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Edited at March 4, 2025 08:01 PM by KPH Equestrian
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General Anubis AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs +++ "You should probably stop listing things while we are inside slash right outside of a place that will arrest you." Leo pointed out helpfully, lifting his eyebrows slightly. He got all those and more under his belt, so he understood. Being a perfect citizen wasn't really the first thing on his bucket list. Or the any thing on any list. He tended to veer towards the bad things. Whatever. . "Just fine for ME, which is technically all that matters but you did not turn out just fine if you look at the rest of the world." He snorted. That being said, he wouldn't change a single thing about her. She was totally perfect. She could be the Raunchy girlfriend all she wanted- ah no, wait, fiance- and he could be the least horny fiance ever, and he would be the happiest person alive. . Leo paused for a moment and quickly remembered his bone cane - how could he forget. "I will NOT have grey hairs in 6 years. NOT GONNA HAPP'N, CAP'N. (Me casually stealing your quote because I love it hehe) You may stress me out beyond repair but grey and red just don't go together well. It'll make me look like a seasoning!" He complained loudly, huffing out a slight groan to sharpen his point. (I swear I should not have been laughing that hard reading the Monty Python Reference- I literally say that line EVERY DAY- but I was anyway xD) . "Me. I did." He sniffed haughtily. He did not need her hurting herself more than necessary, especially when she was still healing. It had only been a week since they stumbled in here. Give or take a little. He wasn't quite sure. "Uh... chillax?" He suggested with a sheepish smile. That wasn't happening. A second later, Jules piped up. "Suggestion. I am starving. I think food would be a great place to start." She chirped, glancing back and forth in between them as she bounced along. Leo found it mildly amusing that the girl was barely taller than his waist, but he didn't comment. Instead, he nodded at her words. "Food it is. I'm rather hungry too, without my much needed breakfast." He mused, already thinking up something to make. "Then we can give you a tour of Libodon, afterwards." He decided. "I can show you every single place I had to pick Glory's frogs out of." He added with a huff and a playful glare towards her. "The great Frogmaggedeon may have been enjoyable for her, but it took me MONTHS to clean up." He huffed to Jules.
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Lieutenant Dwyer ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎ "Eh, that's only half the list anyway," Glory snorted, "I'm not much of a role model, more of a parole model." Basically the kind of person an adoption agency would reject before she got halfway through the door. Geneva Convention? More like Geneva Suggestion. Not like she didn't break into a house, douse that place in kerosene, and light that shit up like the 4th of July, roasting the residents alive in their pajamas. They deserved it though, one of them had wronged Glory for the last fuckin time and he paid for it. "Well the rest of the world ain't fine, so that's hardly an argument," She countered with a grin. No, the rest of the world was arguably worse. She may be morally graey, but at least it was a lighter shade of graey. More light dark white than light black. Both of which are actual terms, totally not just ones that exist in The Grandiloquent Guide to Glory's Guff, mhm. The dictionary she was gonna write and Leo didn't like the name "Book of Shit". Or "Codex of Crap". "Hey, you never know. Six years ago I thought I'd die alone with nobody to spread my medium rare remains over a town of their choosing," Glory returned jokingly. (It's a good phrase xD) Still a good idea. Dinner and a show for the unsuspecting onlookers below, and bonus point for fireworks. And possibly playing Thanks for the Memories by Fall Out Boy. Or We Will All Go Together When We Go by Tom Lehrer. (I was giggling while typing it lol) "Fine. But remember what I said about positive reinforcement," She said pointedly. Very important. Otherwise she'd end up hurting herself just because she got bored. Besides, they'd had, like... eight whole days of rest. That was six too many for Glory's liking. "Riiight. Because that's something I even know how to do," She snorted. Not very well, and not very sober. She thought for a moment at Jules' suggestion, trying to remember the last time she'd actually eaten proper food, and found that she really couldn't. Not good. So yeah, food was a great idea. She nodded agreement, then asked, "You making food or are we going somewhere?" Either were fine, but god DAMN could that man cook. "Oh but it was beautiful. Such an incredible sight... several hundred slimy frogs loose in a castle," She said, grinning without any remorse whatsoever. Edited at March 23, 2025 02:28 PM by KPH Equestrian
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General Anubis AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs +++ "I'm using that quote, good one." Leo nodded approvingly. Honestly, it was rather true for both of them. It didn't take him more than a minute to start thinking about Jules. They... they couldn't keep her. She needed a stable home, people who wouldn't just randomly die and leave her to fend for herself. Leo racked his brain to wonder if he had any relatives left... he didn't... that he would trust, was the second part of that, but he got stuck on the first. His mind quickly went to friends. Any friends he could trust. Any friends, period. Broaden the search. (I dunno how to get rid of her so they can do their whole Glory dying thing, cause I don't want to be distracted by a child XD. I'm in the mindset of just killing her off and piling more grief on Leo hehe) He decided he did NOT have any trusted friends. This was a problem. Well, any friends at all. Oof. . "Ehhhhppphhhh okay fine." He grumbled, shaking his head slightly. Her points were usually pretty good. Whether it was a torture method or not. Now, the only thing they really disagreed on what to gouge out the eyes sooner or later. Since she relied mostly on illusions, she always opted later. Since he could actually make those illusions real, he liked gouging their eyes out early so they couldn't see what was coming before he tore them to shreds. It was then he solidified his decision that Jules couldn't stay. As much as he wanted to raise a little murder child... he didn't want her life to be like his. It wasn't safe. . "I-" He stopped, sucking in a breath. "Just shush. I am not THAT OLD. Lives being changed by hot men is normal, aging like cheese is not." He grinned slightly. Although he did not appreciate the idea of looking like he could be a grandpa and six years- again, wouldn't happen- he was always delighted to joke about his stellar looks. Most people would be skeptical about that sentence, but he held full faith that Glory didn't give a shit. . "Oh, of course. I will make sure to reward you for good behavior." He drawled flatly, rolling his eyes. "I can set up a system. Avoid death? Breakfast and a kiss. Avoid getting hurt? Breakfast. Avoid both? Mystery box." He teased, his lips curling up. He was distracted by the mention of food and the way Glory obviously knew she hadn't eaten in forever. That solidified his desire to make food. "I'm making food. I want something good." He replied immediately. If there was one thing he could boast about, it was cooking skills. Steak, maybe potatoes. They could drink beer and- oh shit. There was a child. "Is there even WATER at Libodon?" He blurted out of nowhere, looking concerned. "I don't think I've actually drank real water for a couple years- what are we going to give to Jules?" Jules herself looked a wee bit confused at this information, glancing at him. "You- nevermind. I should've guessed." The rest of her unspoken sentence was probably something along the lines of: I should've guessed you were crazier than I thought. "No- no no no. Not cool. Not pretty. Not beautiful. Horrific. Honestly painful. Traumatizing." He frowned at her before seeing Libodon over the rise. They arrived a couple minutes later, and he went straight to a small field where he usually made stuff, snapping his fingers. His cooking supplies appeared, as well as chairs- but that was when he realized he was still injured. The toll was taken, though. A wave of partial dizziness partial nausea swept over him, causing him to wince and pause. After it slowly started to pass, he started setting stuff up, venturing to use a little power as he started the fire, the flames jumping from his fingertips to the dry wood.
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Lieutenant Dwyer ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎ Glory nodded with a grin- it WAS a darn good quote. The best ones were either accurate or amusing, and that one was both. Her grin only widened when he gave in and agreed. Her points were, in fact, generally very pointy. Both literal and not. Oh, and the couch, that was pretty pointy too, though that one was less intentional. It just kinda happened. (I have this dumb little headcanon of Glory trying to de-booby-trap the couch, growing more irritated as more knives n shit keep appearing, and she says smth like god-fucking-dammit this things like a magnet, and then proceeds to pull an actual friggin magnet from betwixt the cushions x3) "Yeah, let's go with hot men and not annoyingly endearing and utterly adorable men- for your benefit," Glory teased with a snicker. In the wise words of Miguel and Tulio; Both? Both? Both is good. And while he may not exactly believe Glory entirely regarding his roguishly good looks, it didn't make her wrong. Very pointy points, after all. AND his face had quite a nice bone structure [well, technically all of him did], something many people lack. Strange to think there are just people walking around looking like dropped cakes. Weak jawline, weak chin, weak cheekbones. Fuck it, people were just weak in general. Shitty goddamn people. "OoOh, mystery box?" Glory asked, eyes lighting up. Hell, even if the box was empty and the mystery was why, and empty box was frigging delightful. So many things to do with a box, so many things it could be. A boat, a Trojan horse, a house, a bomb shelter, a homeless guy's actual house. The nest of a large bird. A cave for spelunking. A tank. An elevator. Perhaps even one falling down its shaft. A dumbwaiter. A coal mine. The shell of a large tortoise. The possibilities were utterly endless. "Aw yesss," Glory hissed triumphantly. Leo was like if Gordon Ramsay had the attitude of Bob Ross. Literal perfection incarnate. "Um. I'd assume so? No fuckin clue, I've kind of lived on milk, liquor, and caffeine thus far," She admitted sheepishly. Obviously there'd be water SOMEWHERE. But where? Ah. Toilet tank, duh. Or maybe the tap water was clean- well, it probably was. Probably was usually plenty good for Glory. "Oh you poor thing. I'm totally getting you a jar of frogs for Christmas," Glory said, grinning evilly. They'd probably escape, as frogs do, and it'd backfire and Glory'd end up rounding them up and releasing them back outside. Or Lucy'd eat them. Either works. When she saw Leo wince, she moved so she was standing almost up against him, resting her head against his chest sort of like a service dog would, waiting for it to pass. Once it did, she plopped herself on the ground and busied herself plucking flowers and making a crown to, ideally, fit around Lucy's neck. She'd probably rip it up in her excitement, but whatever.
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General Anubis AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs +++ Leo had to admit that it was a delightful quote. Like, c'mon. Who wouldn't laugh if you said that? I'm not a good role model... more like a parole model. It was absolute gold. Also, she had good points, like, 87 percent of the time. The rest he managed to fill with good points of his own. And no one can deny that he had good ideas at times. (Oh my Gawd, that Is amazing. I would die laughing reading that xD) . "Hey- don't do that." He pointed at her like she had just committed a felony. "I am none of the words you just randomly spewed out for no reason." Leo sniffed. He couldn't really defend much, though. To be fair, he was a big teddy bear with some select people. As in... her. And possibly Jules now. To everyone else, though, he could just be an occasionally (we're being hopeful in use of that word) drunk and terrifying General. Plus being drunk just made him a fiercer fighter, right? Who needs reflexes if you can't tell your limb has been unattached? (If she told him that, he would be SO FLATTERED. No one had ever told him he had NICE BONE STRUCTURE before XDDD) . "You're scaring me, but yes." Leo watched her skeptically, practically reading each thought that shot through her mind. Probably more random than even he was thinking, though. Maybe he'd gift her a toaster just to see the look on her face. Or a pinecone. Or a singular small minnow. Or a shoe. Not a pair of shoes, but a shoe. So many options. "Yes, mystery box." He repeated himself with a nod to seal the deal. Maybe... maybe it could be a whole uncooked lamb chop. Or a partial uncooked lamb chop. Where did the other half go? She would never know. A peculiar shaped rock that actually wasn't a rock but a very hard bear turd. Maybe a small leaf that looked so weird she had to know what tree it came from but she could never find it. Or a live ant. If he could figure out how to trap it without killing it and keep it in something. . (I laughed so fucking hard at that. Why is it true - I'm sobbing) "I want some milk now." He sighed regretfully. Whole milk, not the shitty two percent fucksticks milk. "Well, I'll drink the tap water and if I don't die, she probably can drink it." He grinned. Honestly, he was sure it was fine, and he knew there was water somewhere... normal people couldn't survive without it. "If you do, I am literally putting them each on a stick while they are still alive and roasting them over an open fire. No hopping around the school." He threatened, not sure if she would defend the frogs or not care at all. It could be a good threat. It had potential. . Leo smiled faintly at her slight pause against him, then got to work. He didn't put much on the fire so it was short, then started the steaks cooking, practically sticking them in the fire to sear the outsides first. After setting them enough above the fire to slow cook the insides, he sat on the ground with a huff, a wee bit tired. His burns were starting to feel hot, itchy, and painful again, which couldn't be a good sign. They were still bandaged at the moment, but he'd have to unwrap them to sleep so they got some air. He wasn't looking forward to that. They always hurt more like that, for some reason. He carefully propped himself on the arm that wasn't dying, although that one was hurt in some way too- he didn't remember how.
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Lieutenant Dwyer ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎ "Oopsie, I just did. Whaddaya gonna do about it?" Glory taunted, her grin widening. She wasn't frigging wrong, though. Nobody with eyes could argue. Or, functional eyes, I suppose. Or half a brain. Or good taste. Or any positive adjective in the English language, aka the Grandiloquent Guide to Glory's Guff, the only book anyone should ever read from now on. (Hey, I know a good lotta people with weak bone structures and they're lowkey ugly T-T maybe I'm too critical of faces though, can't help but break them down like I'm fixing to draw them xD) "I'm terrifying, what's new?" She sniffed indignantly. He came awfully close to implying that sometimes she WASN'T scary. How offensive. "What are the parameters of what may be in the mystery box? Just physical objects?" She asked. That definitely affected the allure of the mystery box. See, most of the incentive for not dying was actually the kiss, breakfast being the lesser half. So, a similar concept would hold more value than an object. Those are easy to acquire. (I audibly exhaled at the rock that's actually a very hard bear turd omg xD) "With cookies," Glory added wistfully. Ideally chocolate chip, but she'd settle for any other socially acceptable cookie. "Good method," She said, nodding slowly. Except, of course, the chance of death, however small. Perhaps at that exact moment, the sewage lines and clean water pipes somehow get cross-contaminated. Yup, tooootally real possibility. "Well then, I suppose I'll have gotten you wild-caught frog legs," She mused. Yeah, no, those frogs could get cooked. Served them right for being easy to catch. It'll help selectively breed faster, smarter frogs. Glory had taken to teaching Jules to make flower crowns, and the kid turned out to be quite the quick learner. Lucy (whom I'm 98% sure has been with them the whole time but it's late and I'm not going back to check) wound up fairly well decorated, sitting very still while being doted on. The dog very clearly enjoyed the attention, and looked quite dapper.
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