Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"No, I'd see to it that you at least don't get fat. I can't help the old part, but you aren't turning into a land whale on my whatch," Glory assured him. Lucy[and all dogs to come] would definitely help with that. Especially if they were all high-energy, and Glory'd be damned if she had anything that wasn't. A dog that couldn't walk to the mailbox and back wasn't a dog at all. No, that thing had better be running laps around the goddamned STATE. Maybe even the COUNTRY. Like Lucy. Now THAT was a fine specimin of a dog. "Ooor hire a tutor. I'm in no position to educate," She said. That was why she was not a professor. She COULD be teaching little goblins how to use different weapons, but no thanks. "They'd basically be pirates. Swords, terrible language, and predisposed to enjoy alcohol," She laughed a little. Imagine that, small children that ran around shouting swears and trying to stab things and they'd probably swing from chandeliers should they gain access to one and- oof; much like Glory herself as a kid. That was one helluva commitment. Glory'd like to get to live her life before being responsible for another. "Case in point. Though pity on them, you're wonderful," Glory pointed out. Then again, there was a LOT of bad habits to be picked up. Then again again, the good FAR outweighed the bad, at least on Glory's eyes. "First off, sleep IS a suggestion. I reject your reality and substitute it with my own! Second, I wouldn't FORCE them to stay up with me, and even if I DID I haven't died of sleep deprivation," She fake huffed back. Other things, sure, but at least not sleep deprivation. Glory DID sleep every now and then. "Exactly. Imagine that, I'm right again," She said, grinning smugly. And for once, it was at least a GOOD thing to be smug about. Better than being right about someone who died or something. Glory was more than happy to just.. exist here with him, ideally forever, but he was right about one thing. Well a lotta things, but mainly the fact that she thought sleep was optional when it very much wasn't. Right now was no exception, much to her dismay, and while she didn't think she was capable of getting grumpy tonight, she really didn't want to be tired and sore and trying to find out. She didn't want to be grumpy. "Can you be in charge of bedtime.. like.. starting now?" She asked, gazing up Leo.

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"If I'm spending every waking second making statues of you, how do you suppose that'll work?" Leo snorted. "It'd be a DIFFERENT story if your 'amazing takedowns' were in the thousands. You, darling, claim that they were in the millions." He sniffed. Quite honestly, they probably were, somehow. Just to mock him. Eh, then it just loops back around to him not making statues. Problem solved. He could only imagine the overwhelming boredom after the third statue- if those things took a flippin' week each, he would be dead after a month. Guess there was no need to worry about getting fat or old or arthritis. "They'd likely threaten the tutor at swordpoint when they didn't want to do school anymore. IMAGINE how many people we'd have to go through." He wrinkled his nose. "I'm not a fan of killing innocent-ish idiots, so we'd have to find horrible people that were tutors, but then we wouldn't let them around the kids, so all in all... that would fail miserably." Oh yes, the more he thought about it, the more he was convinced he would live a life with Glory. Just Glory. That would be better and easier. Little did he know, something may change that very soon. (Foreboding :D)

"We'd basically be setting them up to die before they reached thirty." He pointed out with a huff. "Tis a miracle WE'VE survived for so long." He was aaaaalmost at three decades on this wretched earth, which was honestly shocking looking at his past. "Wonderful with children, not so much." Okay, that wasn't REALLY the truth, there were particular children he absolutely adored and would spend hours playing with even if that playing only encased tickling them, but what did THAT matter. Those days were long gone now. "I reject your rejection and re-substitute the correct one! Tis not a suggestion. If you don't sleep, eventually you will stop funtioning. On the SECOND thing, the children would follow your example because they looked up to you and they would stay up with you anyway. I know this because I accidently taught a child to drink beer at age 6- I was doing so, they saw, I told them NOT to, they SMIRKED at me, then later that night they STOLE MY BEER. Don't underestimate the evilness of children." That had been a terrible time. There was also a time when he had very accidently said fuck you to someone in front of a curious little sponge, realized, and told them it meant have a nice day. He was rewarded by them screaming it at every person they saw that day. And the father being EXTREMELY angry at him. "Not exactly you being right, so much as me being wrong." He mused drily. All he could say was that he did not KNIT, he was not an old lady. He sewed, as mentioned earlier, and learned it because his clothes kept getting ripped in battle. As she spoke and glanced up at him, he chuckled quietly. "You could just start sleeping, you know." He offered. "On a daily basis." He added with a snort, turning away from the pond and letting his hand slip down to grab hers as he started back to Libodon. He'd sleep good tonight. No doubt about that.

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Umm... I'll make you do it while on a treadmill," Glory suggested. Okay, so that covered the excersise part, but trying to paint would be an absolute nightmare. "Okay, well, they're probably somewhere in the hundred thousands, I just round up," She retorted. Yeah, who cares about that extra two- to three- hundred thousand that haven't died yet? They will soon enough. It may take a while, but Glory's kill streak would reach the millions one day. How hard could mass genocide be? Just blow everything up. Easy peasy. "Hmm, we'd have to find a tutor so intimidating and unshakable that they'd have no choice but to put their swords down and behave," Glory said. Finding that one would be hard, though. Generally if an educator was strict and mean, they weren't fun to learn with and just torturously boring. Then the children would probably work together to overthrow them. Well... camraderie was good, right? (Oop. I'm a little afraid of your forboding xD)

"Nyehh details details," She said. "True. Buuut if WE'VE lived this long, that shit's probably genetic, sooo they'd be fine." Terrible logic. Not being MURDERED or STABBED or DISMEMEBERED was NOT genetic. Male pattern baldness was, yes. Cardiovascular issues could be, yes. But as far as Glory was aware, none of that shit would be a problem. Just murder and a taste for alcohol. "I detect fake news," Glory said. She herself wasn't a great role model earlier; she thought it was hilarious toshout swears, even funnier when small children shouted it back. Yeah... delightful. It just further solidified the idea that any children would be just fucking pirates. Hell, they'd probably learn how to pickpocket from Glory. "Oh good lord. And I thought my drinking at seventeen was bad," She said. Damn, she was going on almost nine years of attempted murder of her liver already. That thought alone made her feel old. "Well if you're wrong, then that makes me right," Glory countered. A logical argument for once. If there was only two sides, and one lost, the other won. Simple as that. If one football team had the floor wiped with them, the other didn't call it a tie. She thought for a moment at his suggestion before saying, "No thanks. I'd rather you just remind me to sleep every other day or so." That sounded like a damn good arrangment to Glory. She gave his hand a little squeeze before whistling for the dog, who came loping along with a fish in her mouth and the happiest look Glory'd ever seen on a dog.

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

Leo immediately went to reply when his traitorous brain reminded him of how hard that would actually be and he started pondering if it would work or not. "Gol' darn. That'd be terrible." He made a face, shaking his head. Imagine after the first mile or so. Sweat pouring down his face only because he was frantically trying to get this ONE detail down with RUINING the ENTIRE THING. "You can round up so long as I don't have to paint every one." He snorted in amusement. As long as he wasn't involved, she could say she killed billions. If he WAS involved... she only killed 3. Period. "Yessss, but one of them would end up dying, either the kids or the tutor. And both would be severely injured. And no teaching would be done." He sighed. Bad idea. (Question- do you remember if I said Timbre was 10? I thought so. Now, I mean.

You should be. It's another monumental twist that will change their lives forever xD. If it goes the way I think it will....)

"Not getting murdered is likely the least genetic thing you could EVER get." Leo retorted with a huff. "Adding to the fact my whole family except for me were all murdered, if it was genetic... the kids wouldn't have good chances." He pointed out drily. By WHOM no one would SPECIFY because it DID NOT MATTER. (Oh my good lord as soon as you said 'male pattern baldness' I imagined Leo bald, and HOLY FLIPPIN FIDDLESTICKS it was scary. Almost as bad as him in a pink dress with a bird on his hand xD)

"Yeaaahhhh no. I've been drinking, albeit sparingly for the first 5 or so years, since age 10, so I think you're doing pretty good." Ah yes, his liver was zombified and still barely hanging on. 14 years of assassination attempts, completed by him, plus 5 more before that with about a beer a week. Because a 10 year old like him had so many problems that it didn't seem so bad. "Whatever you say." He snorted. No use arguing with her there. She was, like, 84 percent right, anyway. "Ah, okay. Not as good, but can do." He would make darn sure she slept when she had to. He grinned as Lucy came loping up- she looked almost as happy as he felt. He didn't think she was quite that happy, though. He wouldn't even dare think it, but.. knock on wood... it didn't feel like anything could ruin the moment.

They soon arrived back at Glory's room, which had become their main place of business. His room had become a storage place for weapons, part time forge, and a place to work on his sculptures. He preferred her room, though, as it smelled like her, and for some WEIRD FIDDLESTICKIN reason, he was very sensitive to smells like that.

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Yeah," Glory agreed, "So I guess that means I'd just handcuff you and take away your paints n' shit." A fantastic idea. Far better than the treadmill. Well, sort of. "Deal," She said. "So in that case, I've slaughtered twelve-point-six billion." That was larger than the total population almost doubled, so yeah duh it was one helluvan exaggeration. "Eh, hang the tutor," She said with a shrug. Maybe burn him while they're at it. Make him into a flaming human pinata. (Yes you did actually. Thereabouts. Also I think what you're thinking is way better than what I was thinking >.<)

"Eh, I'd say it's more genetic than getting struck by lightning since someone might have beef with your family and go after you," Glory said. It kind of made sense, but it didn't mean murder was genetic. Just that people will target someone related to someone who wronged them. (lmfao me too xD I still have that pic too, I get jumpscared every time I open file explorer haha) "You must've pleased the gods or something to still be alive. Maybe they just like looking at you," Glory snorted. If that were the case, she couldn't disagree with them. "Thanks," She said, "Besides, it's better than the alternative." The alternative being drugs. Yay. When they got back to Glory's room, Lucy started shaking her now-dead fish like a chew-toy and flinging it around. Before the dog could cause too much fish damage, Glory took it from her and chucked it out the window. Unfortunately there happened to be a student outside, and Glory just about collapsed in a fit of laughter as they got a dead fish straight to the dome piece. Fuckin CLOBBERED by that sucker. Even without LOOKING Glory had IMPECCABLE aim, apparently. Poor kid's just trying to enjoy a stroll [or at least that was the story Glory was going with in her head about why a teenager might be out after dark] when all of a sudden they get SMOTE by the HEAVENS ABOVE by a FISH.

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"I see a couple FLAWS in your PLAN. It is HARDER THAN YOU THINK to handcuff me, and that would end terribly." Leo huffed. He had so many random paint thingermajigs laying around it was highly unlikely she could find them all. Then again, it was highly unlikely HE could find the ones she didn't, so... rather unhelpful. "You're quite the mass murderer." He snorted. "You even managed to find Corrupted on different planets just to get to your number." His voice was dry and sarcastic. "No tutor, no learning children." He then pointed out. They were back to first base. (Ah good. I'm glad my memory didn't totally fail me. Now, I'm curious, what WERE you thinking xD)

"Genetic has to do with something in your DNA. Just cause your great grandpa pissed the wrong moron off doesn't mean murder is genetic." Leo rolled his eyes. (About a year ago I was talking with ma friend and she told me about a scene in this movie that was quite gruesome. Me being me, I looked it up and saved the worst part in my photos. TO THIS DAY when I'm scrolling through the millions of memes I have on there, I go from: Louis Vuitton microscopic handbag sold at auction for 63K - OMG perfect it can hold all my money! To: SUPER HORRIFYING GRUESOME PHOTO. To: Surprise your valentine! *HAMMER*

I've been traumatized more than once)

"I KNOW. I am just as shocked and mystified as you. And I doubt it." He snorted as well. If some people were a sight for sore eyes, he saw himself as a sight that created sore eyes. "Yup, tis it is." He agreed.

Leo glanced at Lucy as Glory took the fish- the dog seemed rather devastated- then his eyebrows shot up as he heard a dull thwack and Glory started laughing uncontrollably. He immediately poked his head out the window to see what the flabbergasting mangled raccoons was so funny, and immediately figured out what happened. Grinning, he shook his head. "Good aim." He chirped, walking up to her and pressing a kiss to her neck. "That is totally one of the reasons I proposed to you. You're an amazing fish thrower." He commented with a teasing laugh.

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"I see a couple FLAWS in your PLAN. It is HARDER THAN YOU THINK to handcuff me, and that would end terribly." Leo huffed. He had so many random paint thingermajigs laying around it was highly unlikely she could find them all. Then again, it was highly unlikely HE could find the ones she didn't, so... rather unhelpful. "You're quite the mass murderer." He snorted. "You even managed to find Corrupted on different planets just to get to your number." His voice was dry and sarcastic. "No tutor, no learning children." He then pointed out. They were back to first base. (Ah good. I'm glad my memory didn't totally fail me. Now, I'm curious, what WERE you thinking xD)

"Genetic has to do with something in your DNA. Just cause your great grandpa pissed the wrong moron off doesn't mean murder is genetic." Leo rolled his eyes. (About a year ago I was talking with ma friend and she told me about a scene in this movie that was quite gruesome. Me being me, I looked it up and saved the worst part in my photos. TO THIS DAY when I'm scrolling through the millions of memes I have on there, I go from: Louis Vuitton microscopic handbag sold at auction for 63K - OMG perfect it can hold all my money! To: SUPER HORRIFYING GRUESOME PHOTO. To: Surprise your valentine! *HAMMER*

I've been traumatized more than once)

"I KNOW. I am just as shocked and mystified as you. And I doubt it." He snorted as well. If some people were a sight for sore eyes, he saw himself as a sight that created sore eyes. "Yup, tis it is." He agreed.

Leo glanced at Lucy as Glory took the fish- the dog seemed rather devastated- then his eyebrows shot up as he heard a dull thwack and Glory started laughing uncontrollably. He immediately poked his head out the window to see what the flabbergasting mangled raccoons was so funny, and immediately figured out what happened. Grinning, he shook his head. "Good aim." He chirped, walking up to her and pressing a kiss to her neck. "That is totally one of the reasons I proposed to you. You're an amazing fish thrower." He commented with a teasing laugh.

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Eh. I saw this one old mushy bucket of lard get arrested once. The cops had to put together two pairs of handcuffs because she couldn't get her hands behind her back, so I don't think it'll be that difficult for you," Glory said. It was hilarious watching this land-whale yelling at the cops some angry unintelligible nonsense. (True story. Twas on On Patrol Live the other day. My dad was cackling the whole time xD) "I eradicated all the Corrupted on my home planet and then came here to do the same. I'm intergalactic pest control," She said proudly. Circling around Uranus in search of Klingons. Yup. "Mm, true. Then again, I completely missed most of elementary school and I turned out fine," She said. Well, not FINE, but she'd had to hunt for food and lurk around the house the rare times she WAS inside. (Yeah no let's not ask then question please and thanks xD)

"Pfft, whatever. Even still, there's gonna be family fueds going on for literal CENTURIES because of who WE'VE pissed off," Glory said. Yeah... that was just setting the hypothetical children up for wars to come. Glory didn't even KNOW all of the people she'd wronged, all the people who'd be coming back with a vengeance. (That's hilarious xD My computer's got a mix of art and memes mixed together with very little rhyme or reason, so it goes from oh, a hoss, to what if we kissed under the missile toad. It's fun to scroll through xD)

"Doubt all you want, I for one find you nice to look at." And she'd beat the ever-loving shit outta anyone who argued. Not that Glory thought anyone WOULD without lying.

"Mm, thanks," She giggled, tilting her head slightly when he kissed her neck and making little happy sounds in the back of her throat without realizing it. "S'long as it's one of and not the only reason. Fish throwing's only useful sometimes," She said, grinning. No, fish throwing was useful ALWAYS. It should be an olympic sport. (I'd like to note that this is a thing. It's called the Flora-Bama Mullet Toss, where every year people gather to throw mullets, a type of fish, across the Florida-Alabama line.)

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

".... that sounds terrible." Leo made a face. "I meant I'd STRUGGLE, not I physically couldn't do it." He added with a hint of protest. (My goodness. That would've been HILARIOUS to hear xD)

"Good job. I'm sure your home planet is the safest in the solar system." He snorted with amusement. "Soon we will have completed the same mission on earth, then we can go to a different planet." He said cheerfully. They could eradicate Corrupted throughout the solar system. Quite the legacy, if you asked him. "Mhm. You totally turned out fine." He replied innocently, flashing a smile. That was definitely a joke- she used her knowledge way more than HE did. (I AM asking that question WHAT DID YOU THINK!? Now some things I don't want running through my mind are running through my mind and I need you to confirm or deny!)

-

"Ehhhhhh at least we won't be bothered by it." He chuckled. "Plus, lemme point out, if we don't have any family, there can be no family feud." He was sure she had some far off relatives, but pfft. They didn't count. (Yes xD. I have many random things as well. Like: *my van gets stolen* where did my *picture of Van Gogh*)

"I'm flattered, but also questioning your eyesight." He joked with a grin. It wasn't like he was good looking by any normal standards or anything. But hey, only her opinion mattered.

"Of course not the ONLY reason. I would die of old age before I named all of the reasons." He huffed with amusement. (I'd like to note I am now moving to either Florida or Alabama xD]

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Oh. Well, what if I asked nicely?" Glory asked. Yes, because asking nicely ALWAYS worked. That's what parents said, anyway. Oh, just ask nicely, sweety! Nobody is allowed to say no if you say please! Ha. Yeah right. (I kinda feel bad for her because thousands of people saw it, like, damn. How embarrasing! xD)

"It's not," She said, "Because I'm from there, therefor it cannot be safe whatsoever. Nowhere is safe if I have access to it." That was why people were afraid of the dark; Glory was the thing that went bump in the night, the monster in the closet or under the bed. The shadow in the corner. "I'm glad you think so," Glory snorted. She totally did not. But hey, maybe she did since life was goin' good now. (Uhh. I invoke the fifth. Mayybbe if you ask in the form of a yes or no question I might relay the information xD)

"Mm, true. That's weird to think about though; literal BILLIONS of years just for us to exist and then nothing after. It's like building a sand empire just for some bigger kid to come stomp all over it," Glory mused. And yeah, some of her extended family was still alive, but exactly whom Glory wasn't entirely sure. She gave up on keeping track of which old bats had croaked and which hadn't. (I love that xD)

"Nah, it's not my eyesight that's the problem, just the alien standards of beauty," She replied, amused. And considering she had high standards about EVERYTHING, Leo was no exception. He just happened to fit her standards, maybe not other people's.

"Huh, either that's a LOT of reasons or you're going senile already," Glory teased. S'alright, she was feeling old already. 2am was seeming less and less appealing of a time to see on a clock every day. Eventually -if she lived long enough- she'd start going to bed at 4. (I'd like to note I'm going with you xD)