Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Ooh all the better. I think they earned it," Glory said. MORE than earned it. Some people needed to get a hobby or something, take up gardening instead of correcting all the MAY I'S of the world. They must be really boring, uptight people. Just shut you goddamn trap and sit back down, would you? Nobody cares.

(Oh it's great, I think I will xD) "I know, but a lot of it's worse than dark," She said. Like, FAR worse. Damn near incriminating. Not the kind Leo'd appreciate, even if he got all liquored up. "Hmkay." Glory mixed up an ever delightful gasoline shot, knowing damn well she'd need it. She grinned triumphantly when Leo snorted. Now they were even. 1-1. A small laugh, of the silent trying-not-to-breathe variety, escaped Glory's best efforts to keep a straight face. "Oh dammit. It wasn't even that good," She grumbled, downing her shot and clenching her jaw to keep from making a face at the strong drink. "My friend's dog died and made her really sad, so to cheer her up I got an identical one. She only got mad though and yelled at me "what am I gonna do with two dead dogs?"" She said. That one was just sad.

(yeah, but, c'mon, puppy x3)

+++

"They did earn it. If you're sitting here correcting people who say 'can I', you deserve to get whacked upside the head. You also need something better to do. Like, go tell kids to look both ways before they cross the road. Make sure old people don't get run over. I don't care, do something useful in this world." Leo snorted. They only had 70 years to live, why were they wasting it telling people it's MAY I, not CAN I.

"Pfft, I'll be fiiiine, soon I won't be able to register what you're actually saying soooo." He grinned. Technically it'd take a bit longer to get to that point, but what the hell. He smirked smugly as she failed to contain a small laugh. "I know. That's what makes it better." He said teasingly. As she started speaking, his brows drew together slightly, not reaaaally knowing where she was going with that one. When she finished, he choked out a strangled "Glory! That was TERRIBLE." The grin on his face said otherwise. "I don't even know why I laughed- your giggles are getting to me." He huffed with a playful glare, getting himself another whiskey shot, downing it quickly. He made a face, nose wrinkling. He wasn't going to try not to. "I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person." His tone was cheerful for the first part, then at the last sentence, his tone grew somber, but his eyes twinkled mischeviously. "I have one more that I'm adding for shits 'n giggles. What's the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn't beat cancer."

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"They need to go scrub grafitti off of the freeways since they seem to enjoy 'cleaning' up words so much," Glory snorted. Or, better yet, go play on the freeway. Someone who'd been on the receiving end of the grammar police was gonna recognize them and put the pedal to the metal.

"Oh good. That means Monopoly's gonna be even more fucked up," She said cheerfully, grinning. That was gonna be GREAT. Chaotic and incoherent, sure, but still great. "It does not," She protested, but her face betrayed her and said otherwise. "Nuh-uh," She said. Hers was a damn good [terrible] joke. All of 'em were. At Leo's terrible CPR joke, it took what Glory thought to be frustrating amount of time to catch her breath and stop laughing. It was a terrible joke, but the delivery was spot on. She sighed, shook her head, grabbed a bottle at random, and downed her shot. "Oh fuck not another one," She half sighed, half giggled. She was nearing the point where most things were funny for no reason. Another shot downed. "You're too good at this game, I regret suggesting it," She said, though her eyes said otherwise. This was WONDERFUL. "Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions," She said, and had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at her own dumb joke. Damn this was gonna be HARD.

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"They must've been BORN on the freeway. That's where all the accidents happen." Leo grumbled. "They need serious mental stuff done to them. Reprogramming. I wish brains could be reprogrammed." He sighed wistfully. That would be great.

.

"VERY fucked up." He snorted with amusement. "You'll be lucky if I can play." He teased. He'd LIKELY be able to play no matter how drunk he got- his brain never functioned in the first place, so alcohol didn't change that TOO much. As long as he didn't get as drunk as he did when he wore a kilt. A wide grin spread across his face as she laughed- score! "I am hilarious." He chirped smugly. Honestly, these jokes weren't even hilarious. It was the delivery. He was very good at the delivery. He had to chuckle at her little giggle, shaking his head. "I like 4 shot Glory. Or 5. I havent really been counting." He teased, laughing at her words. Not the joke, yet, the thing before that. "You don't look like you regret it." He commented with another grin. He felt MUCH better now. Fuck pain- this was great. He had to let out a snorting groan at her joke. "It's so bad it's good. What the hell." He huffed, downing another shot and looking like he ate a lemon. "This is gonna be greaaaaaat."

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"It's your decision whether to laugh or not. I can't help being funny." Leo replied with a sweet smile. "They stopped because like everything else good-ish, the government was like NOPE." He snorted. Lobotomies weren't exactly GOOD, but that wasn't the point.

.

"Monopoly is impossible. Everything is different and there are so many variables." He huffed. Plus the fact he hadn't played it barely at all didn't reaaaally help. But, ya know, third times the charm, better when you're drunk. "You decide. Though, question, winner of Monopoly or of this game? Cause we all know who's gonna win Monopoly." He snorted. "Also, I do have an idea of what your Whatever-The-Fuck-I-Want thingermajig should be, but it has to happen a little later. Like, in a week. So I'll tell you then." Leo added with a smile. His eyes twinkled slightly. What he had planned was much better than anything anyone had ever thought up before. "I had to say it. It was funny." He protested, chuckling. As she told her joke, he had to tighten his jaw, but somehow, he didn't laugh. Or snort. "Good, but not good enough." He mused smugly. "I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes... so she gave me a hug." He stated with a lopsided grin. Not his best work, but he couldn't make EVERYTHING impossible for her.

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"Fake news, I can't be expected to take care of my injured self," Glory protested. He just HAAAD to be funny ALL the time. BUT it was WAY better than being serious and boring and unfunny. Like Romanov. "Yeah, like claiming plots of land with stakes and tin cans," She said sadly. Unfortunately, all the land had been claimed, so you'd have to fight your neighbor for their lawn.

"It's not impossible," She said, "you just buy whatever you land on and try to stay outta jail." SOMETIMES you go bankrupt, but otherwise this was the best method. All you had to do was pass Go a few times and hope other people land on your property [that you claimed with stakes and tin cans] and try to get the full color set and put houses and then hotels on 'em. If you get a hotel on Boardwalk, it costs a little over two THOUSAND dollars to land on ONCE. Instant win. "Monopoly. The winner of this gets a hangover," She snorted, "since I get to decide, 24-hour servant." Just watch, because of her confidence in winning [and the alcohol] she'd lose. That was just her luck. "Mm, intriguing. I shall be impatiently waiting until then," Glory said. VERY intriguing, dammit. "Suure," She said. She only shook her head a little- relationship specific jokes like that don't work too well. ""A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.”
The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.”
“Thanks, Dad,” the son says.
The father shakes his head and says, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”" She said.

+++

Lieutenant Dwyer

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

"The joy of just being with you outweighs the pain of laughing," Glory said sappily. Now that her head was buzzing delightfully and she was pretty sure she could feel the rotation of the earth, she'd have to be careful not to overdo it or she might start saying some weird, out-of-pocket shit. Womp womp.

"Tha's true," She said, nodding thoughtfully, "Don't buy everything, just what you can safely afford. Baltic and Mediterranian are good investments early on, and the whole light-blue strip." The utilities and railroads were great too, and the green spaces. Glory always thought of those as rich, gated communities for some reason. "Oh darn," She said, though her tone didn't match her words. "Hey, I'm paying you with the experience of Drunk Monopoly," She countered. Totally worth it. "We-ell, since you promise," She said. Glory trusted him; if he said it was worth the wait, she'd wait. She smirked triumphantly when he laughed, then asked, "What's wrong, outta jokes? S'alright, I got LOADS. Why was the lepers' hockey game cut short? Because there was a face-off in one corner." Implying someone's face literally fell off. Beautiful mental image. Blegh.

General Anubis

AKA: Craptain Jack Spare-Ribs

+++

"Oh my good lord with gravy and mushrooms on top you must be on CLOUD 9 that was the SWEETEST thing you've EVER SAID TO ME." Leo gasped, being dramatic on purpose. He may even be more dramatic when he was, what, 6 shots in. "I'm flattered." He grinned, looking amazed.

"Uh huh...." He listened intently, then when she finished, he realized he had only heard, like, half of what she said. What his brain had been doing the other half of the time, he didn't have a clue. "Something about Baltic and Mediterranian. Got it." He made a face. He had NOT got it. "Experience is right, but I'm not sure it's payment." He snorted. That seemed like a stretch. He'd be payING with a hangover pretty soon. "I do promise. It will be great." The sappy smile returned in full force as the happy fluttering in his chest came back in full force. He could barely WAIT the week. "No, I'm just trying to think up the best ones." He sniffed haughtily, then practically choked on his own breath as he tried not to laugh and failed. "My friend donated a kidney and everyone loved him. So I donated five and now everyone is screaming at me!" He sighed dramatically. "I get another, since I missed my turn. What has four legs and one arm? A chiuahaha at a playground." He spread his hands in a dramatic way. Most people would say a pit bull or some shit like that, but the REAL killer was the CHIUAHAHA.