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White Oaks Equestrian Centre | Thread | OPEN August 5, 2021 02:45 PM

Tanglewood
 
Posts: 10108
#908761
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well that was a post and a half sva. holy actual cow.

Alexander Littlewood | Rena

A gentle, almost reminiscent smile appeared as Alex spoke. His voice was halting, as if he was still deciding what he would say as he did so. "She was red." A soft laugh, hardly more than a murmur, which ended a moment after it began. "God, it was the deepest scarlet I've seen." Everything in him told him to stop, to backtrack to the place where all they were talking about was silence, and where there was nothing else of him showing other than his physcial attributes. Still, he carried on, his jaw tighening in the pause. "It'd darken at the tips, almost black, and had this - I don't know, blue burgundy hint scattered randomly." He wished he could describe it to its true capacity. Pax was so much more than that. If ever there was a time to suddenly obtain artistic skills and a sketchpad, this was it. It was so vivid in his head, but the ability to adapt the image into words was severely lacking.

"It didn't exactly change if we were together. I've never thought about what I am, really," he trailed off, gaze once more flicking towards the trees. Nothing. That was the truth, or as close as he'd get in the next while. He didn't have the vibrance, charisma, whatever word he happened to choose on that specific day, to embrace a colour palette. It wasn't a purposeful thought process, when he did it for others - each shade was instinctual, something that flashed through his head upon meeting anyone. Not just seeing a person in a crowd, but being in their bubble, silent or conversing, was enough for his mind to notice what they were.

He ached to add onto his ragtag train of thought verbally, to embellish on what he was fairly certain she wouldn't understand. Describing what someone was to that same person was the highest form of trust. He only did that if he was sure that they would take it as such, that they wouldn't brush it off as an idle comment. Would she? The last few hours together had changed something, or maybe restored whatever had happened on that one night, but he still wasn't sure whether it was worth the leap. It was always difficult to translate it into words that were easily understood, and Rena took it to another level. She was everything - not white, she wasn't like that, but a blinding canvas that simaltaneously energized and exhausted him. It was glorious, and there was no chance of him transferring that into the English language. And he wasn't convinced that he could do so without betraying himself in the process.

The smile had faded off his face, but Alex still held an expression that was his equivalent of just that - soft eye contact, the occasional murmur to let her know that he was still listening with interest. "Varsity courses in high school. Jeez." His comment was more one of admiration, light amusement, acknowledgement of the achievement, than one that placed her on a pedestal. "I barely finished school, and a few years late at that. That takes some acing." He glanced up at her, his expression shifting slightly as he registered her change. The difference was so subtle that for a second he thought he'd imagined it - but no. It was there, as minute as it was. He wanted to reach out, check what had changed, but that was a step too far for both of them. Too much too soon, and scaring her off was the last thing he wanted to do.

---

She was half-asleep, and because there was no one to witness it Alex didn't attempt to hide the soft smile directed at her. He was soaking in every moment of it, and although he'd stiffened when she'd first wrapped her arms around him, he was enjoying it more than he would like to admit. There was something peaceful, grounding, about holding someone close for an extended period of time - physical contact wasn't his favourite, but for select people it was bearable. With Rena, though, it was everything.

Alex strained to process her mumbles, and was silent for a long moment while he placed what each remark was about. "That's good," he murmured softly, barely loud enough to hear but spoken clearly to make it slightly easier. In the still night air, it felt like a crime to raise his voice over a whisper.

"Majik?" How was he supposed to answer that? Majik was so much, and impossible to explain in a few words. "He's a good horse." True in terms of talent and potential, but more of a lie on other fronts. "At least, he tries." Don't we all. "He's a character, alright. I owe him my collarbone and a handful of cracked ribs." He chose not to mention the various other injuries the gelding had accidently caused - concussion, multiple sprains, fractured leg, and an assortment of milder ailments - Rena was perfectly capable of handling herself, and the list might be too time-consuming for now. "You need to be aware of your surroundings on him, more than most. Don't even think of any artificial aids - he's very touchy and needs barely a nudge to bolt, so a crop'll be a disaster. He likes a breeze on the track every so often - too much energy, that horse - and needs a good long warm-up. Partly because he takes a while to settle down, and partly because he works better he's aware of where and what everything is.." He paused every now and again - his self-consciousness gone, this was rather a way to gather his thoughts. "He'll jump his heart out for you once he trusts you. Still needs a bit of work with the bigger ones, but he's getting there. Might want to lunge him before some of your rides. Majik's very spooky, so you can trust him and still be on the alert. He's a love, but if he's riding alongside another horse at anything faster than a walk, it's likely he'll burst ahead and try to race. Just something to be aware of, but don't let it freak you out." He doubted that she would, and felt it necessary to add, "though I don't think you would."

He rambled on for a few minutes, going into more detail on the gelding's every quirk and whim. It was clear that he knew the horse well, by his knowledge and unabashed tangent about him. Even though Rena's eyes were closed, he carried on until the immediate tips about Majik had been said. It wasn't necessary to say the smallest details about him, and since Rena's murmured replies were getting further apart, it was apparent that her attention was waning. Admittedly, he wasn't exactly focused on the topic either. They sat in tranquil silence for a while. She was gradually looking more and more asleep, and he culdn't keep his gaze off her. She seemed so peaceful, so at rest, so unconscious of whatever usually set her on edge. He hadn't been fully aware of it when she was awake, but now it was blatantly obvious that there was always something that made her slightly uncomfortable. The contrast was smaller between the Rena of an hour ago and the current Rena, but it was an unfathomable gap when one compared her and the Rena whenever Max, or someone else she wasn't uncomfortable with, was around. He traced her outline with his gaze, following her hair, her face, the gentle crease in her brow, and her shoulders rising and falling steadily.

Her words, as softly-spoken as they were, jerked him out of his thoughts. He suddenly felt guilty, conscious of the vulnerability he could have intruded on. All he could think was, she saw me looking. He was self-aware enough to know that his eyes hadn't had their usual distant touch - they were searching, breathing in the presence of someone he hadn't known a week ago - but he couldn't quite process that fact. Surely, it had been longer than that? Maybe the whole Rena-almost-dying thing had sped up their friendship.

It took a second to catch her sleepily-mumbled words, and when he did, it took another moment for him to decide how he felt about them. The corners of his lips pricked mildly, slowly, though there was still a regretful hint to his gaze. He almost replied, still undecided what he would say when he opened his mouth, but something pulled him back. This was a moment he didn't want to ruin, and he was all too aware how likely that was if he spoke. Instead, Alex tightened his grip on her - somehow, though he wasn't entirely conscious of doing so, his arm had wrapped around her in response - and rested his fingers over her shoulder after one stroke. And then a murmur, quiet enough that she wouldn't catch anything more than a breath. "Blue. Light blue, the sun just catching the clouds at first light, streaks of pale pink." He paused, even though she was almost definitely asleep and his voice was almost nonexistent. "Dawn."

White Oaks Equestrian Centre | Thread | OPEN August 5, 2021 06:48 PM
Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#908826
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Shiloh Guidry || Whiskey Neat || Heather ; open
"I appreciate it kindly Heather."
He smiled when he said it and watched as the woman's gleding came happily to join their small group of creatures and humans alike. He had noticed the accent and it made some tension in his shoulders drop a knotch or two.
Whiskey let out a puff of air and stomped his foot at the arrival of the gelding but a sharp look and a muttered 'hey now' shut him up. Shiloh offered the chocolate stud a pat on the shoulder and stepped back a bit to give they grey gelding his space.
"You certainly arent from here either then are you?"
Shiloh questioned as Heather clipped on her boy's lead. He assumed she was from somewhere like Texas but it had been awhile since he had been in the South and it had been a damn long time since he had been to Texas so he truly was not sure.
"I noticed the accent, thats why I ask."
He chuckled, realizing that such a prying question may have been a bit much since they had hardly just met.
"I myself am from a small place called Independence Louisiana. By small I mean real small, hardly anyone there at all but a pastor and. his kids."
He let out a deep laugh at this, his mind wandering to old Brother Jake and his kids (who he had grown up with).
Shiloh liked to share that kinda stuff. As much as he hated Lousiana he loved the people, they had never wronged him. Sometimes he even fantasized about going back to Independence and marrying that same pastor's pretty daughter Caroline. Deep into the daydream when they had had a couple of kids would he remember why that would never happen and why he would never go back. Why he never wanted to go back.
He was imagining her now in the silence of the yard. He saw that pretty blonde hair and that wide grin of hers, Lord knew she had the prettiest bottle green eyes he had ever seen, and she made the best damn pies West of the Mississippi. If she had turned out to be a quarter of the wife she promised she would, Shiloh would have died a happy man. If only that poor girl got the chance.
The shepherd's wagging tail happily thwacked his calf then and Shiloh shook himself from his head and offered Heather a real good smile. Not the time he thought to be thinking of all that fanciful crap. Not the time.
White Oaks Equestrian Centre | Thread | OPEN August 5, 2021 09:35 PM

Aspen Fire ES
 
Posts: 6347
#908855
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Heather Proudstorm | 22 | Eventing | Titanium "Storm" and Open | School Horse: WO Descendents Of Khan "Khan" | M: Shiloh, Open

-Heather lead the gelding out of the pasture, Storm pinned his ears at the other equine's response but he was corrected by the red brunette with a short but soft tug on the lead. She turned her attention back to Shiloh, hearing his question about her accent- "Oh uh, I'm from Florida. Well the country side of it with my younger sibling." -She answered, accompanied with a shy smile. Toby looked back at Heather for permission if he can say hello to the man which the young woman allowed her dog to go say hi to Shiloh-

"Lousiana? sounds like a nice place." -Heather politely said, she was actually enjoying this talk with the fellow southener. Toby would be sitting in front of Shiloh's feet, looking up at the man while wagging his tail as if asking for some head pats while using his pup eye trick with his golden brown eyes. Heather's hair would be a dark brown at the roots as it fades into a bit of a light brown then it fades in to the red dyed bottom parts of it. She has fair tanned skin from how much time she spends outside, her eyes would hold a normal green color to them. She held a fit, athletic build with very toned muscles from many years of riding but her figure held a feminine shape. The length of her hair would stop perfectly between the middle of her shoulder blades, despite it being in a ponytail-

-Heather started walking back to the barn with Shiloh and his Equine while the Shepherd leads the way happily. Even though she already knew the man since they just meet, only knowing his name and where he came from, she felt very relaxed around him like how she's relaxed around her group and her younger sibling as if she didn't have to put her walls up around him at all, honestly, it felt pretty nice for once. Storm tossed his head a bit, prancing a bit next to her which the young woman rolled her eyes at the colorful gelding- "Oh stop being a show off, ya goof." -She teasingly said to her equine-

-Once they've entered the barn and got the horses put away in their stalls, Heather showed Shiloh around the barn while Toby trailed behind them- "Over there is the office." -she pointed to the office on the far left- "The tack room is back over behind us to our right, the wash stalls are all the way down there and the indoor arena is to left when you reach the wash stalls."


Edited at August 7, 2021 03:25 PM by Aspen Fire ES
White Oaks Equestrian Centre | Thread | OPEN August 6, 2021 08:43 AM

Avenoir Acres
 
Posts: 4798
#908913
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All the | drama

“I just, I don’t know, Vik,” her eyes glowed with wonder that he had seldom seen in the lifetime they’d spent together. “I get this overwhelming feeling that no matter what I do, no matter what he does, we’re going to end up together anyway. There’s something there I can’t explain, it’s different than anything I’ve ever felt before.” She glanced over at him, trying to read his expression. Something was off, she just wasn’t entirely sure what. “Are you okay? You seem distant.”

He glanced over at her, shaking his head. “I was just thinking about the fact that I left my bridle out, sorry. I was listening. Will you go down with me to put it away?”

“Yeah, a walk is a walk,” she replied gently, following him the rest of the way down the path as they resumed their conversation about Alex and the events of the night that had faded into the earliest signs of dawn. It wasn’t until they reached the tack room door that she stopped short, face falling. “Oh my God.”

Rushing into the dark room, Rena fell to the man’s side, checking for a pulse or any sign of life. It was so faint she checked twice just to ensure she hadn’t picked up her own pulse accidentally. “What’s the emergency number here?” She was very calm, but there was a frantic aura about her placidity. She doubted he would know the answer, but it was worth asking out loud.

“9-1-1,” he replied, not looking at the blood spilling out around his brother. Her hands moved from cradling his face to her cell phone, shakily dialing the numbers he told her. Yet, when she gave the address and explained what had happened, the woman on the other end of the line asked if this was a different situation than the one that had been called into the same location about fifteen minutes earlier. Her blood froze, her heart stopped. Obviously there was foul play here, but knowing that someone had called it in prior to their discovery of him filled her with utter terror. Viktor was pale as he stood, unable to take it in, staring at anything else. He was so terrible with blood, he always had been.

The next hours were spent at the hospital with Rena and Viktor mostly silent. She fell asleep on his shoulder after the first five hours of waiting, utterly exhausted from almost twenty-four hours with nothing but the catnap she’d taken in Alex’s arms just an hour or so before all hell broke loose. She had so many questions, so much to say, but none of it seemed important--not yet. Not until she knew whether Max would be okay or not, though the possibility of the latter filled her with a fear she couldn’t express. They were just getting back on good terms, things were finally looking up. She couldn’t imagine losing him after they had just made up, they’d just spent a peaceful afternoon at church together. There was hope for their friendship again, something neither thought they’d see. And now he was laying on an operating table, letting medical professionals fight for his life.

After a solid seven or eight hours at the hospital, it was mid-morning and there was finally news. Max was still alive, but barely. There was nothing stable about his condition, nothing was guaranteed. Yet, there was nothing they could do but wait. And, after hours upon hours of praying rosaries and chaplets and novenas and anything else she could think of, Rena went home in the late afternoon to help in a more practical way. The doctor mentioned that they discovered a note indicating that he had been injected with ricin and asked whether they lived on or near a castor farm. That was enough information for her to use to begin searching for what exactly had happened to Max. Or rather, why.

“I need your help,” Rena said, showing up at Alex’s door. “Judging by the crime scene tape all over the property, you definitely know by now that something happened to Max last night. I need you to help me figure out what.”

She let herself in, placing her laptop on Max’s bed. She sat down and started searching for local castor plant fields, a process that took hours. They spoke some, but in similar fashion to the other moments they had shared, completely avoided the topic of what happened between them. It was as if it never happened, it was as if they were once again acquaintances, ones who didn’t need alcohol to embrace the feelings they had for one another. Yet, she wasn’t nervous, she didn’t avoid him. She was too tired to avoid him. By mid-evening, they found three fields within an hour of the farm, and before he could chase after her, she was already out the door, on her way to investigate. “I need to do this alone,” she insisted, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

Famous last words. Rena had been locked in a cell in an abandoned barn for what could have been days, or even weeks. All she knew was that it was pitch black. She couldn’t tell day from night, one hour from the next. She was completely and utterly helpless, now rendered completely unable to help Max. She didn’t even know if he was still alive. In the beginning, she liked to think that he was, but as time went on and all hope of being rescued was lost, she found it easier to think he had died. Maybe it was because she expected to join him shortly thereafter. Maybe it was because if he was already dead, anything she could have done to help would have been a mute point anyway.

By what she assumed was the fourth or fifth day, Rena had lost all hope. Everything she knew was a lie. The truth had set in, the truth about everything. Some amount of time before, what she imagined to be a day or two, she heard familiar footsteps squeaking on the floorboards above. Viktor’s. She was used to the sound of the other man’s, the man who had kidnapped her or the person guarding her or whoever it was. Someone she knew, she imagined, because all they fed her were those wretched dining hall eggs. They tasted even worse when they came with the knowledge that her kidnapping was personal. Max’s murder was personal.

For the first ten or twenty minutes of his being there, Rena screamed and screamed for him, begging for his help. She wanted to be rescued, finally, to get answers. But, as time went on, his silence became deafening. She could barely make out the conversation he was having with the other man, a voice she didn’t recognize. He wasn’t here for her, this wasn’t a rescue mission. Viktor had some part in the attempted murder of his brother, he was affiliated with these people. He had been bringing the eggs. He had been the one to warn them that Rena was coming.

The next few days, if they were even days, were spent in hopelessness. In despair. In numbness. She stopped eating the eggs, it was easier to starve. She just wanted to die, nothing mattered anymore. She came up with a plan that would end the suffering either way, no matter how reckless it was. Then, she executed it.

The next time Viktor came was the first day of rain she had experienced since she had been in the barn. In a sick way, she wondered if she’d been in here so long it became April. She remembered the American saying, ‘April showers bring May flowers’ and recalled that it had been late March when she’d last had access to a calendar. To anything, really. All she had in the cell with her was a shabby wool blanket they’d thrown down early on, to prevent her from getting cold, she presumed. It didn’t--she shivered herself to sleep every night, on the nights she got sleep. Yet, they hadn’t touched her. It seemed like she was just there to be prevented from meddling, from being a hero. She almost would have rather been hurt by them, it would have given her captivity some meaning. All she’d done was bruise herself up--badly, thanks to her blood disorder--trying to break through the walls, trying to escape. She’d given up as of late, but the bruises remained a terrible reminder of the battle she’d fought from within this prison. She was almost terrified to be released, for she knew she looked much worse than what had happened to her. It was dramatic in its own right. Yet, she would have to face the world sooner or later, whether on a stretcher or in a casket was yet to be decided.

The rain leaked through the floorboards, soaking Rena thoroughly and making her shiver. Her limbs were numb, which only complicated the plan. Still, after an extremely painful twenty minutes, she’d managed to slice her wrist with the fork they gave her for the eggs to the point where it gushed blood. “Viktor,” she cried, her voice hoarse from the silence of her time in captivity. It felt foreign to hear herself speak again, as if she were separated from her body. “I’m bleeding, you know I’ll die if you don’t get me to a hospital.” Silence. Then, quiet words mumbled between the pair. Some sort of agreement that involved Max. The floorboards opened, revealing the whitest light she’d ever seen, blinding her. Was that what daylight looked like? She covered her eyes with the hand that wasn’t gushing with blood, feeling Viktor help lift her out. It wasn’t as deep of a cell as she had initially thought, quite shallow and barely enough room for her to move around. Since she had been sustaining herself on one daily plate of eggs that she’d eventually gave up eating, she wasn’t strong enough to walk, not that Viktor seemed willing to let her try anyway. He lifted her up and carried her to the car, driving as fast as he could through the little pathway in the field onto the main roads towards the hospital.

“Rena, stay with me, okay? I need you to listen to me.” By this point, she was very pale, most of the vitality she had left consumed by the precious moments the two men had spent bickering about what needed to be done.

“I don’t want to hear what you have to say,” she muttered weakly, her voice trailing off in little mumbles. “Why did you let him do that to Max, to me?”

“Max was caught up in some shady business in Romania, it followed him here. In order to try and get him out of it, I got caught up in it too. It was never supposed to go down like this, though. I didn’t know they were going to kill him, I didn’t know they were going to kidnap you.”

“I don’t know who to trust anymore.” She slumped against the side of the car, blood covering her torn clothing. “You led me to discover him that night. You called 9-1-1 first.”

“I didn’t know they wanted him dead, I wanted to save his life. I needed someone other than myself to call it in so that they wouldn’t come after me next. But, I caved. Max’s life is more important than anything else.” He paused, then glanced at her in an emotional way she didn’t understand. “Katarena, I need you to listen to me. I love you so much, remember that. Don’t remember this, remember the good parts, okay? I know you love me too, there’s nothing left unsaid between us. I’m going to pull up to the hospital and I need you to be strong for me, one last time. Make your way through those doors so you can get help. Everything is going to be okay.”

“Whatever you’re going to do,” she mumbled faintly, “don’t. Please. I...need...you.”

A little while later, a frantic knock sounded on his and Reggie’s door. When the man opened the door, he spoke hurriedly, full of adrenaline and a fear that if he slowed down, he wouldn’t be able to follow through with his plan. Rena’s words were already swimming around his head, making him feel like he had a choice in the matter. He knew it wasn’t true, but he wanted it to be. And if he let it marinate long enough, he would think that if he wanted anything badly enough, it could be true. He had to do what he had to do to keep his family safe, Rena included.

“Reggie, no time. There’s a box under my bed, I need you to distribute the letters inside to the people they’re addressed to. Thank you.”

Turning down the corridor, he knocked on Alex’s door. He almost felt guilt for what he would be putting on this man’s shoulders, or maybe it was doubt because he wasn’t sure anyone could love Rena the way that he had for all those years. He had been her confidant, counselor, best friend, and everything else since about the time they could talk. He didn’t know if anyone could fill those shoes. “They found Rena,” he said hastily, “she’s at the hospital. You should go see her, she’s going to need you.” His English, for once, was well rehearsed and clear. He had practiced everything he was going to say for several days. Even if she hadn’t stabbed herself, he was working on a plan to get her out. He’d been preparing for this. Then, more stoically, he added, “take care of her, okay? Don’t let her go.”

A little while later, Rena awoke in the hospital. She’d stumbled just to the inside of the automatic doors before she’d gone crashing into the floor, hitting her head and gaining a mild concussion to go with her blood loss. “Sofia? Katya?” She studied their faces weakly, her eyes fluttering open and shut as she adjusted to her new surroundings. She was still very, very confused, everything felt like a blur. “You’re both crying, what happened?” She thought about it for a moment, then the truth hit her like a ton of bricks. “He’s dead, isn’t he? Viktor?”

“He crashed his car into the side of a barn,” Katya said coldly, though tears still remained in her eyes. She was so...medical...sometimes. Sofia was a mess of tears and emotion, unable to hold herself together. Rena would always see her as a little girl, though she was only a few years younger. She knew this would turn her into a woman, if the world hadn’t already. It’d been a long time since the two girls had seen one another. “The police said there was blood at the scene that wasn’t his, he must have been trying to protect himself.”

She fought the burning sensation in her throat that was due to more than just her living situation for the past while, urging herself to stay strong. Someone had to be the strong one, someone had to ‘win’ grief. She could sort the emotions out later, once she was the person she needed to be for everyone else. “He wasn’t protecting himself,” she said softly, “he was protecting us.”

She was covered in bruises still, more of her skin blues and yellows and purples and greens than its actual tan pigment. She almost felt ashamed of herself, of the emotional toll she knew her appearance would take on everyone she encountered. According to the girls, Viktor had kept her disappearance private, mentioning that he saw her every so often to anyone who asked, keeping Hugo fit for her, and so on. Only Alex knew, other than Viktor, about the fact that Rena had gone missing. Yet, he knew so little at that. Still, despite her absolutely gruesome appearance, she was much better than could be expected. In a matter of hours, once her blood transfusions and the police questioning had concluded, the doctors were prepared to send her home. Except, she had no idea where home was anymore. The idea of living her life from this point forward was a concept her mind had not and would not fully grasp. For so long, all she could think about was how it would end. She hadn't seen a future beyond that musty, damp cell.

White Oaks Equestrian Centre | Thread | OPEN August 6, 2021 03:49 PM

Tanglewood
 
Posts: 10108
#909002
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Alexander Littlewood | who actually knows at this point

The file beneath his books was growing daily. Whether by purpose or accident, Alex found himself writing something, anything, that he knew needed to be said but was equally certain never would. They were safe from view, and there was little chance of them being sent, and so it was easier than he'd expected to write the truth on those small papers. It was always a risk that someone would find them, but the ease and comfort that the words brought was an unfamiliar feeling that he wanted to hold onto for as long as he'd allow himself to. Just like every other badly-concealed but still true emotion he'd felt in the last week. Besides, no one would go rooting around his desk - he'd last picked up the bottom book to read over a month before, and it wasn't intriguing enough to attract someone's attention. Most weren't that interested by the Communist Manifesto, least of all in a southern US state. He was almost surprised that no one had made a huge deal of it yet; but then again, barely anyone was ever in his room. Especially now, but he refused to let himself go there. That was a thought for another day, of which he hoped would never dawn.

Dear Rena. The way each of the letters began, even if they held little relevance to her. The point was that she was the only person he felt vaguely comfortable saying this to - albeit written and with no way of giving it to her - not that it actually involved her. He'd always been unsure how to begin a journal entry - 'dear diary' was far too informal for an inanimate object, and for some reason he was unable to start without a heading or an intro of some sort. This, he told himself, was simply a way to write regularly without becoming stuck on the first line. That was all it was.

That was how it had begun, at least. Now, Alex found it irritatingly tempting to write one as if he'd would truly give it to her. That was the only thing that made him simultaneously want to stop writing them, and also never let go of his pen. It was confusing, conflicting, just like every other thing she'd caused. There was nothing fixed, which was what made it so terrifying. It felt like drowning.

At this point, though, everything felt like drowning. It was happening again, and just like a rewind he was once again helpless to stop it. A tidal wave, and his legs were frozen to the ground. He shouldn't be feeling this, he should be better by now, and those words were as worthless as always. They did nothing to help, other than both removing and renewing his misdirected anger. They were pointless, and that somehow made it so much worse. Everything was hollow, empty, void of anything that might have made a difference.

He rode his horses, pitched at the occasional lesson to at least pretend that he was trying, ignored every attempt at interaction with non-four-legged creatures. It was back at the beginning and below even that. The room was full of too much otherness to stay in, and so he'd taken to wandering the property until he passed out - purposefully or not, it depended on the night - in the early hours of the morning, in order to catch a couple of hours of rest before the motion restarted. Not that he cared completely - but at some point, his body would shut down, forcing him to doze for a short while at the very least. Even so, it wasn't even close to the escape he wanted. The nightmares weren't visually memorable, but the sounds. Oh, the sound. It was a combination of memories and his worst fears, and everything that he never wanted to revisit or imagine. They were the reasons he struggled to sleep, exaggerated now more than ever, but they were why it had first begun. The only way to escape them was to stay awake, to ward off the demons that would inevitably come circling as soon as he relaxed.

He could vaguely remember Kholo asking him about how he was, or Conrad checking why he'd missed the last four lessons, and the occasional onlooker telling him to sit down. A sharp nod, as curt an answer as he could manage, and they disappeared as quickly as they'd come. It was better that way - he'd only been proven yet again that it wasn't worth the pain of dropping his guard. It brought only torment, for both him and the other person. And what had he gained from it? A few days of peace, precious moments of eye contact, another reminder to harden his heart. Nothing.

At first, when she - he refused to say her name - hadn't returned after dark, he hadn't worried too much. She probably had taken a long time at the farm, and needed longer to drive back than expected. (He'd conveniently forgotten that the farm was less than thirty minutes away.) But when morning had come and still no Rena, his anxiety had risen. Not just the average level, I'm-feeling-worried concern, but an overwhelming sense that something, everything, was wrong. By the time mid-morning had come and gone, he'd fought Viktor's decision not to tell anyone that Rena was missing. They could do something, make a difference. They could try. Wasn't that what everything was about? Trying, failing, lying on the ground until you found the strength to drag yourself together and try again. This mantra had faded from its temporary place in his mind very, very quickly. Now, the anxiety that had plagued him for the first two days was gone, replaced by a forcefully apathetic guise that slipped frequently.

A knock on the door broke through his numbness, barely. He'd landed here, although the room had already done enough damage for one day, to find something he'd hidden in his cupboard. After a few minutes of searching, Alex had forgotten what it was in the first place. It was irrelevant, unnecessary, and still he clawed through the achingly empty shelves, hunting for something that probably didn't exist outside of his mind. It was important, it was a link to an echo of something in the past. Whatever it was.

Alex managed to step towards the door without too much trouble. It took a moment for Viktor's words to register, but when they did there was an unmistakable change in his posture. It was as if someone had knocked him back, even though he stayed standing. "I won't." And then, realizing that he couldn't promise something he might not be able to keep, "I...I'll try. What happened?" Before his question could be answered, Vik had disappeared.

Seeming to dredge up his last reserves of energy, he grabbed a jacket from the still-open cupboard, slinging it through his arms as he jogged down the passage. His eyes were still bloodshot, and everything other than the clean jersey was unkempt, but there was a renewed purpose in his stormy gaze. It only paused once he was out of the building, and remembered that not only did he not have a driver's license or vehicle, it wasn't likely that any of the instructors would be keen to drive a student who'd been ghosting their lessons for the past week. Kholo could have been willing, but that wasn't an option. Speaking to anyone was too draining to consider. Instead, he began walking albeit at a slower pace down the driveway. Somehow, it seemed like the most logical option was to walk to the hospital himself. It would takes ages, yes, and it was doubtful he had enough energy for the distance, but it felt logical nonetheless. Besides, he knew the route well.

After some time had passed - again, his watch had been forgotten - the reason behind his decision was dwindling. Who in their right mind would have done that? He snorted coldly, even though or because there was no one else around. Was he in his right mind? What exactly was a right mind? Whatever it was, he doubted he was in possesion of it.

He walked, if one could call such a tired stumble that, into the hospital a while later. It took a moment to convince the nurse that he was in fact an adopted cousin of Katarena Suta's whose mother had married a wine farm manager who struggled to contain his allergies in the spring, and did he know of any good nasally transfused antibiotics? Possibly because of his lack of sleep, he was able to spin an even wilder story than usual that still somehow bordered in the lines of realism. How, he was undecided. By that point, the man had simply let him through with a comment of Rena's ward.

It took another ten minutes to reach that room - he'd quite literally bumped into the doctor who'd overseen most of his fractures, and that had taken a few minutes to escape from the man's questions. But when he finally did, he froze in the doorway. He should never have come. Max was sick, possibly dead, and all he thought would help was his presence? What warped kind of thinking was that? He should leave, pretend that he'd mixed up the patient's surname, make his painstaking way back to the barn and forget the entire incident. It was pointless - there was so much that was said, so much that was unsaid, and both were too fragile to move any further. He should leave.

Still, he stepped forward. His gaunt figure was already visible, but as soon as he noticed the two women beside her bed he wanted to run. She already had people visiting her, comforting her - surely that was enough? He could disappear and wipe this memory from his mind, he had practice with that. Frozen, his eye slanded everywher ebut the person in mind. The need to see her and check that she was okay -as okay as she could be, given the circumstances - had driven him up until this point, and now that too was gone.

[i should really proofread and revise this, but this may be the best you'll get for a bit since now, plus that fever, i could sleep for days on end and also cough for equal that time. oh the joys of life.]

White Oaks Equestrian Centre | Thread | OPEN August 6, 2021 11:37 PM

Avenoir Acres
 
Posts: 4798
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Viktor’s Letter to Alex

Alex,

I hope this message finds you well. I had to use Google Translate to write this, so I hope it makes sense to you. By the time you read this, I'll be gone and my family will be safe again, including Rena. She was my best friend from before we could talk to the end, we went through it all together. She's not going to take this well and you'll know that if she seems to be taking it amazingly. She is terrified of imperfection, of vulnerability, of not being the right person for exactly every scenario and she will postpone my grief until she feels that everyone else is cared for and stable, which could take months to years. If it's something like when her brother died, she'll put on the perfect picture of power and make sure everyone else is okay, even if she breaks inside. When she can't do it, she'll pretend to do errands, find the nearest Catholic church, and cry her eyes until she puts her mask back on. I know how specific she is, Rena is a very specific person, take her from someone who has been with her for every moment of her life. She will obsess over the five stages of the pain, she will hurry through them and she will tell everyone that she is further in the process than she is. Then one day, when everything starts to feel good again, she will break. Rena feels emotions at a level that I can't understand either, but only when she can afford it. When she breaks, it will break every piece of her until it numbs. You won't know it's happening unless she has enough confidence in you to let you in, which I hope will. I'm afraid it won't be. She can't let herself show people her pain, I never understood her, but she walks in horror at what would happen if she were left vulnerable. Then she will talk about me constantly. This is the first sign of hope. Once she stops obsessing over me in the last phase, she will stop talking about me. Eventually, she will stop thinking about me. I tell you all this because I know how much she loves you. She told me in depth her feelings for you. I don't know how you feel about her, nor am I sure she will, but I hope you will stand by her in my absence if you feel a fraction of what she feels for you. Don't give up on her, don't let her convince you that this is the best option. Be persistent and always love her. You're all that's left now. Hold her tight and don't let her go, for me.

Viktor

Viktor’s Letter to Reggie

Reggie,

I hope this message finds you well. I had to use Google Translate to write this, so I hope it makes sense to you. It wasn't a greater joy for me than meeting you recently. I liked all the time we spent together, I was very happy. I am sorry that our time together must end so soon, I hope you understand that what I have done is to protect my family. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to them, so I did everything I could to make sure nothing happened. In my absence, I need you to take care of Rena, but especially Max. He never knew a breath without me in his life, we were everything to each other. He fights so hard for his life, then he will have to fight every day of his life to walk without his other half. I can't imagine what I'm asking him to do, I couldn't live a day without him. He may be arrogant, manipulative and calculated, but he is my brother and I need you to love him as if he were yours. He never lost anyone, not even grandparents, so I can't imagine what that will be like for him. Help him reunite with Rena, her friendship and experience with loss will be crucial to his healing. I'm afraid that if their friendship doesn't heal, Max will never heal again. Do not let him dwell in it, do not let him remain in pain forever. He will use his pain as a weapon and try to hurt people, he will want to make others suffer as he suffers. Don't let anyone fool you, he is incapable of being alone, no matter how much he pushes people. Help him forgive me for what I do to save him. As for Rena, she will try to fool everyone, believing she is invincible. She feels things deeper than anyone knows. I asked Alex to protect her, but, like Maximilian, I beg you to love Rena as I loved her. Let them cry over me if they have to, but don't let them stay there. Promise me they won't suffer forever. Tell them that you care as much as you can about them, that there is hope for the future. Until we meet again in heaven, my friend.

Viktor

White Oaks Equestrian Centre | Thread | OPEN August 7, 2021 12:27 AM

Avenoir Acres
 
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Rena | Alex, Katya, Sofia

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” she smiled softly, holding the younger girl tightly while she cried. “It’s not okay, but it’s going to be, Sofia. And until it is, we can sit here and talk about him or we can talk about anything but or we can sit in total silence. I’m here for you, I’m strong, I will protect you and take as much of your pain as I can, okay? I’ve got you, I’m here.”

Katya sat on the other side of Sofia, a distant, lost expression on her face. She looked overwhelmed, exhausted, any one of the emotions bogging her mind down and preventing her from making rational decisions. Rena’s ability to turn her emotions off in such an extreme way was something Katya had envied for years. Then again, she hadn’t had nearly as much loss as the younger woman. She wondered if it was a skill that was honed with practice, with years of crippling emotional pain, or if it was simply something some people were born able to do. Either way, Rena seemed to be handling this so well, she was comforting Sofia so well, she was doing everything well. It was both a relief and a stressor for the eldest sister. If she was as incompetent in this situation as she felt, why was she here? Why not just fly back across the country to finish her residency in Portland? At least she could be saving lives instead of sitting in a chair wondering why her dead brother’s best friend and her dying brother’s ex-girlfriend was so much better at grieving than she was.

Sofia was still buried into Rena’s crippled frame, so she didn’t notice the tall, brooding figure looming in the doorway. Katya did, though, and she watched the way his eyes edged around Rena’s figure but couldn’t directly take in the sight of her condition. Even for only eleven days of hell, Rena looked horrific. Her blood disorder had always made her swell up and bruise everywhere, but this was the worst Katya had seen her in a very long time--since her bad car accident, she recalled. The girl was still grieving and had reached the point where all she felt was apathy. Her carelessness had nearly gotten her killed and landed her in the hospital for weeks. The bruising and the small wounds she’d accrued were similar to that, but she was gaunt, gray, and she’d dropped ten to twenty pounds in that short period. She wasn’t a skeleton, but she was closer to one than she was to the Rena Katya had last seen in Romania last holiday season. She was disturbing to look at, even the medical professional of the trio could admit.

“Who are you?” She asked coldly, unwilling to put on any pleasantries for the stranger. It was what it was, and it was the way it was. She wasn’t obligated to sugarcoat anything. Rena glanced up from her position comforting Sofia, a glazed-over look in her eye as she studied him. She hadn’t expected to see him so soon, she was hoping to get in a shower and a change of clothes first, maybe some makeup to return the color to her skin. Still, she offered him the slightest, most forced smile.

“Alex.” Her gaze floated over him softly, not stopping anywhere for too long. He looked the way she felt. Not so banged up, but just plain rough. His hair was longer than he usually kept it, messy and disheveled. He looked like he had skipped some meals too, and he hadn’t slept in at least a week. His clothes were wrinkled and the look on his face was equally the most unreadable and the most obvious thing she’d witnessed all day. He looked like he’d seen a ghost, but he was trying not to show it. She started looking around for her things, though she’d come in with nothing. Sofia brought her a pair of clothes from her dorm that she never would have paired together in her life, which she was still yet to change into. “Katya, where’s my cane? I’m ready to go back to the farm.” The word home felt too foreign, too bitter. “You can stay with Max, I’ll take Sofia back with me. I need a driver,” she smiled softly at the girl, who’d pulled it together just slightly in the company of a stranger. She was a carbon copy of any of the other Petrovas, but especially Viktor. Rena forced herself not to think about it, with the switch flipped and her emotions off for the foreseeable future.

“I’ll go get the paperwork started,” Katya said softly. “Sofia, come with.”

After the two girls had brushed past Alex on their way out of the room, Rena looked out behind them, ensuring they were gone before she spoke. “Viktor’s dead, if you haven’t heard. From what I hear, Max is still fighting for his life? Still up in ICU? And what about you? How have you been?” The tone of her voice was even, way too even. The smile was forced, her eyes gave her away. Everything behind them was blank, distant, detached. “I’m sorry for any turbulence I added to your life in the last two weeks.” It was said with this uncertainty, this skepticism that terrified her. How had he taken her disappearance? How much had it affected him? He looked bad, but maybe it was unrelated. She’d convinced herself that he didn’t care, and it had all been in her head. After all, she’d been the one to make all the moves, hadn’t she? He’d let what happened between them happen out of pity. That conversion of thought had occupied her energy for the last seven or so days of captivity, and standing face-to-face with him left her confused about what the true truth was. Not that it mattered, she’d turned off her feelings until she decided she wanted to schedule feeling them again, and love, like grief, was just another word to a feeling she was currently quite far removed from.
White Oaks Equestrian Centre | Thread | OPEN August 7, 2021 08:37 AM

Amhain Dull Liath
 
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Silas Su-Jin | M: Willa

Su-Jin blinked slowly and comfortably as she spoke, listening to her descriptions in silent satisfaction. He was glad she'd been more talkative than Sawyer hyped her up to be. Not that he wouldn't have loved her all the same if she were the quiet type, he just enjoyed learning about people-- how they feel, what they do. It gave him a deep warm feeling all throughout, hearing that bit of openness. This specimen in particular was most good. Willa seemed like a harder shell to crack, and yet he was graced with her words. How exciting!

A quiet little hum left him every so often, just enough to say he was still listening until it was his turn to speak. A sweet melody it was, despite how short. He wasn't much of a singer, but those little peeps could be quite soothing, given you'd listen for their faintness. Some things Willa mentioned sparked his curiosity, though he forced himself not to prick and prod, assuming that if it was something she wanted to bring up with him, she probably wouldn't have danced around the topic. No need to ruin the goodness of the moment.

The question he soon received was most important. It was imperative, in his mind, that people knew his ever so confusing stance on names. He adored the millions of different things people would call him, enjoying keeping things fresh and new regardless of how inconvenient it may be for listeners to understand. "Oh! That depends on the continent. Technically, Silas. But also technically Su-Jin. Not Lee. Holy shit, I have three first names. That's too bad. You know what? Just come up with your own. That's much better. I have, like, three million nicky names."

Though he was clearly excitable, it was heavily deafened by his calm, two-seconds-from-passing-out state of being. The words hardly reflected the expression and posture of which Su-Jin carried. One might assume he was on some sort of feel-funny dentist drugs, from both appearance and those spontaneous spurts of glee thrown in here and there.

Su-Jin paused a moment, same sleepy smile from hours past, then looked over at his partner expectantly. "What'll it be, Willer?"

The scattered buildings they now approached were quite incomprehensible to him. For the most part, it was just take a guess and hope you don't end up in the ladies room, or something. Su-Jin glanced around at everything, not showing any signs of real thinking. Then at some point he locked on to a building that looked somewhat professional and decided that must be it, with a "meh" sort of confidence that could definitely be troublesome.

White Oaks Equestrian Centre | Thread | OPEN August 7, 2021 02:26 PM

Tanglewood
 
Posts: 10108
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Drew Meyer | Open!

[Drew] ohmygosh u have got to wake up
[Drew] right now this very instant.
[Drew] or else i might do something suspect

(6 missed calls at 0:57am)

Hunter is typing...

[Hunter] You'd better buck the hell up and stop. I'm awake, stop whatever idiotic thing you were gonna do. What's up?

[Drew] yayy you're up. nothing, just wanted to say hi :))))

[Hunter] Can I please punch you now? It's 1am.

[Drew] with pleasure ;) when are u coming out to the party??? im boreddd

[Hunter] Go to bed.

[Drew] awww ur adorable. sleeping is boringg

[Hunter] Drew, stop a sec. Where are you and how drunk are you?

[Drew] yes :))))))))))))))))))))))))
[Drew] also kay went to bed :((( everyones leaving meee

[Hunter] Whatever. I'm going back to sleep, please don't set the barn on fire or something equally crazy. I expect to find you in one piece tomorrow morning.

---

Drew tripped over something - a root? A table? A body? She had no idea and had no intention of finding out - and let out a high-pitched giggle. Everything was so much better after midnight, she decided. Hunter was agreeable, there were loads of people, and it was just fantastic. Why hadn't she noticed how friendly everyone else was before? They were all so gorgeous too. Were they always like this, or had something pulled her out of her slumber and into the real world? Whatever it was, it couldn't have happened soon enough. It was awesome.

The lights were dancing again. She couldn't remember what they were there for, but they resembled ballerinas. Somehow, even though the colour and shape was completely wrong. Why didn't they have dresses? That, in her head, was the most pressing question. They should have those those hoops - what were they called? Twirls, something silly like that. Toes? It started with a hard sound, or maybe not. Did it?

The cup in her hand had somehow found its way to the ground. Something was in it, something she was enjoying, and so she immediately dropped onto her knees with another giggle to search for it. Really, they should make that - whatever was in it, she'd long since forgotten - free for the public. It was amazing. Why wasn't it already available? The government, she decided with an overly-stern nod. It took her a moment to realize that she'd said that out loud, which prompted another titter of slightly hysterical laughter.

The moon was reflecting on something. What was it, really? Upon a few minutes of inspection, she came to the conclusion that it was something watery. It looked like silver cutlery, and she had an overwhelming sensation of how relieving it would be to leap into it. The warmth, the cuddling feeling it would give. Didn't she deserve a hug? Yes, she did. Randomly, even though she hadn't noticed anyone in the vicinity, she said happily, "I want a hug." Followed by a grin that did little to remove the dazed expression in her eyes.

A hug would be so good. Where was someone she could hug? Hugs were good. She wanted a hug. With this momentary mission in mind, she abandoned both the cup and the pond, and stumbled her way towards where she thought she'd seen someone. There was someone standing there, and she wasn't sure or worried if they had company. That was besides the point - plus, more people meant more hugs, which were always a bonus. Why was the ground so rocky?

"They should like, pave it. I wanna pave it."

With only a few mishaps - the path was very keen on hugging her, but she was looking for a more human companion - Drew arrived at the point in mind. Her hair was entirely disheveled, and she'd long since shed her favourite leather jacket, which was now somewhere on the premises but was the farthest thing from her mind. Now, despite the cool night air, she was wearing a lowcut black crop top that had seemed like a good idea when she still had a jacket. The ground swayed for a moment, before she stepped towards the person. (She hadn't quite identified who they were, or whether she knew them, but that was irrelevant in her opinion.)

"I want a hug." Again, she drew out the last word until it was more of a happy hum than a comment. Without waiting for the stranger's reaction, Drew wrapped her arms around their waist with sleepy, childlike glee. This was just what she wanted. It didn't make a difference that she had no clue whose shoulder she was nestling her head into, that almost made it better.


Edited at August 7, 2021 02:30 PM by Tanglewood
White Oaks Equestrian Centre | Thread | OPEN August 8, 2021 12:26 PM

Avenoir Acres
 
Posts: 4798
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I don’t think i could possibly love him more lol he’s so nice.

Willa / Wes / Nash / Sawyer | Su-Jin

Willa returned the attentive listening she had been offered, nodding and throwing in the occasional mumble of approval. He was such an active listener that he inspired her to mimic that active listening instead of her typical distracted listening, the other half of her brain fixated on a text conversation or the world around her rather than the person with her. This person with her was different, he was quirky in the most wholesome way. She wasn’t typically drawn to people but she wasn’t ready to tune Su-Jin out yet.

“Silas is a lovely name,” she mused, internally amused about his usage of the phrase ‘nicky names’ but unwilling to show it in any way other than the slightest smile. “And what would be some of these nicky names in question?”

As they paused at the intersection of this bustling stretch of farm, Willa stepped off the path in order to let the little swarms of people past. Everyone here was so fascinating, they all milled about like little ants on a mission to serve their purpose. She thought about what it might be like to see the farm from a plane and how different it could actually be from watching the organized chaos of an anthill. The thought made her smile, but her smile caused her to jolt back into reality from her lackadaisical daydreaming. Her expression went neutral as she studied the buildings again, this time with purpose.

“Reckon there’s only one way to find out.”

The pair approached one of the buildings, and though Willa wanted to just peek in the window and avoid being seen, she forced herself to open the door. They found the place completely empty, other than some shelving units and other furniture carelessly strewn about. The girl’s phone vibrated in her pocket. Once, twice, three times. Realizing it was a phonecall, she picked it up. “This better be good, Ron.”

“I’m watching you,” he giggled a childish, fake giggle, just to get on her nerves. She heard Sawyer in the background. “It’s the building all the way at the end of the path.” That was the difference between Nash and Sawyer. Sawyer would keep a joke running for way longer than it deserved to, if only for his own entertainment. He was stubborn, he held grudges, he was much more childish. Nash cared too much about people to get them riled up for the sake of a joke. He was deeply conscientious and benevolent at heart, the voice in his head was too moral to indulge in the kinds of pranks and tricks Sawyer did. Then there was Willa. She wasn’t exactly sure where she fit in, somewhere in the middle. She didn’t know exactly who she was other than the younger sister of the two of them. A daughter. A cowgirl. A horsewoman.

“He said it’s the one all the way at the end.” After a few moments, she added, “so what discipline do you ride, anyway? Do you have horses of your own?”

Arriving at the actual office, Willa and Silas were met by several people. There was a woman behind the desk with straight, dark hair and professional clothing that could not have been mistaken for anything other than a staff member. The nameplate on her desk said Lara Ross and several diplomas displayed proudly on the wall behind her indicated her status as a lawyer, or a paralegal, or something of the sort. Willa wasn’t entirely sure what the difference was, and she didn’t really care. Then, there was a teenaged boy sitting in a chair beside Lara’s desk. She wasn’t entirely sure if the boy was there to be babysat or for an actual logistical need pertaining to horses, nor did she care. Finally, she saw her brothers. They were sitting talking to a stringy, dark-haired guy that looked vaguely familiar. It wasn’t a shocking feeling, the Brooks family had a lot of contacts. Willa had met a lot of people once, most of them when she was too young to really remember. People never really wanted to say more than a few words to her anyway, so it hardly mattered.

“Sarah, took you long enough. I’m two cups of coffee in by now, and a lovely conversation with my new friend Lara.”

“Acquaintance at best,” she replied sharply, without so much as a glance up from a document she was looking at.

“And our new friend…”

“Silas,” Willa replied to the older of her two brothers. The more annoying one by a long shot. She left out the part about his love for nicknames, and for good reason.

“Thanks for looking after our girl,” Nash smiled brightly at him. “I’m the other brother. I go by Nash or Ron, it don’t matter. Or anything else you can think up. A ‘hey you’ or a ‘that guy’ will suffice, too,” he winked benevolently, extending his hand for Su-Jin to shake. Then, turning to Willa, he gestured to Wes. “Willa, do you remember Paw’s friends the McAuliffes? This is one of their old cowhands, Wes.”

“Nice to meet you,” she replied faintly, offering the slightest smile. She stayed by her new friend’s side, feeling more secure with him than with her largely unpredictable siblings.

“Hey, we were just about to move our junk into the dorms, then we were headed down to the dining hall. Do any of y’all wanna join us for lunch?”


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