain was blurry and he felt like he was floating and he couldn't feel pain and he fucking loved alcohol. "VEERRRRRYYY big is, like, of colassal measures. It'll completely ruin the whole thing." he replied with a dramatic flair. "unlikely. You can guess, suuuuure, but I don't wanna give anythin' away." He mused. "It won't even work if you have a hint to what it is..." That would be baaaaad. "VERY bad." He stated firmly with a slight lilt to his tone. "Veeeeeeeeerrrrrryyyyyy bad." He added with a slight wrinkle of his nose. As she started laughing her brains out he grinned like a maniac until his cheeks started aching and he felt like his face was ripping open. "Only one. The last one was a courtesy of me." He drawled, gesturing towards Monopoly. "I think now is the opportune time to start... we're both relatively braindead..." In his case, he was going into the slow southern drawly phase, where he registered words then lost them again then realized what had been said and tried to fix his wrong answer. That kind of thing.

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Sober pride's th'only one that matters," Glory said. Who cared if one's drunk pride got gobbledygooked? That was the POINT of drunk pride. Hurting your drunk pride was how you balanced out all the liquid courage you consumed. She was about to ask if colossal big was the same as blue-whale big, for whatever reason, when the sencond sentence registered. "Huh. Well I don't wanna do THAT," She said solemnly. If there was one thing she liked less than being only vaguely aware of a surprise, it was ruining the surprise. "Okaaaay. No point in guessin if I don't get nothin," She said reluctantly. "Ohhh, I see," She said as though she'd just been let in on a big secret, "Veeeeeeeeerrrrrryyyyyy bad." That sounded veeeeeeeeerrrrrryyyyyy bad. Like, really terribly awfully bad. "That works," Glory said, and grabbed whatever - she wasn't sure she could really tell them apart now anyway - and downed her share. Raise Your Spirits was a great game because it got harder and funnier the further along you got. She nodded in agreement, moved the cat token to Go, and asked, "Which one do you want? There's the boat... the shoe... the hat... the rubber ducky... and roadrash." She pointed sort of generally at each one as she said it. Roadrash was the name for the dog, as Glory found it amusing to tip it backward so its ass dragged across the board while half singing roadrash, roadrash, roadrash. (Actually what my brother does, and has for at least 12 years xD)

"Yeaahhhh. That's why I will be fine. Contradictory to what I formerly said, I've hd a mood swing and I now do not care if my drunk pride gets hurt." Leo joked, grinning slightly. Not EXACTLY a full joke... he had kinda changed his mind. He was good at that when he was drunk. "no, you don't. It's an amazing surprise that would hate to get ruined." He stated with a straight face. "It would be absolutely horrifying for me, considering I've spent literal weeks thinking this up. The whatever the fuck I want only aids and revolves around what had already been my idea." He mused. "So you can't mess this up. It'll be weeks worth of work wasted." Damn, that was a tongue twister. He could barely say weeks worth of work. That was a problem, honestly. He chuckled quietly at himself. Life is fun. "Exactly. Yes, Veeeeeeeeerrrrrryyyyyy bad." Leo nodded slowly, his voice drawing it out even more, to the point where it was a slooowwwww word. He felt like a tortoise. Not a turtle. A fucking tortoise. "I feel like a frigging rubber ducky right now, so let's go with that one." He snorted heartily, suddenly remembering that they were really just going in circles with the whole Veeeeeeeeerrrrrryyyyyy bad thing but ignoring it. "You go first?" He offered, staring at the board like it would give him the secrets to life. (That is fricking hilarious xD)

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Mhm. So... I was right, like usual," Glory said, grinning. That was about all she got out of that sentence. "Ohh, well then I REALLY don't wanna do that," She said, "buuuut since you DID say I can guess.... you're gonna take me somewhere romantic and secluded.... and then kill me and chop me up into little itty mitty pieces and make me into a pie or perhaps a stew," She said, as though this were the most normal thing in the world and not MURDER. That was pretty much Glory for ya, even sober Glory. "Ohhhh. So... very bad isn't good... so we DON'T want that to happen," She said as though this were a confusing concept. In her defense, EVERYTHING was either confusing or hilarious right now, and even drunk Glory understood that veeerrrrrryyyy bad was no laughing matter. "S'long as you don't LOOK like a rubber ducky," She said, before erupting into giggles as though this was just the funniest thing ever. "I'll go first," Glory agreed, nodding. Now, to save us from twenty pages of dice rolls and more bad drunk jokes, I'll put it this way; it was not looking good for Glory in the slightest. Right off the bat she landed on Income Tax, lost money, then landed on Chance, got a Go Straight to Jail card, couldn't roll doubles three times and had to pay $50 to get out, landed on Community Chest and had to pay Leo $15 dollars because apparently she got second place in a beauty contest, then finally got halfway 'round the board, landed on Go To Jail, STILL couldn't roll doubles for shit, payed another fifty. On her second attempt past the policeman, she did make it, then landed on Luxury Tax and basically didn't get anything from passing Go, then SOMEHOW landed on Income Tax again, and was now down to $1075 with one or two properties. Then the policeman sent the cat to jail AGAIN, and STILL the doubles evaded her, bringing her total money down to $1025. Then she THOUGHT her luck was looking up and had rolled enough to land on Boardwalk, but NOOOoo, a recount [or rather three, counting was hard] said that it actually put her on FUCKING LUXURY TAX again. Now at $925, passing Go didn't even help much, as she landed on Community Chest and got sent to jail again. All in all, the cat went to jail about 7 times [hard to say given the difficulties of numbers] and Glory ended up entirely broke without even an empty field to show for it. (Based on a true story. Cat was a jailbird haha)

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"Like usual. Yeaaahhhh right." Leo snorted. "Believe what you want, Schatz." Pfft. Usually right his ass. They were both usually WRONG. Then again, she was right more than him, so who was he to be speaking. "I thought you said guessing wasn't worth it?" He asked with an incredulous look, then an eyebrow raised. "... suuuuure. That's deeeeefinitely what I was planning. Howwwwww could you have eeeeeverrrrrr guesssssed." He drawled, voice thick with sarcasm. A couple seconds later he remembered she may not be REGISTERING sarcasm right now and he paused. "... uh... just to make it very clear... that's not what I have planned. No pie or stew or Itty bitty pieces of Glory." He added slowly. That would be very bad if that's what she actually believed. He couldn't tell with drunk Glory. Drunkish. He couldn't even tell with himself. He didn't even remember what the fuck was happening. Blinking, Leo put his head back in the game, focusing. "No, we DON'T want that to happen." He replied slowly, emphasizing on the word DON'T. "That would be VERY bad." Leo reiterated. He made a face as she spoke and erupted into giggles. "I don't think you'll have to worry about that." He commented drily. That probably wouldn't be a problem. Probably. Depending on how drunk he got. Now, since you skipped through the entire Game, I'll also summarize. Leo ended up drinking more, because why the fuck not, he made some poor life decisions, he ended up buying almost everything on the board and going practically bankrupt before Glory landed on one of his biggest plots when she WASN'T in jail and the game turned in his favor. He got the money in the middle multiple times and by the time the game finished, he had upwards of 2,000 bucks and practically the entire board. When Glory finally went bankrupt, he let out a victorious hoot and grinned with all the smug arrogance of a drunkard that won a game he knew he wasn't going to win but won anyway. Tadaaa! "Lookie there! I accomplished the impossible! Vanquished the foe. Conquered the dragon. I hath won thine game of Monopoly and you now oweth me 24 for hours of slavery!" He said with a teasing tone in his voice, waving his money under her nose. "Hehehe. And you were so confident." He chortled, yes, CHORTLED, like a maniacal witch.