Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"I'll believe what's right, and what's right is me!" Glory chirped happily. It was a very childish way to put it, but such was docile drunk Glory. "Nuh-uh," She said, though even SHE knew that was what she said. She just stared at him oddly intensely for a moment, trying do decide whether he really WAS being sarcastic, and was very thankful when he clarified. "Okay, uh... how about medium pieces in a soup?" She asked. Still definitely far off, though she didn't exactly see it that way. No, because medium pieces of Glory in a soup was WAY different from itty bitty pieces in a pie or perhaps a stew. "Oh-kayyy, so, since it's SO. TERRIBLE. You can keep your secrets," She said slowly, deliberately, in the tone one might said fine, be that way though not exactly intended that way. "Good," She giggled, "And don't gotta worry 'bout SOUNDING like a rubber ducky?" Now, if she'd had a little bit more to drink, she'd probably go ranting about how people shouldn't sound like ducks, or look like ducks, and the government WAS MADE OF DUCKS or something similar. For now, though, all was well. That was, until she DID have some more while trying to get outta jail. THEN she started accusing the Monopoly Man of doing this on purpose. Leo, however, was somehow safe from her witch-hunt-esque accusations. "You did, and I guess I do," Glory sighed, but only after a solid two-minute stare at the board, trying to understand how she'd lost so badly. "Tha's the problem, confid'nce is baaad for business," She said, then asked, in her best medieval peasant voice, "What is thine will, sire?" Sire, if written phonetically, would be something like Siyah, and a bit slurred around the edged. She'd take the loss, and Mr Monopoly would take the blame, that was the deal. That mustachioed bastard looked so cheerful in all his 2-Dness, like he KNEW what he did, because he DID. It was INTENTIONAL.

(I dunno why but I'm laughing so frigging hard as if I'm the one drinking not them xD)

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General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

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"That's called your opinion, Glory." Leo pointed out flatly, making a face. "But you are right a lot." There he went, changing his mind again. He felt like he should be trying to use his brain until he realized he had killed it when his liver died. Oh well. "No, not medium sized pieces in a soup, either. I'm not going to injure you in any way shape or form." He huffed. "Me thinks tis be a good idea if you stop guessing." He suggested. At least she learnt somethin', right? She wouldn't be getting murdered! He totally ruined the surprise. She should be thankful she knew he didn't lie To her. That would be funny. Here comes the big day. Him with a knife: SURPRISE! I was just joking. Hehe. "Good. I like keeping my secrets." He looked rather content now. He didn't have to worry about giving it away. Maybe getting drunk waaaasn't the best idea. But he couldn't feel pain! Totally worth it. Except for the fact he was thinking like a child, but pfft. Details details. "I might SOUND like a rubber ducky if I laugh hard enough." He joked with a grin. Then, after a second, remembered she didn't really GET jokes at the moment, and had to reiterate. "... that was a joke, just so you know. I don't normally squeak. Or... do I? I'm not quite sure anymore." More chuckling. Some part of him really did feel bad for his liver.

"Mhm." He chirped, looking mighty damn pleased as he harbored the information that he had actually won. "It wadn't bad for my business." He pointed out with an almost evil giggle. "Thine first act as my honored servant shall be to keep me from drinking any more. I am quite worried that the hangover tomorrow will make this trip noteth wortheth iteth." He snorted, blinking again as he contemplated life for a moment.

(Me too xD I'm over here just about giggling and kicking my feet xD)

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Nuh-uh, fake news," Glory argued, "If I'M right, then I'll believe ME." There was SOME small nugget of logic buried in there, she just wasn't sure whether it was a gold nugget or a chicken nugget. "Oh," She said, all guesses exhausted. "We-ellll, if you're quick it won't hurt." GREAT logic, well done. And while yes, if he WAS quick it WOULDN'T hurt, it'd still result in, y'know, DEATH. And while death didn't hurt - she knew this with an inarguable finality - it'd still hurt HIM... though he'd only said GLORY wouldn't get hurt. Hmm. "Well ME thinks that's BORING," She said, almost haughtily. No, she was gonna keep guessing. That was half the fun. The other, bigger half was the alcohol, but that wasn't important. Glory GUESSED he was joking based on the delivery and the grin, but again was thankful for the clarification. "Ohhh. No I don't think you do," She said, smiling. Definitely not, but like the numbers, thoughts slipped away all the easily.

"Lucky you. Guess that makes you a lucky ducky," She said solemnly at first, then giggled again. Lucky ducky. Duckly uckly. Ulcky Dulcky. It took a moment to forget about the ducks and then translate his words, and one could just about hear the gears turning in her head, but she got it eventually. "Your wish is my command," Glory said, and then proceeded to chant 'wishy wishy woo wishy wishy wee' with little rhyme or reason under her breath while corking and capping bottles. With that admittedly somewhat difficult task done, she put them all in the big bottom drawer of her desk and was about to lock it and had the first coherent thought of the night. If she locked it, Glory'd totally forget where she put the bottles. So she scrawled, barely legibly, THAT GOOD STUFF INSIDE on a piece of paper and stuffed it partway into the gap between that drawer and the one above it. Only then did she close it all the way and lock it. Satisfied with her handiwork, she made her way to Leo, swaying a little as she did so, and curled up in his lap before asking, "Can thou announce bed time, siyah?"

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

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"Okkkkay then. I ain't about to argue with the drunk lady." Leo snorted in amusement. If he couldn't win an argument with sober Glory, then he'd fail MIRACULOUSLY with drunk Glory. Drunk-ish, anyway. "... let me re-think that for a moment. I am not going to kill you, hurt you, hurt me, kill me, or do anything like that to anyone. Understood?" He focused his gaze on her with an intense stare. That would be baaaad. She'd likely sacrifice herself or something. Yeesh. That would REALLY ruin the surprise. Like, really really. In massive, unfathomable ways. Although it MIGHT not hurt her, it would hurt him, and he didn't wanna do that either. "Well that guess was the MOST wrong thing you could've EVER guessed so MAYBE your other guesses with be JUST AS BAD." He huffed. Then they'd have to get into an hour long discussion on the fact that he was indeed not murdering anyone. To her disappointment, probably. "That's good. I never really wanted to squeak." He snorted. That just didn't sound like a very dignified sound. (How the actual fuck are they having this conversation XD)

.

"Well we know who's more drunk." He thought he thought but he actually mumbled it as he made a face, watching her just dissolve into giggles, like a 4 year old girl. He watched her with a SLIGHTLY concerned look as she went about mumbling nonsense and putting the alcohol away- definitely a good thing. At this point, the fuzziness in his head was starting to grow thicker, signaling the next stage. Pure dopey exhaustion. Or maybe not exhaustion, but he felt like eeeeeeverything in his body was slowing down tenfold, like a bear in hibernation. His mind registered that Glory DEFINITELY wasn't walking in a straight line before she plopped into his lap. "Me thinks you're gonna pass out reaaaaal quick, either from the alcohol or smacking your head on something when you fall over, so definitely now." He mused, not really able to tell how fast or slow he said that. It felt like an okay pace, but for all he knew, he could've been talking like a tortoise. He technically had been, as it was slower than he thought. Like, every word had to have its own 2 second bubble around it. As his brain caught up, he glanced slowly at the bed, being enough in his right mind that he decided he should check for weapons before plopping down and getting stabbed in the behind. That would be bad for both of them. No one wanted to get stabbed. And you never knew who it would be. It was like Russian roulette. "I don't reaaally trust you to walk." He finally commented, working his arms underneath her and picking her up as he stood as well- only then did his mind point out the slight problem that he couldn't walk in a straight line either and it would be even harder carrying her, but he ignored that. Details details. He moved to the bed with delightful accuracy and did a quick scan for pointy objects before setting her down.

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Smart move," Glory said smugly. If she was argumentative when sober, she was MUCH worse when she'd been drinking. She nodded slowly while he spoke, thought a moment, was about to guess another god-knows-what, realized that it'd already been covered in the Absolutely Nots, thought some more. Then she got a GREAT idea and said, "You're going to get Lucy a skateboard so she doesn't have to run?" Glory herself wasn't even entirely sure where that came from, but she wasn't inclined to care. "Nuh-uh!" She huffed, "ALL my guesses are GREAT." They most assuredly were not anything remotely close to great. Maybe mediocre-but-still-in-the-realm-of-possibility but-just-barely. "I see.... we-elllll... if you DID that's why helium was invented," Glory said. For once she was sorta right. (I don't know either xD I think we're just too chaotic together lmao)

"Mm. Your jokes were better and I'm smaller," She said, rather senseibly. He was, in terms of weight, nearly twice her size [probably 1.7x] and had had a few less pre-monopoly shots. Of course it was gonna hit Glory harder, though a part of that mayyy be the random mix of who-knows-what she'd had. Not eating before the games certainly didn't help either of them, though. "That sounds like a graaand idea, siyah," She said with a happy sigh. According to the clock on the wall [though Glory paid it no mind] it was past midnight, nearing 1am already. Definitely bedtime. Lucy agreed; she'd fallen asleep on Glory's bed ages ago. Apparently all the running finally caught up to her. "I can walk just fine," She mumbled, but made no objections to being picked up. She giggled a little drowsily when he set her down and said, "Been a loooong time since I've been carried to bed." Around two decades, actually. So yes, a loooong time. Lucy's ears swivelled around a little, but she didn't lift her head. "Hey doggy," Glory mumbled, petting the 'doggy' in long, slow strokes, "you look tiiired." An excellent observation. Wow. Yes, the dog was tired. And so was Glory.

General Anubis

AKA: Drunk Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"I know. Surprising that I'd make smart moves right now." He mused, brain wandering into the pondering of life and life. Or maybe just life. Life with a cherry on top. If life was a human it'd be a drug addict. Likely Cocaine. He should try and draw life. Oo, and Glory, because why the fuck not. He PROBABLY shouldn't do that while he's drunk, though. The life would likely turn out better, but the Glory... likely not so much. He was taken aback by her next words, peering at her like he was trying to figure out if he was hallucinating or not. Finally she was rewarded with a "Huh?" And a confused look. A couple seconds later his brain had revolved one turn. "Uh... skateboards aren't powered vehicles. However funny that would be..." He trailed off. What was he going to say? He didn't really remember. Something about how it would be the same amount of work, he thought. "How did THAT thought enter your mind?" He finally asked, brow wrinkling. They hadn't been discussing skateboards, had they? Or maybe their discussion about ducks reminded Glory of Lucy cause they're both animals then she remembered Lucy ran everywhere and her mind just screamed SKATEBOARD and then... she said what she said. That seemed like a viable explanation. "Your guesses are morbid." He sniffed. They'd be great if they were talking about what he would do if someone ever did what Alex did again. Chop up into little tiny pieces and nake a stew. "Hm. Yes. I guess you're right." Leo mused, back to thinking about drug addict life. (You put chaos and chaos together and you get us xD)

.

"True." He nodded slowly. That did make sense. It was a good thing she put the alcohol away, because that just made him want to drink more since he OBVIOUSLY hadn't had enough. He debated breaking into the drawer, but decided against it. "Most of my ideas are grand ideas." Leo pointed out with a grin, then shook his head with a snort. "You look like a hippo with octopus arms on land trying to swim." He stated firmly, then tilted his head. "Hmmm. We'll have to change that. Any and every time you have one too many shots, definitely." Leo mused, glancing at Lucy with a slight smile before wiggling his way into the bed somehow without disturbing Lucy but still being close to Glory. "I can see the stars but there's a roof over our head." He mumbled, peering at the ceiling with a slightly bemused look as he let out a long sigh of contentment. No pain, just fuzzy pleasure. Alcohol was amazing. The next morning was going to SUCK.

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"I thought you usually did that," Glory mused, half-aware of what she was saying. She was still thinking about Lucy on a skateboard. Lucy with a dog helmet and knee and elbow pads. Where would the elbow pads go? Hard to say. "That's why the dog has back legs," She said. THAT was what powered the vehicle, and one limb took up less energy than all of them. "Well because ducks are cool, ducks on skateboards are cooler, and there's only one thing cooler than that... a DOG on a skateboard. And Lucy's a dog, but she doesn't have a skateboard. She needs to be cooler than a duck on a skateboard," She said after a moment of thinking, trying to put words in an order that makes sense. They hardly made sense in her head, so it was some effort to make the words come out and not be gibberish. "Noooo," Glory protested weakly. Her guesses were totally morbid and she knew it. "I know I am," She chirped a little smugly. (really xD The perfect dynamic duo, like a match in a firework factory xD)

"Definitely," She agreed happily. Well, no, not most of his ideas, but not all of them were bad, either. "That's ruuuude. You could say I look like a pirate on land, but nope," She said, popping the p sound in nope for emphasis. A hippo with octopus arms. Octopodes didn't even have arms. "Okay," She giggled, "I like that idea." Not like she'd drink more often just to have an excuse to be carried to bed, nope. "Mmm, do you see Boris?" She asked. Boris was a constillation she'd named as a kid; Boris the Dog. She was pretty sure Boris had an actual name and wasn't a dog, but that was still what she thought of it as. Lucy, apparently having decided Leo was her new favoritest person other than Ronan, actually got up and plopped herself down up against his other side. Glory scowled at the dog - that was HER Leo, not the dog's - before forgetting about it and cuddling against his side happily.

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"Ehhhhh. I'm not sure smart is the right word for what I usually do..." Leo mused, eyes narrowing. No, it definitely wasn't. "Huh. She does, doesn't she?" His eyebrows drew together slightly. Daaaamn his brain was slow. "She seemed to do just fine running, though. Plus I have two other projects I'm working on, one of which is both very time consuming and I'm on a tight schedule for." He pointed out with all the seriousness of a businessman. Too expensive in the way of time. He pondered her words for a very long moment, trying to fit together how the hell THAT worked. "I'll just put skateboard on my list." He finally said with a snort. Why the fuck not. The dog was honestly smart enough to learn anything, in his opinion, and it was likely when they both woke up in the morning they'd have NOOOOO clue what the hell happened tonight. (A spark in a field of dry grass and a couple elephants in a field of land mines xD)

.

"Glad you agree." He wrinkled his nose. He wasn't even sure if he agreed anymore. Weren't most of his ideas very BAD ideas? Or maybe his bad ideas were just so good they looked like good ideas. "Well you don't look like a pirate on land." He huffed. "You look like a hippo with octopus arms on land trying to swim." Leo reiterated. NO OTHER WORDING WAS CORRECT. "I will carry you to bed whenever you so desire, m'lady." He stated with an air of royalty, then his eyebrows crinkled again and he cocked his head on the pillow, staring at the ceiling. "Uhhhh... who's Boris?" He questioned after a while, after he scanned the ceiling for something that he didn't even know what it was. Leo glanced at Lucy as she crawled up and flopped down right by his side, then glanced at Glory as she glared at the dog. "You're still my favorite. Don't let Lucy know." He murmured with a slight lopsided smile, nuzzling his nose into her hair and putting an arm around her, glad to feel her warmth against him. Even more glad after 2 weeks of being away from her not knowing if she was alive or dead or tortured or what.

-

(Sorry tis a bit shorter- I think. Maybe. I write the replies in a different app sometimes and it doesn't tell me the words, but it feels shorter XD. I'm running short on time with the puppy)

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Maybe not, I dunno," Glory said with a shrug. Maybe like... half the time he did the smart thing. "I think so. Unless she could use her tail as a leg, then that's... five," She said. Numbers were HAAARD. Four legs plus a tail that acts like a leg? MMm five-ish legs. Maybe four and a half. "Yeah, but she'd like a skateboard," She said, then thought a moment. "If one of em's the surprise I can't have a hint about... what's the other?" A GOLD PLAITED TOILET some part of the back of her mind shouted drunkenly, for whatever reason. Neat. Slap wheels on it and ride it down the hill with Lucy on her skateboard. "Thankyou, I think Lucy'd like it for her eleventy-seventh birthday," She said. Glory had no idea how old Lucy was, maybe between 2 and 4 or so. She seemed young and fit, but also fully grown. (exactly xD The level of chaos we cause is about the equivalent to the stunts on Redbull's social media accounts xD)

She frowned at him for a moment before saying, "Nuh-uh. Don't compare yer woman to a hippo." Maybe a young, slim, and very graceful hippo. With a GREAT sense of humor and taste for alcohol. "And I shall hold you to that," She giggled. "Lucy might get jealous though, you'll have to carry both of us." Logically, Glory could pick up the dog, Leo could pick up Glory, and boom, easy peasy all in one trip. Like carrying ten grocery bags in from the car to avoid making extra trips. "Boris the Dog," She giggled as though this were the most obvious thing in the world. "Good. You're my favorite, too," She said, making sure Lucy didn't hear. He was all warm and cuddly like Lucy but better and funny and thoughtful and perfect.

(nah you're fine xD)

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