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"I'm glad everything was alright" Carmen smiled finishing up her own food and letting the silence go on for a bit longer She looked up again at his question and nodded "Something to drink would be nice" Carmen walked over to his side and took the drink he was holding up "thank you" she smiled "now, why don't we just sit and do nothing together? I could use some cuddles" She grinned holding out her arms like she was expecting a hug She still had a few thoughts circling in her head, questions she wanted to ask, some of them were actually just ideas she had and wanted to ask Brayden about, so they weren't the problem. The real issue was with the whole job thing, not just Brayden's but also her's, it was nice but it tied in with a lot of her previous issues so she was thinking of leaving it for something else. Right now though she couldn't, because he needed a job first so she could leave that one for later... So the first thing to do was help Brayden find a job in something he actually liked to do. Which may take a while, she was fine with waiting but didn't want to completely ignore it. (sorry if my replies are all over the place hehe) |
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“There's no one else I'd rather do nothing with.” Smiling widely, Brayden scooped her up into his arms and carried her off to the couch. He held her close, grateful for the fact that he didn't really have anything he needed (or wanted) to talk about. They could just be. Just the two of them. It was nice that way. He sort of hoped it would last forever, or long enough to feel that way. The longer he felt alone in his head, the more he felt like he was doing something wrong. What about school? He felt the subject had been touched on before, but he couldn't quite remember. He could keep a tiny, minimum wage job if he needed to and maybe take some classes he found interesting. That might help, right? Maybe. Just don't say anything about it right now. He looked down at Carmen, giving her a soft kiss and a smile. You're the best person in the whole world I could've ended up with. I wish I was like you, already having a plan for myself. (busy all day, sorry for the late reply >.< it's sorta short too) |
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(no problem!) Carmen got comfortable with him, resting her head against his chest and sighing "the same goes for you, you're my favorite person to spend time with" Carmen closed her eyes and didn't say much for a while, she was happy to sit there and do nothing, but after a day of being away she did still want to talk to Brayden "hey, so we're supposed to get married and we have never been on a real date, at least not one that was supposed to be a date, would you want to maybe go out this weekend?" she asked tilting her head back to look up at him "I think it would be fun" she added smiling Going out wasn't usually her thing, or at least not a thing she was used to Carmen was actually a bit nervous about the idea and worried about how Brayden would take it, given he wasn't much of a people person either. The didn't have to go somewhere busy though so if he did say yes she had a few ideas lined up just in case. |
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“Huh,” Brayden thought for a moment, “We really haven't.” “I'd love to! Where would we go? Like..a restaurant or..or maybe a movie...or..” Jeez, Brayden couldn't remember the last time he'd ever been on a real date before. Probably ever since..well...June. Oh god. He sure as hell wasn't used to dates, but Carmen was probably the best person to go out with, since he knew she wouldn't judge him if he screwed up anything. Which he probably would. No, no, he definitely would. “You know what might be fun..a drive in!” He remembered going with some of his friends back in high school, when he wasn't busy trying not to get beat up by any number of his family members. |
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"I have no clue, I've been on like, two dates, in my entire life" She laughed "ooh, that actually sounds really nice!" Carmen smiled It would be just them in a car, away from strangers with snacks and a movie, it seemed perfect "I'll find out if there are any places nearby that we can go to, if it's too far we can make a day out of it, a miniature road trip" she was excited for this The last time they had really spent time together was at that beach, it had been fun if dates became a more frequent thing she wouldn't mind going there again, but focusing on the here and now Carmen dropped the ideas since it was sorted out now and she could plan it later "Okay, we have something to look forward too, but what do you want to do right now?" she asked snuggling a bit closer |
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“Well, actually...I feel kind of stuck.” He felt bad for 'complaining’ to her again, since he already felt he'd done it too much. Last thing Brayden wanted was to put all of his problems on Carmen, and even possibly drive her away because of it. Though he didn't really think she'd leave him. “I guess I feel like I should already know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Cause, you know...you do, and pretty much everyone else my age does. And I'm stuck. I don't have any big fancy goal to work towards, or any occupation I'm really invested in, nothing like that. And not having that makes me feel kind of empty. And I guess I feel bad for you, too. I feel like I need to do something or I just don't feel good enough...even for myself. I was thinking about maybe just a few online classes that maybe seemed interesting enough to take, ‘cause maybe then I'll find my thing - I mean I've got to have one, right? Everyone does - but I also don't want to work some stupid minimum wage job to keep up with the costs, then I'd feel even more stupid. I dunno why, I just would. And I'm sorry, I guess I just need help and you're really the only person I love enough to trust for help.” Brayden sighed, giving her a soft kiss, “I guess I just feel like I need to do more, because I want you to be proud of me.” That's all he really wanted; was for her to be proud of the fact that he was her (almost) husband. |
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"Stuck...?" Carmen tilted her head She listened to what he was saying and nodded, waiting a few seconds before shifting around a bit so she could hug him "There's nothing wrong with not knowing what you want to do right now" hearing him open up about these insecurities was a good thing-in a way-it meant she could help him, with the job thing and with his self-esteem "Just because you don't have every detail figured out doesn't mean you're not good enough, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Especially not me, I love you already" Carmen smiled kissing his nose "I'm happy you didn't just give up, taking online courses is a great idea! and you can look around to try find things you like. I can help you too if you would like" she suggested "I could look at different career options and try match them to things you enjoy doing" "And you don't have to take a random job to help with costs, but Brayden, I don't think being home all day is the best idea for you either. Maybe we should find something to keep you busy for now, at least something to get you out of the house and keep your mind off of the issue just while we're looking for something better" she took his hands in hers "and it doesn't have to be a job, a hobby could work" "A couple hours away from your thoughts might help with that stuck feeling you have, do you think that would work?" Carmen didn't want him to feel useless and it seemed when he had too much time to think without anything to do he picked on himself, Then again she also didn't want to push him to do anything that may make it worse "we could try find you a hobby right now if you want to?" She added |
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Just hearing her say that. It was almost enough to make him cry. Maybe he'd tried to, but there was no way to show Carmen how much she meant to him. No way at all. Brayden smiled, “God, this is why I love you..” "Oh for sure. Anything to get away from my thoughts. For whatever reason there is literally no way for my mind to stay positive if I feel like Im doing nothing. Makes me feel like a waste." “I mean, what could I even do? There's so many things I could try and yet, there's so many I shouldnt try because I'd probably kill myself in the process.” “Well, I've never done anything with plants...but that's more of an inside thing anyway. Anything to do with the kitchen is a no go, unless maybe I practice enough not to kill myself first. Painting, but I feel like I don't have steady enough hands. Or maybe I do. I dunno. I guess I've never thought of what a hobby could be considered besides the basics.” (sorry for the late reply >.< got busy again) |
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(it isn't a problem! a day isn't really late) "I love you too" Carmen said back, hugging him a bit tighter before sitting back so she could listen to him again "I kind of get feeling like a waste when you aren't doing anything, it isn't great" she sighed "But I don't want you to feel like that,so when you are taking a break from being busy, let me know how I can keep you from feeling bad about it" Carmen paused to think "well...you could try art, it doesn't have to be perfect and as long as you stick to painting then I doubt it could hurt you, but if you aren't really interested in that then what did you like to do when you were still in highschool?" she asked "when you didn't have a job I mean, what did you do with your friends?" an idea might pop up if they went through memories. The ideas didn't even have to be the final choice, it could be a base to work off of so they had a better idea in which direction Brayden might want to go "Did you play sports, did you have a favourite subject?" Carmen tilted her head looking at him as she waited for an answer |
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“Well, I did have a part time job at a plant nursery over the summer! That was fun, I really liked it. It's just so expensive if you want to get the cool trees and plants, plus all their different sunlight and water requirements. It was fun though.” “I tried doing football one year, and I wasn't really athletic enough. Same goes for Track and Field. Besides, I wasn't a fan of all that running. But it's what my friends did, and I didn't want them to think I was a loser. They didn't, but it was clear I wasn't the athlete in our group. “ “I think I remember doing pottery once, as an elective. It was fun, the only thing that bothered me was the way the clay felt when it dried. It gave me that weird feeling some textures do, you know, when your throat gets all scratchy and your eyes water?” “I think in sixth grade I did theater, but only because a creative arts class was required for the transition from elementary to middle school. I wasn't bad, I hated improv though. And that was ninety percent of the class.” “Oh! I did photography my junior year! Luckily I grew up in a pretty photogenic town. Maybe I could get back into that, but with people, you know? Like family portraits and things. I'd have to reteach myself how to use photoshop though. That doesn't sound too fun.” Come to think of it, Brayden had gone through so many hobbies, he couldn't even remember some of them. Damn, he really couldn't make up his mind about what he liked to do. |
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High Winds and Drifting Snow
